Stepdaughters wedding

Perhaps they may be invited for the evening reception? Given the cost of weddings these days, the bride might be in a situation where she is limiting herself to, say, 50 to the main proceedings and then a few more in the evening. Most hotels offer a package which goes up as the numbers increase. Perhaps, as it’s a blended family, there are others that she has to invite. The bridegroom may also have to invite certain family members. Could that be something to do with it?

Thank you x

Kamj
I've no solutions, just a lot of sympathy for the awful situation you are in.

DH did ask in case it was a mistake but was told in no uncertain terms that no children (even a half brother) were invited.

I'd be upset if other children have been invited and can totally see where you're coming from but at the end of the day it's their choice. Sadly missing out siblings, half siblings and step siblings isn't as unusual as you'd think. DH's eldest son is getting married next year but as they're having a no children rule apart from their own children who are very young they've decided not to invite the bridegroom's youngest half brother who will be 13 at the time. They've invited his other half brother but he's an adult. If numbers were an issue I would have preferred it if they'd invited the younger half brother and not invited me as a step parent but that's what they've chosen to do and it's their wedding.

A big formal wedding is not an event most boys enjoy anyway.
When our three were young we were all invited to a friend's wedding.
My Mum very sensibly and generously offered to take our two sons out for the day so that my husband, daughter and I could go to the wedding.
Everyone had a good time!

I think all you or your husband needs to say is, "Can I just confirm the invitation is for the two of us and not the boys?"
That way there's no hint of a reproach in the question, but if your stepdaughter says they are supposed to be included it'll sound like a bonus.
No falling out either way.

These things are better dealt with sooner rather than later. Your husband should ask her if she meant not to invite your children. She can then answer. I think an adult should have to own their decisions when it’s clear that it might cause a problem. Her saying nothing is cowardly and can cause more hurt than simply facing up to communicating your decision. Maybe it’s an error or thoughtlessness but either way get it sorted now - it’s a long time until Christmas

i feel of i ask and they're not we'll both feel bad, so im going to get hubby to reply with the assumption we are all invited and go from there x

You already said that she is touchy about things. Please, please do not do this.

Once again thank you for all the replies, though quite honestly its just confused me more, things are said that i hadnt even thought about, so head just a mess now lol, my older children havent been invited, i meant other children have been, i didnt say i wasnt going i was saying should i not go etc,
It was a simple i thought they would be invited and so did my husband, i love my step daughter so i dont want to ask her to make it akward,
Tbh im more at a loss now, but I'll get hubby to ask and go from there x

Mountain out of a molehill

You are making a mountain of a molehill

Your adult kids are invited, so why your dh not ask her dd if it is the same case for the your minor kids as you (dh, you and kids) are making arrangements to go to the wedding and you need to know to arrange childcare if needed.

This is a direct request, without putting guilt on the other party.

This is not about the wedding. It is about your expectations around this event.

The other children may well be "family" to her.

Friends children who I have seen grown from babies are more "family" to me than children connected by a recent marraige

its not children or no children.

And not being invited doesnt mean they arent liked. Just because youre not super close to someone doesnt mean you dislike them

so im going to get hubby to reply with the assumption we are all invited and go from there x

THAT is a recipe for a fall out.
Never add people to a RSVP if they werent on the invite

If you don't go to the wedding because your sons are not invited then you are effectively telling your step-daughter that she is far less important than your sons are.

This may be the truth, but if it is, you would be well to keep the fact to yourself.

For your husband's sake put a good face on this, and don't just take your sons with you. Your husband will need to ask his daughter just how many of the family are invited if the invitation is not clear.

Sorry about all the mistakes i thought theyd correct self, im doing 101 things while replying ?
Forgot to add other children are invited x
Please dont be to brutal, first post on here ? am asking because i care and dont want to upset anyone in the family x

Even if your minor kids are not invited, you can still make a wonderful holiday out of this event.
Get a sitter for them if they are not invited - if needed for the youngest- and do fun things with them and your dh before and after wedding.

I would stay out of it and let your husband deal with it,

I appreciate all advice thank you, of course my husband will sit a top table and i just said i wpuld like my boys say with me but there was no rhyme or reason bebind it, i just honestly thought theyd be invited, i thought maybe the older ones would be too but i understand that maybe they couldnt accommodate all and thats fine, i feel of i ask and they're not we'll both feel bad, so im going to get hubby to reply with the assumption we are all invited and go from there x

Step siblings arent instant family. They become family over the years.

Step siblings who have always had each other in their lives will feel like siblings/family.

You dont instantly get that just by blending a family.

They might feel like family to each other in years to come but its ubderstandable if your StepD doesnt see your children as "brothers" yet. It doesnt mean she doesnt like them. Its just not a particular bond this early in

Youre a relatively new addition to the family

If these were step siblings who had grown up together and had a sibling relationship I would be upset but theyre not. Theyre relatively new additions to each others lifes so while they may be friendly theyre not exactly family yet

Perhaps if you feel you get on very well with her you might be able to chat to her about it and ask her if it was a family invitation. Hopefully if it wasn’t intended to be she would be too embarrassed to admit it!

Only you will know if that’s the best approach and if it would maybe avoid your husband venting his annoyance and causing a rift.

Considering the age of your boys I’d be inclined to think they are included and they’ve not actually written their names on invitation.

But you’re going to have to either bite the bullet and clarify it. Or you include their names on the acceptance card and hope for the best.

Either way you don’t want it hanging over you for months when I’m sure you’ve got enough going on already.

Good luck

Does she have a no kid wedding?
Is there a limited number of guests that can be invited due to capacity?

The way you phrased your original post, it sounds like you want your sons there to keep you company and ease your anxiety as your ex will be in a different table - where he belongs, with the mother of the bride

It sounds like you are making this wedding invite about yourself, not about your sons who may want to go to the wedding to see her step sister get married.

Do you even know if your adult sons are invited?

If more remote relations and friends are invited I was would be really hurt . I would probable refuse to go myself if that was the case. Perhaps not good advice but that is how I would feel.

I agree that your husband should just politely ask. Otherwise you are going to stress about this for months.

Just* jist?