Stepdaughters wedding

Naty

Rather patronising comment about punctuation. The OP obviously had the vast majority of GN’ers getting the gist of her problem.

Kamj As you say get hubby to ask and go from there.
Hope it works out as this is obviously causing you stress
Take care

I don’t think Kamj’s punctuation or communication styles are confusing in the least. It would seem that all on here have understood her situation perfectly. Perhaps it’s your comprehension skills that need improvement Naty?

Your punctuation is very confusing. If your posts are indicative of your communication style, you need clarification on this matter. Ask your husband to gently clarify before thinking anything is wrong.

Kamj, weddings can be tricky can’t they, I understand how you want clarity but not to upset and I think that’s lovely. If you have a generally good relationship with SD, could you reach out to compliment the invite and ask under the guise of childcare if the boys are included? Something like “got our invite and it’s lovely, just wanted to ask if it’s just me and dad or if the boys are expected too. No worries either way just need to organise a sitter.”
That way it’s a practicality you’re enquiring about, you’re giving her an easy way to clarify and you’ll be clear on her expectations.
Hope everything works out well for you and you have a lovely time at the wedding x

Thank you for your kind words grannylaine, i have spoken to my husband, i think hes more upset by it than me,i said its ok if the boys aren't invited etc, he has said he'll rsvp and put from all of us, i said i didnt think that was a good idea (after reading comments on here)but he's adamant that he'll reply as if we all invited and then take it from there,x

Kamj be gentle with yourself: you had a picture in your mind of what the day might look like and you've obviously been involved in talk about the wedding. I think as others have said, clarity is the most important thing now so that you can adjust your expectations. Weddings are a bit of a family minefield aren't they? I'm sure you will put on a big smile and have the best day you can, whether your sons are with you or not.

Plus partners?
We talked about the wedding, the theme the dress, food, venues etc but no i haven't been involved in the planning,
Ok i guess i was wrong in thinking they would be invited, i shouldnt have assumed this,but i did and now i just find it a little sas thats all,

Yes, so that’s two more at least plus partners she’d have to invite if she invited your children. She was an adult and when you married her dad, they aren’t her siblings and it seems odd that you are this surprised they weren’t invited especially as you aren’t involved in the planning.

I wouldn't just take my sons thats for sure, but i know from previous discussions my younger son definitely looked forward to it, this was a while ago now though, tbh since cv we havnt really spoken about the wedding only about the risk it not happening over the cv x

Personally I think your sons would not want to have to go and sit through it all at that age if they don’t know anybody else. I can see that you would be glad of their company though. I know I would, in your position.
It is vital that your husband does not delay to speak to his daughter, making it clear he just needs clarification, nor putting pressure on, then you will be able to be more settled about it in your mind, once you know. Do let us know soon!

I think your husband should check if they are invited or not.

If yes, great.

If not, disappointing for you, but go and make the best of it.

Whatever you do, don’t just take your sons without checking. That would be a BIG mistake.

150 guests is nothing, just 75 per side.

Add family and friends + 1 guest per invite and you see your numbers balloon to 200+ soon.

Mother has partner who has 2 older children she doesnt really see,
Shes 25

How old is step daughter? Has her mother remarried? She might well have her own steps, half siblings on both sides to take into account. I sympathize with her, as if she invites the younger steps she must invite older, and possible steps on her moms side as well. And then half her guest list is occupied by people she has no relationship with outside of them being related to her parents partner. Seems like she’s made a sensible choice. Hire a sitter and enjoy a weekend away with your partner.

No they didnt grow up together my older children and my hubby's children have grown up as school friends etc so know each other from old, my younger children have not known them until i got with my hubby,
Its not hard that hubby sitting with ex, i just thought it'd be ok id be sat with my sons thats all, no deep meaning to any of it,
150 in total,
I know she hasnt done anything wrong as such i (we, as hubby mentioned he was surprised boys not invited) just thought they would be, so i just have to except they not,
Thank you all for the honesr somewhat deep brutal advice lol, i will wait and see for a bit then nearer rsvps i will aak hubby to check with daughter if they are invited, if not ill go and be the happy stepmum enjoying her day, x

My own daughter made it clear to us that at her wedding there wasn’t to be relatives who she never saw from one year to the next. It was her day, she wanted people who were part of her life and that of her husband to be. I did see her point.

Is this 150 total or 150 + their partners?

Did your minor children grow up with this stepdaughter?
How old is the bride?

You can feel hurt - please dont act on it.
This may damage your family relationships and it is not your wedding.

I think this has highlighted the fact that while as a couple you have treated the children fairly that no relationship has formed between the children themselves.

Her father is her father. You are an extension of him.
But your children who are of no real relation to her are not ranked.

They have no bond. They didn’t grow up together and while she may care for them as people she may not love them.

Her father can clarify but she hasn’t done anything wrong

Not really part of this thread (sorry Kamj) but personally I'm not wild about small children at a wedding.

Not inviting half-brothers? That's an awkward one to sort out

Well you may be Asked yet. As others have said it is your husbands place to have that discussion with his daughter. Weddings always cause controversy with who is asked and who isn’t. It’s their day so their decision but for you, the thought of your husband at the top table with his ex wife is making it harder for you. Plenty of time yet to sort it out.

If she is paying then let her invite who she wants. If her dad is paying then he can ask her if all of you are invited

They would be invited *

150 guests, no no mention on the evening invite either, the groom doesnt have a blended family and isnt that big a family,
I dont know tbh, what will be will be, im just a little hurt over it, i felt we would be invited thats all, x