To be angry with my brother over our fathers death?

I was going to say same Sarahh1968. Grief is often combined with guilt.

Ok OP says she took her father in despite knowing his past history. Maybe the brother didn't see it same way? Who knows?

As for implying something strange about his death. That would be upsetting. What exactly did he say or is it just how you interpreted it? I think if you refuse to speak to him you will never have the opportunity to iron it out.

As for Facebook - well I don't know anyone who would go on and report a death negatively, nor would anyone offer anything other than sympathy. It means zilch anyway. Ignore that.

What matters now is how your relationship with your brothers moves from now on. If you value them, put the past to rest.

No you are not being unreasonable. Grief affects people differently but maybe he feels guilty?

Am I alone in thinking that a 'grieving' person is totally classless if their first response is to eulogise themself on social media?

I’m not sure I understand which part of the Facebook post offended you the most buttonjugs, I see many different posters deciding which part is the most offensive, but I haven’t seen if you have clarified.

The reason I am asking, is that my thoughts and advice would change depending on which part it was.

As your brother has apologised, I do hope it was a truthful one and not one just to appease you. I hope you can continue to grow your relationship

The three of you have been raised by a difficult and abusive man. Grief is a complex thing that will manifest in ways that aren't always in character. It's quite normal for some to want to normalise abusive parents and see the good, especially in death. Your father sounds like the sort of person who would be happy to hear his children had fallen out.

Even if you make the decision that that relationship isn't worth saving, don't let it destroy you and become bitter sending angry hate mail. It won't do you any good in the long run. What we allow is what will continue, from others behaviour but especially our own.

I continue to post and I'm daft, but if you continue to, it makes complete sense?

She doesn't even like her brother, yet he apologized-

I see, irrelevant and daft because you disagree ..

birds of a feather ..

Those with similar interests congregate .. and participate ..

Contributing is one thing, blindly and persisting in pursuing an irrelevant point is another. Makes one wonder about the poster.
I'm glad that the OP and her brother are reconciled which is the main thing. I'll leave you to your daft rantings.

Jane10, if contributing to threads is narcissistic, who isn't guilty?

Off your respective trollies springs to mind.

Buttonjugs I hope this has made you smile as much as it has me.

Yes there are but when someone is referred too as being a narcissist it's because they're viewed as having the unhealthy traits and not just the healthy ones.

Narcissism is an spectrum.

There are some healthy narcissistic traits.

Is there such a thing as a "good" narcissist?

Jane10 -- Would that be rosecarmel or Me? Because if you're referring to rosecarmel, "What about MEEE?!?!" and if you are calling us both Narcissists please don't. I don't like to share titles or anything else. No "good" Narcissist has an 'equal'.

Turning a thread into one all about themselves? Hmmm ultimate narcissism. !

m.youtube.com/watchv=taqzb52sgpu

Scapegoats -- The participation medal 'winners' of the family. Instead, goats should get a medal of honor or something. I didn't participate in my family... I survived them.

Yeah, it usually gets worse for some people- Especially when the company that goes door to door canonizing the self-perecuted as saints do a drive-by blessing with holy water and toss an honorable mention medal at them- At which point the self-persecutionist pitches a fit Herman Munster style and winds up in the dungeon, spending the rest of their days self-flagellating ..

rosecarmel -- "In essence the post wasn't about his sister, which could be what pissed her off- He didn't extol her martyrdom." Exactly.

Also, if the roles were reversed and brother had taken care of 'dad', if he had been looking for support/sympathy for what he had done, he would get told, "You are just doing what you were supposed to do. Nobody is going to thank you for that."

OP justified her bad behavior (refusing to answer her brother's multiple calls and going off with "both barrels") by saying it was in RE-action to what he 'did'. She did something crappy and blames her behavior on him. That is the very definition of Scapegoating.

The abusers mantra -- "If I did 'it', 'it' wasn't that bad. And if it was? You deserved 'it'."

It gets worse. It really is bizarre but entertaining nonetheless.

HolyHannah, think martyr syndrome, then go back and re-read the OP's posts-

All that self-persecution, the seeking of sympathy from family and friends, then turning up here for yet another injection of "poor you" which she received in litres-

It's evident the brother didn't want to contribute- Upon the death of his father, he created a one dimensional dream man, someone healthy and positive to model himself after, and then took what he might have thought was a camouflaged swat at his sister when he said something about the fathers death was odd-

In essence the post wasn't about his sister, which could be what pissed her off- He didn't extol her martyrdom- So she broke him, to make him smaller to fit her mold-

American manure? Really Jane10? But where do the toes and the cheese come in?

I think it's a sort of American manure. There's a lot of that about.