Taken for Granted

vampirequeen... I have now unfriended her, blocked her. xx

gillT7... the son would not of thought to do a Go FUND ME page...he is a selfish brat! He gives his mum a terrible time...even now when she does not need it. It was his wife who has done the GO FUND ME page. But what happens is I tend to show people up...honestly not meaning too and never my intention. I think probably someone has said to her when she has mentioned what I was going to do for her...that it should be a family member who should that for you...although they would not have give it a thought to do. And then she has mentioned it in the family and the daughter in law has taken over. And honestly that would have been fine...but, she has never contacted me to tell me that or do you mind? The first I knew is when I have received a message on whatsapp asking me to contribute to the GO FUND ME PAGE.

Hithere... the lady in question did not have a very good start in life. In tragic circumstances she became the Mother figure to her younger brothers when she was 17... literally bringing them up herself. Through life that role she has carried on even with her partners family...everyone turns to her for help. But when it comes to her own problems etc she does not get the support & thought she deserves. Which usually happens when you come across as the strong one...people just think you can manage your own problems and that is not always the case. Things that she has told me in the latter weeks her immediate family could have done more for her and haven't. But, she has played a part in it herself as she has brought up her children to just think about themselves and not give her thought...now that she needs it most. The buying of the bed was a one off ...something bought for her for a change although it was not my responsibility.
To be honest with myself...my friendships have always started based on someone struggling and me helping them. The relationship then continues unbalanced based on what I can do for them and not getting much back. I am the eldest of 7 children and I did not have much of a childhood. Used as mum's support system...seeing and doing things I should never have done as a child. My needs as a child where never met...it was disfunctional.

She's a con artist. Kick her into touch. She took advantage of your kind nature.

A best friend would be very uncomfortable accepting the things you have purchased for this couple, interesting comment as it mirrors my thoughts. Perhaps they do not want your help? Maybe they asked the son to set up the Go Fund Me Page as they feel you are intruding, offering more than they want, rushing over with photocopied pieces of paper....please do not take this the wrong way, you are obviously a kind person, but maybe they wish to deal with her illness by themselves and not try to make you feel better by accepting gifts, some of which they may not even want? Maybe just leave this family to deal with the woman's illness in private?

Donna

You are getting mad at the wrong people

You wrote
"I remember years ago a lady I met said to me...' I and others could quite easily take you for granted.'"
So this may have happen before and she was warning you?
You are making the same mistake again

"Over the last two years I have caught up with a lady I went to school with on Facebook."
Even though you met this lady 40 years ago, you only reconnected 2 years ago.
How well do you really know her?

It is not your fault she has cancer. Why are you trying to overcompensate for something it is not your fault?

Why do you feel you must give your all to people ? That is not how friendship works.

You are in a fixed income throwing out money that should not be invested in trying to buy other's affections

Dont mask it under "I am generous".
There is something very dysfunctional under the surface and it shows in all the red flags in your posts.

You deserve friends who love for who you are, not what you give them.

A best friend would be very uncomfortable accepting the things you have purchased for this couple.

sodapop... It wasn't someone I barely knew..and I wasn't giving the run of my home!

Bluebelle... it was the idea she was continuing to send me emails for further photocopying...nothing to do with what I said i'd copy for her and not asking if I mind. No consideration and at that point I was coming to the point of enough is enough... your now taking the piss!

TrendyNannie6...thank you for your kind words. I take so much and then there is no going back. I think what has kept me there is the fact that she has got Cancer...and struggled to turn my back on someone with this terrible illness. But, it does not give anyone an excuse to treat someone who is good to you badly. I do struggle with why if someone is good to you would you want to treat them so bad. Maybe it's because I haven't had many people do good by me...and I do appreciate and dont forget them people when they do good by me.

Lemsip...you are right there...I do get very involved. I have been told I am a very good person to have around if things go wrong in people's lives. I suppose I try to rescue them from all pain & hurt and stress. Really, I am acting out what I would have liked others to do for me when in need of help & support in my life but never got it. I never got my needs met as a child and do not have a supportive family.

Hithere... I have known the lady since school...40 years. I was taking up a friendship with her again. I was supporting someone who genuinely does have Cancer for a second time...there is no lie there. I live in a bungalow...I wasn't showing them around my home. My bedroom door was open which was facing the entrance to my home. They commented on how nice my bedroom was and liked the Wardrobes. Only then did I say I was looking to replace the wardrobes. Her partner then asked what I was going to do with the present wardrobes and I said I was going to put them on the tip...at that point he said they would have them. But, I did not like him opening the wardrobe nearest the door.
As for the GO FUND ME PAGE she needed to request releasing her hospital papers and forward them onto California first...she told me she was not ready for the GO FUND ME PAGE yet until the hospital in California would accept her...also there would be problems with flying to California what with the Coronavirus and being let into the country... This was only last week we spoke about it.
I would have no problem with someone else doing the GO FUND ME page if she had just had the decency
to let me know and consider my feelings. Believe me I am no fool... I am kind and helpful...sadly people mistake that for a weekness and get a shock when they cross me. I was asking for people's opinion on it...not to be judged.

Aggie...I am not hoodwinking anyone.

I am not hoodwinking anyone.

I do find the post a bit odd I have to say. Seems strange to give so much to someone you barely know. Then allowing them the run of your house when they visited donna1964 just asking for trouble.
I have to agree with hithere

She is no friend of yours and deep down you know that. I think I would struggle to contain my anger if she treated me like that. You seem a kind person and maybe you lack confidence and seek approval that you are kind. It’s a sad world that we have many who just are takers and not givers.

There are two types of people......givers and takers. It sounds like you’ve stumbled upon a taker. I would cut all contact now, just explaining that you’ve done what you can, but don’t want to continue. If she doesn’t accept/ understand, just show her your post and all the responses. There are plenty of caring people out there, you’ll spot them because they won’t constantly be asking for things.

Haven't you noticed that she only contacts you when she wants something? She really saw you coming!

The more I think about it, they are not taking advantage of you.

They are just following your lead.

Many of us go through serious illness. My friends brought me flowers and chocolate cake and I would never have accepted anything more than that as I believe most wouldn't.

These people are users. They are only interested in what you can give them. Have nothing more to do with them. They are playing on your good nature.

Having an illness does not give someone a licence to use people. Clearly they have both taken you for a ride. Don't reply to any messages but if they do manage to catch up with you tell them you are busy. You have personal things to sort out and that's your priority. Get on with your own life and don't give them a second thought they don't deserve it. As others have said your kind nature will be appreciated by genuine people.

Reading your post again I find it even more strange ... she contracted cancer around the time you picked up the friendship !! did you ever see the bed in situ that you bought For her .....she had heard of someone selling one, how lucky it was still available a week later when you sent her the money
You were showing them around you home and in your bedroom !!! Is that normal, perhaps it’s me but I ve never taken people round to look at my bedroom, if they ve called in for coffee or a meal. He, the partner opened your wardrobes? didn’t that alert you to the type of people they were
You have spent out large chunks of money but worry about a bit of photocopying, none of this makes sense to an outsider

I m afraid I m very suspicious of this ladies illness

Are you still looking at the thread Donna?

You are obviously a softhearted caring lovely person, who has been taken for a ride, you bought her a bed and that was very kind of you, it seems you are one of life’s givers, which is all very well on some aspects but this has gone to far, and these people are really taking you for a mug, I would cut them out of your life, they are not friends, they are users Donna1964. You don’t need people in your life like this

aggie, I wondered that too. Wasn't sure.

Donna I don't know if you always go around buying expensive presents for people you hardly know. But yes, you are absolutely being ripped off. Walk away, have nothing more to do with them.

You are obviously a generous person and this 'old friend' and her partner have taken advantage, although it has to be said that buying a bed for someone you barely know is a bit odd. I would stop contacting these people, they don't see you as a friend. Maybe take your caring nature to somewhere it won't be abused? Volunteer for a day centre or a charity.

This woman and her husband are what mumsnet call CFs, and, I'm afraid I would have to say you have been taken for a fool and a sucker for a hard luck story. Find better friends who are not just users.