To not do unecessary errands just because Im not shielding?

You are not being unreasonable.

Maybe you could text them with a brief explanation of your concerns, and ask them not to send you any more treats because of the risks involved?

If that person still has the hump, too bad.

Alternatively you could just bin their letter and pretend it never came

Thats what I intend to do

I am just sat here seething. Probably more than I would in "normal times"

Oh dear, that was not kind at all.

I did post a couple of birthday cards but someone suggested Funky Pigeon as an alternative or another online card company.

One of my elderly relatives does not have a PC or mobile so we phone her regularly and others who are younger use WhatsApp etc.

I think it's nice to have a chat on the phone.
People don't tend to do much letter writing these days anyway and although it's nice to receive one, it's not at all necessary - and the news won't be up-to-date anyway.

Have you got a shredder?

Germs can't be transferred in a phone call.
I leave my post for 72 hours.

Maybe you could text them with a brief explanation of your concerns, and ask them not to send you any more treats because of the risks involved?

I dont think that would work because when we call we get shielding explained to us (again ) as if they are the only people in the world who are limited right now.

I dont actually expect better of them. I just feel a bit like theyve put a straw that might break the camels back on me with this.

As I said its the fact they wrote to the DDs about it. Makes me feel like I failed to protect them at this stressful time. If I had known the content I would have binned both letters and not given it to them.

Or you could say you binned the letter untouched (say you used tongs!) and then express profound shock (by email, text or phone) that they should even consider sending anyone a letter under current circumstances when the post man might by a virus carrier and could infect you. Explain to them how dangerous it is, really lay it on with a trowel, and how worried you are that they have potentially introduced the virus into your home and that you will be in a constant worry for the next two weeks thanks to them.

It is no more than they deserve.

M0nica I will do all of that...... in my head ? it will be a marvellous performance! Oscar worthy! My arguments will be flawless, my delivery will command silence and attention.

In real life I will avoid the subject all together

Phone again and explain that you wouldn't dream of putting them at risk by sending a letter that will be touched by countless people along the way and might bring the virus into their home - saying how inconsiderate it is of anyone to do such a thing right now.
See if the penny drops!

when we call we get shielding explained to us (again hmm) as if they are the only people in the world who are limited right now.

That must be galling for you to have to listen to again notanan2. However, in mitigation, these (probably older? possibly grandparents?) might well be scared.

They must be of the opinion that you’re not quite stepping up to the plate here - unlike their very helpful neighbours.

Okay.

Deep breaths.

Next time (and there WILL be a next time!) perhaps try empathising with them. Not OTT but sincerely talking about their situation and really LISTENING to their worries. Take a little more time with them. They might well be genuinely frightened deep down. They probably perceive that you lot are younger, can go out and are a bit blasé about their diminished circumstances.

We all certainly have MORE disposable TIME these days. I bet if you came up trumps here with a sympathetic and genuinely caring ear you’d find a better understanding between you all.

The fact that these relatives wrote to your children (? Their grandchildren) illustrates their perceptions of a more carefree life beyond their enforced perimeter.

Communication is key. Take some extra care and time. Really listen to their woes. Gently tell them too of your own worries, regards the anxiety of shopping and how stressful it is these awful days.

A better understanding on both sides, done with warmth, should make a huge difference.

Good luck. x

Have they thought about the extra work all of that unnecessary post is putting post office workers to? Very selfish of them IMO to keep themselves safe but not care about others putting themself into the line of fire.

I think the problem is with self-isolating is that your world shrinks.

Could you suggest to them that you could go through the steps with them of downloading WhatsApp or whatever, and how nice it is to be able to see each other whilst chatting?

I'm still a novice but willing to learn.

Callistemon they are able to communicate these ways, they just dont think it counts, e.g. they will complain that they got no thank you note even if you phoned to thank them.

Urmston it takes two to have a meaningful communication. There is no lack of listening to them going on, believe me.

And knowing their preference for notes we DO usually send them, even if we thank them verbally.

However we have not done so since lockdown. We have only thanked people verbally or by messages.

And this is apparently the kind of thing that makes us inconsiderate!

Germs stay on letters for days- you'd hate to put them at risk.

I find shredding very therapeutic.

I think the problem is with self-isolating is that your world shrinks.

All of our worlds have shrunk. I dont want to join in the Top Trumps but could be argued than the world has shrunk more for teens than anyone else, DD2 had a work experience opportunity set up that was going to fast track her for one of her goals, that is not only not happening now but probably wont happen at all, indefinitely (because of the nature of it and the timing of the oportunity).
A teens world is their peer group and interests/hobbies. As adults at least we are in our "castle". The DDs world is outside these doors not within them so you could say their worlds shrunk in ways far beyond what we are experiencing!

They can't even plan their futures, who knows what prospects will or wont be available after this so everything they were working towards is in limbo.

The world hasnt shrunk that much for the likes of me: home owner, career under my belt. Lived my life and had adventures.

Not only that, but unlike shielding people who have others doing their errands, we have the constant fear that each trip out might literally shrink our family forever!

So Im sorry but this notion that the world has shrunk most for those shielding, I've lost patience with it.

I have read reports from people working for Royal Mail about the worrying conditions they are working in in sorting offices where social distancing is impossible. I really think that only essential mail should be posted at the moment. The less the postman has to do the fewer door handles they have to touch, the less chance they have of coming close to someone as they go to the door.
I agree with those who are saying ignore them. It is not clear how long the virus can last on paper. I read a comment by a microbiolist who said that people are oversimplifying when they say that it lasts on surfaces for 2 days. For some, like nylon, it can last much longer. Every touched is a risk albeit often a small one.
You won't persuade them so it is not really worth the argument. I think we all have relatives like that. I have relatives who I go out with about once a year but it always has to be their choice where to go. It does annoy me but the alternative is just not to go as it is the way they are.

And going out to stand in 2m distancing queues outside of the pharmacy or the shop, then straight home, where paranoia sets in and shoes are left outside, clothes are changed, produced are washed and we STILL worry we have brought CV19 home, does not exactly make the world my oyster.

I am SO annoyed and also frustrated that this one person has got to me so much.

If we werent all dealing with a pandemic I would probably shrug it off but I am still seething

I've felt panic rise when standing in these eerie dystopian queues. It doesnt feel real. One person edging too close sets you into a hyper alert state.

Being deemed able to go and do that for ourselves does not exactly feel like freedom.

My apologies notanan2 I didn’t mean to be crass upthread.

I can totally understand this whole situation is very nuanced and like in all families, has history that is pertinent.

I can quite understand your upset here as the more comments you share, the clearer the reason for your anger becomes. As you say, it’s not Top Trumps.

Thats alright Urmstongran, I am unreasonably wound up/irked by this one person and just venting

Good grief, I am gobsmacked by their attitude. Do they really think they are the only ones at risk?

If they want a letter, I think I'd be inclined to print off this thread in its entirety and post it to them. They are in serious need of a reality check.

If they want a letter, I think I'd be inclined to print off this thread in its entirety and post it to them. They are in serious need of a reality check.


Another thing my imaginary sassy self will do

Actually though notanan2 your comment So Im sorry but this notion that the world has shrunk most for those shielding, I've lost patience with it. seems a bit harsh.

Some of the very elderly who are shielding fear they won’t get to see their grandchildren (or great grandchildren) ever again. Not for cuddles or sweet words in real life as some elderly people don’t have broadband, so don’t use the internet for virtual get together to ‘see’ these children. Imagine being in your late 80’s or early 90’s, with health issues, their family great distances apart and very little prospect for future get togethers. That knowledge must hurt.