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Am I selfish, a bad neighbour or just plain spiteful?

(175 Posts)
Oldwoman70 Tue 02-Jun-20 11:30:20

Throughout this lockdown I have had two neighbours call on me, not to ask how I am coping or if I needed anything but to ask favours.

One neighbour called the second week (before I had managed to secure a regular supermarket delivery) to say they were going supermarket shopping and would I take in a parcel - didn't ask how I was doing or if I needed anything.

I am now receiving supermarket deliveries and this neighbour rang my doorbell this morning and asked if they could add their shopping to mine as they couldn't get a delivery slot. Apparently they are all fine just fed up of queuing at the supermarket. When I refused I was accused of being a bad neighbour - I said if they were ill I would have done so but they had never once asked if I needed anything when going on their regular shopping expeditions, never once called to ask how I was doing.

In my defence I would point out that I am always helping neighbours, taking in parcels, holding keys and watching houses even having their post delivered to me when they are away.

Will now don my hard hat, duck behind the sofa and wait for the condemnations from you all!

OceanMama Tue 02-Jun-20 11:33:16

Taking in a parcel, small thing to ask, so no big deal to do.

Asking you to add their groceries to theirs is unfair. That's abusing the system and they shouldn't ask you to do that. I guess one or two items to save them a trip maybe, but otherwise, no.

I don't think you're a bad neighbour. Maybe they didn't ask if you need anything because they assumed you'd ask if you did, like they do?

kittylester Tue 02-Jun-20 11:33:58

I would have acted as you did too.

Shove over behind that sofa!

Pantglas2 Tue 02-Jun-20 11:35:14

I don’t think you’re unreasonable given everything you already do, there will always be the odd one or two who go over the top with requests.

MissTree Tue 02-Jun-20 11:36:01

Some people are just thoughtless. They live in their own little worlds and genuinely don’t think someone else might need help. If asked they probably would be willing to help.
Obviously you come over as a friendly helpful person who has that great quality of being able to put yourself in someone else’s shoes or they wouldn’t have asked you.

gillybob Tue 02-Jun-20 11:36:26

Well Oldwoman I don’t think you’re a bad neighbour at all . Quite the contrary it would seem . Like you I take parcels in fir neighbours all the time run little errands for one or two . We’re quite lucky in so much as I am able to shop for myself and my father but there’s not one member of my small family who’ve asked if I’m managing okay or did we need anything. I just keep on trying to be all things to everyone like always .

I think perhaps you are just beginning to realise that being a good neighbour works both ways .

Calendargirl Tue 02-Jun-20 11:37:52

What a cheek, asking you to add their shopping to yours. If they are fit enough to go shopping, then they should.
What if there were substitutions when it came, why should you have the hassle?
I think they were out of order asking in the first place.

arosebyanyothername Tue 02-Jun-20 11:47:27

I don’t think you’re unreasonable or selfish, none of your neighbours have offered to help you out.
Asking you to take their post in without asking you if they can get you anything while they're out is!

25Avalon Tue 02-Jun-20 11:48:40

If you are over 70 then they are the bad neighbours trying to muscle in on your delivery spot. Can they not find another supermarket with a delivery slot or do click and collect or even go to the supermarket themselves rather than impose on you? So no I don’t think you are being unreasonable.

labazsisslowlygoingmad Tue 02-Jun-20 12:00:33

taking parcels is ok if a one off but people do tend to take the mickey a bit. do it once and you are landed with it regularly. as for mixing shopping its a nightmare and if they can go out they can get their shopping then

Bellasnana Tue 02-Jun-20 12:15:13

They are the selfish ones. What a cheek expecting you to add their shopping to yours! Don’t waste any more time on them.

Orangerose Tue 02-Jun-20 12:24:05

You are a good neighbour. ? They have a dam cheek. Some people just live in a selfish bubble.

Callistemon Tue 02-Jun-20 12:25:32

If they had asked you if there was anything you wanted each time they went to the supermarket that would be different but they sound very self-absorbed and thoughtless.

What a shame. This has brought out the best and the worst in people.

Callistemon Tue 02-Jun-20 12:27:55

We often used to take in parcels for one neighbour in particular but the same neighbours have been excellent, asking after our welfare and asking us if we need anything bringing from the food shop.
Another added some items to her list when we couldn't get a slot at first.

MawB Tue 02-Jun-20 12:29:03

I’m another one on your side (it’s getting very crowded behind this sofa!)
I did in fact volunteer to add my neighbour’s shopping to mine on several occasions (doubling the bill!) and I was happy to, but separating out her shopping from mine, then working out her bill (different answer every time!) could take the best part of an hour so I was not unhappy when she told me she had at last got a Tesco slot.

Glorybee Tue 02-Jun-20 12:29:12

Oldwoman70 you sound like a good and helpful neighbour. Please don’t feel guilty about not adding anyone’s shopping to your delivery, that sounds so cheeky and it’s because they are too lazy themselves, and as you said, are fed up with queuing. That’s infuriating!

Barmeyoldbat Tue 02-Jun-20 12:29:36

Move over behind the sofa because I would have done the same

Callistemon Tue 02-Jun-20 12:32:02

I hope the sofa is big enough for us all to self-distance!

rosenoir Tue 02-Jun-20 12:39:21

I would have done what they asked just because it makes things awkward when there is bad feeling between neighbours.

I have a neighbour that I fell out with over something trivial, now we avoid each and I find village events uncomfortable.

One of those times when do you want to be right or happy.

gillybob Tue 02-Jun-20 12:40:41

I think we should shove that sofa as we are all in agreement !

MerylStreep Tue 02-Jun-20 12:41:34

I'm getting a bit peed off with my neighbour asking me to order stuff from Amazon/ ebay/ garden centres. And then proceeds to lecture me as to how unsafe it is to give your card details to someone you don't know !!!!
I've tried and tried to educate her but to no avail.

OceanMama Tue 02-Jun-20 12:44:22

rosenoir, if someone reacts like that to your having reasonable boundaries, they are the ones with the problem. Even if it seemed to be a minor favour, there are all sorts of reasons you might say no, even if it's just that you're tired or your favourite program is on the tele and you want to watch it.

Looks like everyone supports OldWoman70 here.

Violettham Tue 02-Jun-20 12:47:43

is there room for one more behind the sofa

Callistemon Tue 02-Jun-20 12:50:09

Where's my measuring stick?

Kalu Tue 02-Jun-20 12:51:56

You sound like a very good obliging neighbour but when you realise it’s all one sided you naturally begin to feel taken for granted. Time to let them fend for themselves and just maybe, they will appreciate what you have already done for them.

I have stopped taking deliveries for one neighbour who could barely say thank you when I arrived at her door with her parcels. Why do I bother?

No need for a hard hat Oldwoman. I would have done the same as you.