Gransnet forums


Mother’s Day/Fathers day.

(71 Posts)
Minigrandma Mon 22-Jun-20 22:06:15

I would like others opinions.

On Mother’s Day I got a card from my son and his family, no gift of any kind which I was ok with.

Father’s Day my husband gets two cards one from the grandchildren and one from him, and a small gift.

We never get expensive gifts off them for other days which I have been ok with, even though we spend a lot on their family I like to give presents.

They both have good jobs so it’s not a money issue.

I feel hurt that I obviously am not thought of as much as his dad is, even though it’s me that does all the child minding for their children, before they started school and in the holidays.

Am I being stupid to think this way?

MarieEliza Tue 23-Jun-20 10:50:41

Each year our son writes a card to his dad for Father’s Day but his wife always wrote my Mother’s Day card from him.
I mentioned it one year and since then he has written it, I almost felt it was like a boss asking for his secretary to send his wife something nice for her birthday but as someone said in this forum maybe I was being over sensitive

rowyn Tue 23-Jun-20 10:52:18

Remember that there will be many mothers out there who received nothing.

T56ers Tue 23-Jun-20 10:53:21

Might they think of you as a strong, non-needy person? I know that's how I am perceived - but it would be nice if occasionally the proverbial boat could be pushed out.
Also, have you ever said: "Oh, don't worry about it, just a nice card will be nice."

TATT Tue 23-Jun-20 10:59:15

It’s easy to understand why you’re miffed, Minigrandma, especially as you are so generous with your time to help with your grandchildren. There may well be a simple explanation - other Grans have talked about the difficulties with lockdown. My daughter bought my Mum a gift card for her birthday last year and it was only when she decided to tidy a drawer this Spring that she found it tucked away in her ‘safe place’! My Mum must have been puzzled, but she never said a word.

Minigrandma Tue 23-Jun-20 11:07:31

Thank you for all you replies.

I am not going to bring the subject up as I am not very comfortable being confrontational. I will just let it go.

It still hurts though. ☹️

Nannan2 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:10:49

Hmm.NEVER say, "oh you shouldn't have" (if you do get a card/gift) or "oh, i don't need anything" (if asked if theres anything in particular you want/need) or " i don't need anything for mothers day"! OR "i dont need a reward for being your mum- i have you!" (Before OR at time of giving) Then you can't be misconstrued! Trust me on this, ive 7 children between 17-40 and if you arent SPECIFIC enough it can be misconstrued. (especially by the youngest 2) grin Heres flowers for all you lovely ladiesflowers

helsbels6 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:15:15

Agree with earlier comments, Mother’s Day happened as lockdown started.
When mine ask me what I want for Mother's day I always say a hug and if you want to bring me something a bunch of daffodils is all I want.
Dad tends to get more expensive gifts but it really doesn’t bother me.

Hawera1 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:18:54

I get hurt when my son forgets or doesn't make an effort. His partner leaves it to.him. I'm still.miffed my friend said she had bought me a present in Israel and haven't seen it yet with several years gone by.

Hawera1 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:20:18

Get hubby to have a quiet word

Nannan2 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:26:20

Also, yes there were problems as lockdown was involved at time of mothers day, i did not get anything from middle DD when usually shes all about personalising gifts to fit the receiver, but 2 cards turned up a few days after mums day, post marked BEFORE it, so posties were clearly overwhelmed, but it wasnt till i rang to thank her that she mentioned did i like my gift? What gift? Turns out Royal Mail had kindly lost that so shes had to wait & give enough time to either put in a claim for missing items or just buy it again then risk send it again.or save it till i dare go out & about again!hmm

paddyanne Tue 23-Jun-20 11:31:14

I tell mine no cards or gifts every year ,its just commercial nonsense ,in fact I tell them no presents or cards all the time .My daughter rarely listens and her girls will make wee things for me and my son always checks that he's heard right as his partners mum loves presents .I know my children and grandchildren love me ,I hear from them every day and before lockdown saw them most days too they tell me they love me regularly and thats far more important .If I want something I buy it .

melp1 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:31:16

My eldest forgot my birthday and it wasn't until he called round a few days later and my grandaughter noticed cards and a huge box of chocs from my youngest (which I was so glad to share with them).
He was so apologetic, told him don't worry both he and his wife have had to work through lockdown and with schooling and so much going on I'm not surprised. Told him I've had so many birthdays would be quite glad to forget a few.
Suggested we all go out somewhere for a meal when lockdown eases.
I felt bad because he was so sorry, his wife even rang when he got home to say sorry.

Nannan2 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:32:16

Haha TATT, thats the sort of thing i do, or i buy cards, as i cant find the ones i DID buy ahead, then find first ones straight after, (often buying SAME card as i already bought weeks before, as i must have liked it!)....grin

Harris27 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:37:36

Sorry but I agree why this would happen would bother me so I must be sensitive too it would niggle at me.

Nannan2 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:39:33

One son sent his youngest brothers birthday cards late as he'd found them under the front seat of his car, a few days afterwards, thinking he (or his partner) had already sent them as he couldn't find them in the house, nor could she when she double checked hmmgrin

icanhandthemback Tue 23-Jun-20 11:42:28

MiniGrandma, the same happened to me this year because Lockdown made it difficult. Father's Day was celebrated in a much more elaborate manner with a flurry of cards! The irony of it is, I really miss the children and grandchildren where DH is happy at not having to put himself out for them. He is such an unsociable g*t sometimes!

Bopeep14 Tue 23-Jun-20 11:43:07

Yes you have every right to be hurt, i would be.

I was felt hurt a few years ago when my daughter in law presented me with a small bunch of flowers and her mum got a very expensive handbag, we were all eating lunch together, so it wasn't difficult to see her gift.

My son obviously knew nothing about it his face was a picture. He apologised afterwards and i let it go, i knew how much my son loved me.

A few years on this son no longer is in my life so no card off him.

I would say nothing just to keep peace.

homefarm Tue 23-Jun-20 11:54:17

Happens to me all the time.
New ipad for his 70th small amazon voucher for me.
Household appliances from him over the years as birthday /xmas gifts
It goes on

Sue500 Tue 23-Jun-20 12:01:14

Father’s Day in Aus. Is first Sunday in September so your son still has time to remember

Sue500 Tue 23-Jun-20 12:03:00

Was meant as reply to Smileless2012.

Holidayenthusiast Tue 23-Jun-20 12:04:27

Exactly the same thing happens to me and I must admit that it is getting me down. Throughout their lives I have done everything for them while their father has contributed very little. He is seen as the fun one because he likes a drink and a joke while I am more steady one and do most of the parenting. You are not alone, Minigrandma.

Rosiestocks Tue 23-Jun-20 12:12:59

Minigrandma-I just wanted to let you know that exactly the same thing happened to me. I've put it down to the virus and/or lockdown as it's never happened before. But I must admit I do feel a bit hurt too. Stay safe

leeds22 Tue 23-Jun-20 12:14:08

Don’t worry about it! We have a secret competition every year to see how many, out of three, remembers birthdays, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, never receive presents although all three a well off. DH got one card but three phone calls this Father’s Day, something of a record.

Pinkrinse Tue 23-Jun-20 12:16:08

The same thing happened to me this year, but Mother’s Day was at the start of the lockdown, the world was a bit crazy, so I count myself lucky to have got a card. I normally get 2 presents and cards, this year just cards. It was a weird time, and we couldn’t visit so I’m just letting it go. Will be dropping massive hints next year thou as once was enough without a gift, xxxx

Calendargirl Tue 23-Jun-20 12:19:41

My DH often seems to have more spent on him at Christmas and birthdays etc., but he does a lot for DS and family, helping with decorating, hedge cutting, other gardening jobs.

I have always done school collections, and provided meals after school twice a week.

But DS occasionally turns up with some flowers when there is no particular occasion.

I don’t mind, I hope they appreciate how much DH does for them. As for me, I think I am harder to buy for, as I never really want anything, and don’t expect them to spend on me.

The best presents are with a bit of thought behind them. After DD came over for a quick holiday on her own from Oz several years ago, my Christmas present was an enlarged family photo from a BBQ held on her birthday.
I told DS he couldn’t have given me anything better.