Gransnet forums



(31 Posts)
Guineagirl Sat 18-Apr-20 19:19:45

Please no there are worse answers. Mams birthday tomorrow I go every few weeks but last time was just before Mother’s Day. It’s a birthday tomorrow and I take a card and flowers for the grave, also light a candle at home, can I go or not the website says the cemeteries are open but I have to drive seven miles, I’m not sure if I’m allowed though. I have the card and flowers but I don’t know.

tanith Sat 18-Apr-20 19:21:42

Don’t they have a website that you could check on?

Guineagirl Sat 18-Apr-20 19:31:14

Yes it says open 24hrs, I’ve only been using car for supermarket like today but Mam lived seven miles away and I feel guilty going and awful not going too as for four years I always go to see her. Feel worried I’m doing wrong going

Curlywhirly Sat 18-Apr-20 20:00:07

Oh I would go, definitely. You will be within your car; at the cemetery, you can keep a distance for other people (if you see any at all), you will not come into contact with another person during the whole visit. I am sure others will disagree, but I can't see a problem with it and hopefully, neither will the police.

Guineagirl Sat 18-Apr-20 20:09:58

I think it’s the whole virus situation it’s just affected me like it has everyone I mean lockdown etc, so can’t make the right decisions at the moment. I worry about being stopped by police. In four years I rarely see anymore than one person there as I’m only there ten mins tops, it’s like I’m seeking reassurance behaviour at the moment. Yes I only use my car. Maybe I’ll sleep on it heh. You are kind curlywhirly.

bikergran Sat 18-Apr-20 20:16:02

I would at least set off and I'm sure if! you did get stopped by anyone, if you explain then surely they will let you continue on your journey.

You probably wont even see any police about. I would go as it means a great deal to you.

I think different counties seem to have different rules at the mo, as in going to the cemetery.

rosenoir Sat 18-Apr-20 20:38:17

You do not need to feel guilty, you will not be putting yourself or others at risk. flowers

Guineagirl Sat 18-Apr-20 20:43:12

I feel better after you all replied many thanks and I read the update today and he said all graveyards should be open to lay flowers for loved ones so I will go now, I would of felt I’d let Mam down not going it’s upsetting going it’s not easy x

vampirequeen Sat 18-Apr-20 20:51:40

I'm glad you've decided to go. We all keep lockdown but there has to be allowances for people's circumstances.

May7 Sat 18-Apr-20 21:48:34

It was said at this evenings briefing that cemeteries were open so there is no need for you to feel worried about going. You have to do what you have to do. thanks maybe do some food shopping on the way home then it might feel more like an "essential journey" for you? Difficult times

lemongrove Sat 18-Apr-20 22:51:48

You don’t have to go every few weeks though do you?
Your Mother is in your heart and mind, light a candle at home and put the flowers in a vase.

pensionpat Sat 18-Apr-20 23:29:56

I have read that police have approached people at beauty spots, but are they really stopping random drivers and asking “ is your journey really necessary”

Guineagirl Sun 19-Apr-20 08:10:05

Thank you, well I’ll go at dinner more traffic about then. I don’t go now every few weeks I did for the first year as losing Mam was very hard. Last went Mother’s Day well the Friday just before lockdown. I suppose Mam taught me not to break rules and it’s stuck with me ?

H1954 Sun 19-Apr-20 08:29:02

Guineagirl, I have sent you a PM.

ninathenana Sun 19-Apr-20 08:47:26

pensionpat yes, they were doing just that at a large roundabout near me. It maybe because it is on route to our seaside town though.

M0nica Sun 19-Apr-20 09:01:35

I would just go there. Remember the purpose of these rules is to reduce exposure to the virus. You will drive there, in the cemetery it will be easy to obey distance rules, you cannot pass it to your mother and you will drive home. No problem.

DD. living alone and in lockdown, has been feeling really low, so yesterday went for a nice long quiet drive along country roads. Didn't stop, did not get out of the car, came back feeling better and put no one at risk. Yes it broke the rules, but better than ending up on anti-depressants.

M0nica Sun 19-Apr-20 09:02:34

As she said, if she had been stopped she would willingly have paid the fine, it would have been worth it for the benefit it gave her.

Hetty58 Sun 19-Apr-20 09:33:24

Even I, a stickler for the 'rules' see no reason why you shouldn't go as you can easily distance yourself from others.

Guineagirl Sun 19-Apr-20 10:27:56

Glad it helped your daughter Monica, she probably had her music on too and it gave her something to look forward to. I do love been in my car like her x.

H1954 Sun 19-Apr-20 17:06:02

I was quite intrigued by your post. None of the comments refer to the possibility of you having an accident on the journey, this is one of the main reason we have been asked to NOT make unnecessary journeys.

If you were to have an accident the police, ambulance service and possibly the fire service would attend. If there were more than one casualtiy that would mean an ambulance would be required for each one. After the emergency rescue of casualties the vehicles would need to be recovered.

Now, think about the number of people potentially involved in that event!

I lost my mum in 2012, every birthday, Christmas, Mother's Day, anniversary of her death and special family event I would normally visit the cemetery. I simply do not risk travelling just now. Instead I place flowers alongside her photo at my home. I know my mum would want me to stay safe and to not put others at risk by my actions! We can remember those we have lost without visiting their resting place.

Stay safe, Stay healthy, Stay At Home!!!!!

M0nica Sun 19-Apr-20 19:13:29

The accident rate at the worst of times is very low considering the the number of cars on the road. The rate of accidents since the lockdown I understand has dropped dramatically.

As with everything it is a question of the probability the given event is likely to occur, DD pootled gently around the back roads. The probability of an accident that required police, ambulances, the fire brigade and serious injuries is vanishingly small. Even smaller than before the lockdown.

The police as ever are overdoing it, like with them starting to inspect peoples shopping bags, now stopped, and the 'clarification' the government felt necessery to issue a few days ago that again allowed people to do many things the police were saying were illegal.

Let the police first provide the evidence that there are lots - or even any - catastrophic accidents as a result of people making journeys that are permissable, let alone, just over the edge of the regulations before they start making all these threats.

The police are the one emergency service to come out very badly from the current crisis; heavy handed, insensitive and only too ready to stop anyone putting their nose outside their front door, whether legally or not.

My opinion of the police has plummeted over the last month, despite having police members in the extended family.

May7 Tue 21-Apr-20 23:07:12

We've lost an elderly relative today and funeral directors have told us only 3 people allowed at crematorium. Our other cemeteries are open but if theres a crematorium in there then thry are cl8sed to public and only 3 people allowed for funeral service. Is this different across the counties. Does anyone know?

May7 Tue 21-Apr-20 23:08:25

Oops they are closed fat fingers

Chestnut Tue 21-Apr-20 23:33:04

You should remember these are exceptional times and everyone is making huge sacrifices. Is this a necessary journey, the answer is no. You can remember your mother in other ways, private prayer, light a candle, look at her picture, hold something that belonged to her.

BlueBelle Tue 21-Apr-20 23:37:14

Of course you can you’re not meeting anyone
I go to my parents in the cemetery it’s very quite and very beautiful I went last week