Gransnet forums


moving ...

(63 Posts)
moggie57 Sat 04-Jul-20 12:43:24

i have been offered a 1 bedroom flat at a place in west sussex .its not exactly where i want it .but its near the sea and my my daughter has said that she wants me to stay where i am as i am local to her.(but i cant stand this area now).and anyway i only see the grandchildren after church (for lunch) sometimes. .or once a week in school do i move to suit my health problems and be near my lovely brother/relatives..or do i stay put. been here 32 years is it time for a change?i wouldnt have much noise where the flat is as its nearly to the south downs. its only 1 hour and half to where i am daughter doesnt drive...i would want to move eventually to the town area .so this flat would be temporary .till i can get on the waiting list to where i want to go. do i go? if i dont there might not be another chance and have to wait how long ??//

Bazza Sun 05-Jul-20 10:23:04

Just do it! Definitely.

Thecatshatontgemat Sun 05-Jul-20 10:36:26

One life to live.....

MagicWriter2016 Sun 05-Jul-20 10:45:07

Go, am sure your daughter will come round eventually. You could get a bed settee so she could visit and stay over for a day or two. After you have been there 6-12 months you could then apply for a transfer/exchange to the town if you don’t like it. It’s all about getting your foot in the door when it comes to housing. Life is too short to waste it being unhappy. Good luck.

Chardy Sun 05-Jul-20 10:46:28

I love living in between the sea and the South Downs. In normal times, it's a sociable place to live eg I think I have 4 branches of U3A within a bus ride, all with a varied array of things to join. The public transport is excellent, both train and bus. The weather is lovely. Hope I've encouraged you.

Sugarpufffairy Sun 05-Jul-20 11:00:27

I have done it. I moved. Best thing I ever did.
Seeing your daughter and grandchildren once a week is not enough reason to stay if a place you don't like.
I was the grandmother who babysat so that daughters could work unsociable hours. I also cleaned, did laundry, ironed, decorated and did gardening for my kids. I realised that the only time I was spoken to was when they wanted something. They never just visited for tea and a natter. I got no real help with heavy things or anything really.
Despite having moved just prior to lockdown I am much happier. I have had more conversations with the new neighbours despite social distancing than I had with my kids.
Do it for you and enjoy a new adventure.
Best wishes for a happy new life

Debutante Sun 05-Jul-20 11:07:28

I agree with the Carp Diem sentiments completely! From experience I have learnt that you need to grab any chance to be happy. There is no point in looking to the future too much in an attempt to ‘future proof’ and try to make ourselves safe. I don’t know how old you are but I found that after 60 time evaporates at an even more alarming rate. Is it a dream of yours to live near the sea? I know it’s a cliche but if so ‘follow your dream.’ We lived by the sea with sea views but some very unlucky sets of circumstance made us start to think we’d be better nearer our daughters, hospitals and more sophisticated infrastructure, so we moved back to outer London. I am now a grandmother and many would think we made the right move as we are nearer to visit etc. However, I’m very unhappy and regretting it deeply. I am besotted with my grandson and want to help my daughter, but I think there is an assumption that the role of grandmother is totally fulfilling. I think it is a mistake to revolve life around family if it means denying what you really want for yourself. Living by the sea made me feel alive! I was motivated to get up every morning and go for walks by the sea, walk to the fishmonger on the beach or just gaze out to sea. So relaxing but also it gives a sense of freedom and a feeling of anything is possible just seeing that horizon. We have lovely walks where I live but I am nowhere near as motivated to walk in woods and fields. When we lived by the sea we saw our daughters less frequently but they loved coming to visit and we had quality time with them. They loved the haven and oasis it provided away from urban life. Your daughter will find a way to visit and will hopefully get used to the idea. I’m hoping mine will understand too when we eventually move back to the coast and risk being alone down there one day. It’s a risk I’m prepared to take to make the most of life while I can! I really hope you can do what you want to do and don’t end up regretting missing an opportunity.

Tooyoungytobeagrandma Sun 05-Jul-20 11:08:16

Another saying do what's right for you. Your dd could upsticks and move without a thought for you. I was talking to a (more elderly) neighbour last pm, who I check up on couple times a week, about moving (getting divorced) & about doing this and that for people. She looked me straight in the eye and said "when are you going to do for you?" "when are you going to retire, sit back and enjoy doing things just for you?" "You'll be as old as me one day and wonder why you didn't". She's in her 80's still married (unhappily) and a right feisty lady but she has made me think that once my divorce is finalised if I can afford it I'm going to retire, stop rushing around and enjoy my new home and surroundings. My kids have their own lives and if they want to see me will know where to find me (unless I don't want them to 😉)

billericaylady Sun 05-Jul-20 11:23:33

Gowinkand let us know how much you love it sunshine

grandtanteJE65 Sun 05-Jul-20 11:44:02

Of course you should go. It is your daughter's problem to find out how to visit you, not yours.

It doesn't sound as if you see all that much of her anyhow.

albertina Sun 05-Jul-20 11:47:28

Make a list of pros and cons. See which is longer.

All the very best for the future whatever your decision.

icanhandthemback Sun 05-Jul-20 11:47:50

I'd go...a flat by the sea in a quiet area. It sounds like bliss to me!

llig Sun 05-Jul-20 11:52:57

Go for it. Enjoy your time

Saggi Sun 05-Jul-20 11:53:28

Yes, IVe always thought of my kids first.... what a wasted time that’s been. Seize this opportunity to move. I’m stuck near my kids and grandkids ... which is good.... but now I’m older I wish I was nearer my sister. We could move , but my husband is belligerent and won’t even consider it..I’m telling you if he goes first my house will be up for sale next day. Go! Do what is best for you for once.

jerseygirl Sun 05-Jul-20 12:12:23

Go and be happy. You only get one life, you deserve to be happy and to live where you want. Good luck xx

tinysidsmum Sun 05-Jul-20 12:20:57

Just move as you have the chance

Dowsabella Sun 05-Jul-20 12:38:01

Go! Go! Go!
I'm green with envy!! A flat in West Sussex? I wouldn't hesitate!! There are trains for your daughter to use if she wants to visit. Yes, she'll miss you, but she'll learn to be independent. And she'll out find the advantages of having a mum near the coast: free seaside holidays, if a bit of a squash! And who knows, you might have more quality time with your grandchildren!
Enjoy your new life!

Nana4 Sun 05-Jul-20 13:00:48

Definitely do what’s best for you. Doesn’t sound like you see a lot of your grandchildren and you and your brother get on.
Go for it!!

quizqueen Sun 05-Jul-20 13:07:34

Do what's best for you, not your daughter. Get a bed settee and your grandchildren could come down for the holidays and spend some lovely times with you by the sea.

Juicylucy Sun 05-Jul-20 13:12:54

Go go go. How exciting for you.

sodapop Sun 05-Jul-20 13:13:25

I agree with everyone else, sounds from your post that you want to go so don't miss the opportunity. I'm sure you can agree a way of visiting with your daughter, bed settee.B&B etc. The problem can't be insurmountable with goodwill on both sides. Good luck.

Purplepixie Sun 05-Jul-20 13:15:55

You only live once so just please yourself and don’t be bullied or black mailed by anyone.

Eloethan Sun 05-Jul-20 13:19:50

moggie If you hate where you live and don't feel there's much benefit to staying there, I think you should seize the opportunity to move. West Sussex is a lovely county - I lived there for several years - and the weather is pretty good there too.

Good luck and I hope it all turns out well for you.

3nanny6 Sun 05-Jul-20 14:17:43

moggie57 you have got the chance to go beside the sea and have already been offered a flat, just go and enjoy it.

I have been having the same thoughts for about two years and have still done nothing about it so I need to get my own life in order as I would love to settle near a coastal area. I too have stayed in my area for many years just to please my daughter who has my grand-children. Life is too short.

Scribbles Sun 05-Jul-20 14:27:13

moggie, what are you waiting for? Just go!!

SueDonim Sun 05-Jul-20 14:45:52

Get packing those boxes.