Consideration from GP

I have to agree with Nannan2. The first receptionist should have arranged a telephone consultation if she could not put you through at that moment. I cannot imagine the strain the GPS are under at the moment, which might explain her apparent indifference. Also, I had to visit my GP soon after my husband died so, while I was there, I took the opportunity of thanking her for the wonderful catered she had given him during his illness. She said she had deliberately not mentioned him as she had not wanted to upset me. Maybe Luckygirl, that might have been the same for your GP, particularly as you were on the phone, not face to face with her?

I hope you are able to speak to your consultant and get something positive out of it.

I am really sorry to hear of your loss and this business with the GP must be really hard to bear. In defence of the GP, those long silences might have been giving you time to expand or she might have been looking up relevant information to you. I know when I am in the surgery, the GP does this whilst I am there. It is possible that the GP is wary that if she helps you to make up your mind, she will be blamed if it turns out to be the wrong decision. Whilst you might be a very reasonable person, many are not and GP's suffer a certain amount of abuse from some of their patients.

It might be worth contacting PALS if you want advice about this medical matter. We have found them to be very helpful in the past.

Dear Luckygirl, I am so very sorry to hear that your DH died so recently and just as we were going into this very unnatural and difficult time of isolation and worry about the terrible virus. I cannot imagine how hard things must be for you and anyone else who has been bereaved at this time. I do pray for you. Of course you are weeping. You are mourning. Let the tears flow, they are a way to heal.

I am sorry too that your GP was so rude. I do not have any excuses for her. It might be some consolation for your to know that a female GP did the same to me face to face a few years ago. She had started, when I was a new patient, by being so friendly, respectful and helpful. I went to her on that last occasion with something fairly straight-forward and she simply would not let me speak. She spoke over me, insisted on taking a line about something else not to do with my health, and was rude. I left in tears then wondered if she was overworked and made excuses for her etc. But we must not do this. We are far to quick to excuse our Doctors and people like them. When they are not doing their job they should be picked up on it. This Doctor of mine, I learned later, had been asked to leave! She was treating other people in the same high-handed way. I then felt guilty, because as a person who was once involved in the medical world and worked in mental health, I should have acted more responsibly, thinking of other more vulnerable patients she might harm.

The Doctor has left you feeling helpless and looking for reasons to blame yourself for feeling so unhappy. But your feelings are completely normal in your situation. There is nothing wrong with you for with feeling tearful. The Doctor was in the wrong and there are no excuses for her. However, we need to help you feel you can take control of the situation yourself again.

First, the decision regarding going for the Hospital treatment. Most of all, I think you could speak to the Consultant who referred you for your Hospital Treatment. Phone their Secretary and ask if he/she can phone you. Explain that your GP has been no help. Tell them you have recently lost your husband and tell them there are additional complications that might make the hospital visit inadvisable. If the Consultant wants you to go in for the treatment I would follow their advice.

For your terrible loss of your Dh, I think it would really help you to find some counselling to cope with the loss of your DH. I hope there is something you might access online and over the phone. And don't underestimate the warmth of understanding here on GN. There are so many of us who have been bereaved. We understand.

As for your Doctor's Practice, could you ask to speak to the Senior Doctor for advice? Simply ask the Receptionist for a Telephone appointment with whoever that is and keep what you say to the Receptionist to a minimum. The Receptionist has no right to refuse you access to a Doctor. When you speak to the Senior Partner, explain that your GP was dismissive and the phone call was just long silences. Explain too the your husband died just before we all had lock-down.

If the Senior Partner is not appropriate, is it possible to go to NHS Direct? They are reserved for urgent but not life-threatening help, but you need to speak to somebody and your GP has let you down very badly.

As a 'by the way' I might say that I think we are inclined (in normal non-covid circumstances) to indiscriminately praise our Doctors. Having worked along-side them and obviously been a patient, my experience is that many are very good, some are wonderful and some are dreadful. If you bump into a dreadful one, and often they seem ok at first, you should get as far away from them as you can.

Seriously, I would think of changing GP, maybe when the CV19 situation has been overcome. You could start now with researching, sounding-out friends on the phone as to which Practices and GPs are considered good. Go online; there are so many websites now about comparing GP Practices. I would search online to see what your current Practice's ratings are. Looking things up, getting information, comparing experiences with others, all help you feel you are back in control. I had to change GP Practice because my old one closed down. When i looked, it had the lowest ratings in my town!!

I will be thinking of you and praying for you, Lucky, you will get through this. You are in mourning. That your GP ignored this is despicable. Don't go back to her. You can, and will, sort out what to do about the hospital treatment. The things will gradually pick up for you. It takes quite a while to adjust to losing your DH and, honestly speaking, you will need to be kind and gentle to yourself for a long time. I strongly believe our loved ones come near us in Spirit and I would talk to him whenever you want to, if I were you.
With much love, Elle x ???

I feel that the GP was unprofessional - they were asked for advice based on their expertise and they refused to give it. Lack of empathy, sympathy or personal concern are personality issues, but to refuse to give the help that they are paid to provide is unprofessional and while a complaint would probably be useless (let's remember who pays he practice managers who theoretically deal with these things) a second opinion and change of practitioner is definitely justified.
I think that you should follow the advice of the specialist nurse, who is in the best position to balance your medical needs against whatever the situation is in the hospital you need to go to. The nurse thinks that you should attend, so I think that you should assume that that is the best thing to do, especially as your GP doesn't feel obliged to advise against it (which I think we can assume they would if it was really dangerous for you)

Hope the GPs and hospital consultants will soon be working as normal. Both my DH and I have some issues which have been put on the back burner for the time being.

It is a stressful time all round and I am very sorry you have not been treated sensitively. I would suggest writing to the practice manager ( I assume there is one?) and explain clearly , with bucket points, how you feeling, what your concerns are and if a member of staff could give you a constructive telephone conversation. How are you dealing with your recent loss? Do you have some emotional support? Remember there are organisations you can access.
Be very sure about what you want to do.

Houndi
GPs are not busy.....

How on earth do you know this? Are you a GP?
As said earlier my daughter and her husband are GPs. My daughter has often told how many of her patients are disrespectful and demanding. Now I see why. That’s two people who have said that GPs are not busy. Perhaps you’d like to explain why, when my daughter goes to work, she goes for 8.30 and rarely gets home before 8.00 at night. Perhaps you don’t know the answer. Well it’s because even when she’s not seeing patients she has notes to make on each patient, letters to write to consultants, and copious advice and practice requirements to read every day from government and medical societies and drug companies. The results of trials, new treatments etc etc.
Just because your doctor rings you quickly doesn’t mean he/she isn’t busy. I find your comment, particularly in the middle of a pandemic, to be grossly ill informed. It simply shows just how ignorant the average person is about what doctors actually do.

Dragon fly that is your personal experience. I know our surgery is busy with call backs from doctors and you can wait all day for it. And at our surgery we have good and bad receptionists. Plus the best doctor as she always takes her time with you, is always in demand and I know she hasn't been able to take her usual term time holidays off with her children. If she wasn't busy she would have.

GP's aren't always understanding at all. As a widow myself, I'd recommend joining "Way Up" a forum for widows, really helped me.

You need time to sort your head out before having surgery. If there is a support group for the treatment you are going to have, they'll be much better. Google the condition and advice and see what comes up.

Lucky girl, I have been thinking of you
I spoke with a couple of people this am. and they said more or less the same thing as you have

the gp and consultants appear not to be advising patients as to what procedure or anything they should have.. leave it for the patient to make their own mind up,, wondering if it is all to do with the claims for negligence that the NHS is smothered in?

so not unusual it would seem ,I do hope you can get back here and talk more?

Thank you Jishere it’s nice to know that some patients value their doctor. I know that my daughter takes it to heart when people are disrespectful towards her, and sometimes shout and demand. And equally she’s happy when patients are appreciative of her efforts to help them.

Maddyone I fully agree with you. People have a tendency to think because a doctor is arround when they call and get an appointment they can't be busy. But there is so much more going on that is unseen. Surgery doctors are still part of NHS frontline heroes.

polnan as I understand it, good practice says the doctor should discuss the possible treatment or treatments with the patient, but then the patient is encouraged to make up their own mind. That is what they are trained to do.
Luckygirl as I said earlier, try to see a different GP if you can, ask for the pros and cons of the treatment as it appertains to you, in your circumstances and taking into account any medication or conditions you have. Write down any questions before you speak to the doctor. Hopefully you will then be able to make an informed decision.

Hi Luckygirl

Sorry to hear about your GP's attitude. I have also had similar problems and you've done nothing wrong imho - some GP's aren't very nice. It's difficult to keep some perspective because you're feeling vulnerable when u go to the GP. Don't let them get u down - try out different GPs at your surgery and when u find a good one insist on seeing that one. I've recently moved I'm am currently 'interviewing' GPs at my local practice as they give me an appt with a different one each time but will stick with the winner when I find them!

I'm so sorry you lost your husband, and you've had such a horrid time with your surgery and GP. I had a phone appointment with a GP at my surgery, and she too was very rude and abrupt and left me in tears....and that's without having lost anyone recently. I tried to make excuses for her, as they must be under so much stress, but it's really not on upsetting your patients, especially when everyone is already feeling so stressed out. I would make a complaint to the manager of your practice or PALS. Huge hugs LuckyGirl. XXX

The phone discussion was by appointment, as I eventually managed to speak to a helpful receptionist a few days later. I waited a week after that for the phone consultation with the GP.

The reason it is complicated is that the injection they want to give me at the hospital has the potential to slightly impair the immune system - and it seems a bad time to be doing that. Also, I have had appointments for a root canal filling which have had to be cancelled because of the virus, so I just have something temporary there - the injection I am supposed to have is contraindicated if invasive dental treatment is planned during the 6 months of after the injection.

The injection is to prevent further osteoporosis, and is badly needed as I have already had several fractures and also a spontaneous fracture of my femur.

So - lots to weigh up, and all I wanted was to discuss the relative risks of the different courses of action. She refused to engage with me on the subject.

Luckygirl, I do feel for you, your GP should understand that you are badly in need of reassurance and help. I just want to assure you that if you do have to go to hospital there is nothing to fear. I had a small op early March, nasal polyps removed and had to have a splint removed from my nose last Monday, I was petrified but when I arrived at the revolving doors there was a big notice saying one person per compartment, when I got inside there was a lady standing back to ask me to use the hand gel and to direct me to the waiting room. Every third seat was available the others were upturned. There were only three others in the waiting area, I was called through to ENT where I was the only patient. I was dealt with immediately by a thoroughly gowned and protected doctor and safely sent on my way. So please know that hospitals are taking every precaution to keep us and themselves safe.
I also took precautions, I wore shorts and Tshirt under a loose shirt and baggy pants which I then removed in the car park to a bag in the boot of the car along with my cap, shoes and socks, mask and gloves. Donned my slip on shoes and drove home in shorts and Tshirt where I washed my bag of clothes. A bit ott perhaps but better safe than sorry has been my mantra since this all began. Good luck Luckygirl, please be assured and be careful in equal measure.

i would make a complaint. my receptionist is just the same. always its what do you want to see the doctor about .actually its none of your business.!!! they not very helpful at all .phone nhs 111 and see what they say...

Firstly, my condolences on losing your husband.
Our surgery is normally crazily busy as we are so short of GPs round here. I can't imagine how overstretched any doctor is at the moment. A friend was telling me that at their place of work they were trying to keep everything going as normal but via IT (so that's extra work before you start), most colleagues were trying to home-school their children with many trying to support older parents and some supporting their immediate community (elderly, vulnerable including bereaved).

Why are GP's and pharmacies so unthoughtful when they reply to a civilised question. I understand that the present situation is challenging to them all, but nice manners cost nothing, and sometimes make a person's day. I phoned my local Tesco pharmacy this morning to pre-order my tablets and was told that we have to order our own at the moment from the doctors as they are too busy. I was told to email the GP surgery with he request, I told the person I did not know the email address for the surgery, and she told me to phone them up to get it from them, not very helpful at all. I phoned surgery and they gave me email address (would not take request over phone!), I came off phone emailed them and hopefully it will be ready for pick up from Tesco early next week. I know everyone is wary of this virus, but it costs nothing to be civil.

I would never disrespect our GP's. I am full of admiration for all of ours even though two of them misdiagnosed me over a period of 4 years. I find them approachable and extremely helpful.
All I was saying was that it is far easier to get an appointment these days than it has ever been for whatever reason. One of them told me they have almost no footfall in the surgery at the moment.

Luckygirl
Having just read your explanation of the circumstances, I think I would put of having the injection for the time being. I think I’d aim to get the dental work done first, and by then the threat from the virus might well not be so great. Obviously it’s your decision, that’s just my take on it.

Luckygirl I am so sorry for you recent sad loss. This is a time you need extra consideration and reassurance making the treatment you received totally unacceptable. Doctors are in a profession and as such should act in a professional way. I am amazed that (mainly Dr parents) are unable to accept that doctors in many areas are not busy, because they know one who is! Doctors, by their own admission, are certainly "very quiet" in my area - not just my surgery.

I believe I can empathise as I too have "conflicting" conditions that mean the Chemotherapy I am due to start next Thursday, is both advisable and ill advised. Then there is the consideration of actually going to the hospital itself. Try as I might, I have also been unable to get the facts explained to me. I will make my own mind up, as I'm sure you would too, once equipped with all the relevant information." Google it", I can practically hear you say, but I want the info to be accurate AND related to my particular medical history and circumstances. Surly a reasonable request!
Incidentally, all this going on whilst my beloved dog and constant companion of the last 12 years is dying of incurable cancer. She was diagnosed on the anniversary of my dear fathers death, just two days before I got my own cancer diagnosis.

GPs are just people doing a job,some do not do it well and some are just not nice people,the same as in any occupation.

Hi I'm new on here so I hope you don't mind me replying, but I had several similar experiences with my Gp's surgery until i told them I intended to make a formal complaint in writing to the Medical associastion they couldn't do enough for me after I did as they were reminded that without patients Gps are out of work!

Also to reply about Diverticulitis? I was diagnosed with that 8 years ago. Basically your diet must not include Skins, Seeds, Pips or insoluble fibre because this collects in pockets in your gut/bowel and as well as causing excruciating pain and inflammation the offending foodstuff causes polyps to grow which can block the intestine and cause serious internal bleeding leading to anaemia and potentially cancer. So you have to peel all fruits and vegetables and remove their pips you must not eat multi seed bread or cereals and not drink juice with bits. I have to be gluten free as well because gluten makes my diverticulitis worse. The disease can have very serious implications if you do not keep to these food rules you must read food labels diligently.
So you become more adventurous in the kitchen (or the person who cooks for you) its not all doom and gloom. Like others you learn to live with it x