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Email Address

(76 Posts)
donna1964 Mon 13-Jul-20 22:19:27

I in the last two days have found out that my brother is using my Email Address without my permission. I received 2 emails addressed to him confirming a cancellation and rescheduled appointment. I emailed the 'Sender' and told them to delete my email address a.s.a.p as my brother was using my email address without my permission. I received an email back to say it had been done. But, I have not dealt with my brother yet...I have sent him at txt today to say "Don't think i don't know you have been using my email address!! He has not replied. This is what my family members are like...they have no shame. My standards have always been different and I live by my conscience. Over 56 years I have had so many sly, sneaky things done to me by my siblings. Yet, in my father and mothers eyes I have always been blamed not them. If I was to go and have it out with him...he would twist it and tell my Mother & Father a different version and I would be called the trouble causer. What am I to do? My mother or father has never listened to me..they hear me shouting about it and then I am accused of causing trouble...never ever have they blamed the other sibling when it is blatent they are wrong. I am not supposed to say anything, be walked over and say nothing. That is how it has always been...and my siblings know that. My down fall is getting into an argument with them and I end up shouting because I am never listened too. But I think anyone would shout if you knew all of what they have done. I feel so angry and so insulted that he believes he can get away with this...yet he knows I am not soft. There have been many times I have walked away from the family for they affect my mental health. This time around I am only back on the scene because my Mother & Father are both 82 & 83 and their health is not good. I do more for them than any of the others and quite frankly my Parents do not deserve my time for all they have put me through over the years. But, I am not them...I don't behave like them and will do right by them until the end of their life. I have to live with myself and I don't want any regrets when they pass...despite everything I want to live with I did all I could for them while they were alive. A lot of you may not understand my actions....when I have been scapegoated. Can I ask for advice regarding my brother...what would you do?

annep1 Mon 13-Jul-20 22:27:03

I don't understand how he can use your email without your password.

jenpax Mon 13-Jul-20 22:27:49

I understand why you might feel obligated towards your parents, but you need not feel the same about your brother. I would just have no more to do with him or anyone else who treats you with disrespect!
I am not clear really what your brother gained by using your email address as unless you gave him the password he would be unable to read any emails! The whole thing sounds very Bizarre!!

aggie Mon 13-Jul-20 22:29:09

How can he use the email without you knowing ? Just change the password

welbeck Mon 13-Jul-20 22:35:32

what advantage did it give him to use your email.
surely he cannot read them.
anyone can get an email address for free.
why doesn't he do that.
does he not have internet access.

geekesse Mon 13-Jul-20 22:39:05

The email thing is simple. Change your password or get a new email address.

The rest of the email is bizarre. It reads like the bickering of stroppy teenagers. Why, in God’s name, are aged adults fighting over their parents approval? This is not normal!

Starblaze Mon 13-Jul-20 22:45:50

Could it be a mistake on the companies part? Are your email addresses similar? He shouln't be able to use your email in any fraudulent way I can think of.

I am estranged from my immediate family. What was right for me and my children was putting my mental health first. I think otherwise I would have ended up like you, doing all the donkey work and it getting me nothing but more abuse.

Don't let them hurt you.

If he is deliberately using your email, I wouldn't address it with him, perhaps he was trying to let you know he needed this appointment or otherwise play silly games. Don't play.

FlexibleFriend Tue 14-Jul-20 10:27:26

I'd ignore the email nonsense, just change your password and he won't be able to access it.
I certainly wouldn't bother my parents with anything their adult kids are up to, what's the point?

donna1964 Tue 14-Jul-20 10:41:47

anneple...he know my email address as I have replied to his emails in the past. He had cancelled an appointment last minute ... the Company have acknowledged the Cancellation and acknowledged the new date of an appointment. What he has not been aware of is that I have received the emails as typically I would as it my email address he has used.

donna1964 Tue 14-Jul-20 10:56:23

jenpax... I have not give my password to my brother. He does have his own email is bazarre!! But I feel like he and other siblings are trying my patience at the minute...I am just about to become Power of Attorney to both my Mum & Dad...both Health & present it is in the process of being registered. I and another brother are both taking this on. I think there is jealousy somewhere along the line. Plus the brother who is to become the other Power of Attorney wanted to be able to go and make decisions without my consent and I have put a stop to it...We have met up with the Solicitor and I have pushed that neither of us make any decisions without either consents...I don't think my brother (other Power of Attorney) is happy about this. At present he is holding all my Mum & Dads money and has been for some time. I don't trust him or any of my family and despite everything the others do know that I am the most honest of them all and I am the one that gets things done. I could not care if there were no money left when my Parents leave this world as long as the money has been spent on them. But, the others are not like that..they do nothing for my Parent yet will be waiting for a hand out when they have gone.

donna1964 Tue 14-Jul-20 10:59:50

geekesse... yes the others are like stroppy teenagers and always will be. But, I won't allow any of them to take advantage of me nor disrespect matter what. I am glad everything is perfect in your is only then that you can judge others!!

donna1964 Tue 14-Jul-20 11:05:05

starblaze... I am glad you made the decision to walk away from your immediate family...I will be doing the same once my Parents have left this world. I don't speak to them as it is...they have done too much to me that has hurt me deeply.

Starblaze Tue 14-Jul-20 11:16:17

donna it's heartbreaking to be treated badly by the people who are supposed to be there for you. I'm glad you have a good handle on it all

Chewbacca Tue 14-Jul-20 11:24:46

Do you live with your brother donna1964? If you don't then I just don't understand how your brother has accessed your email account to be able to send emails from it? Even if he knows your email address, because you've emailed him in the past, that doesn't enable him to actually send emails from that address? If you suspect he's hacking your account, you need to contact your IP provider.

As for the parental/sibling rivalry; I have no advice.

TrendyNannie6 Tue 14-Jul-20 11:37:35

You are a good person Donna, it’s just so heartbreaking when you are trying to do your utmost best for your parents, and your brother is pulling the other way, not all siblings have their parents best interests at heart, Believe me I know, I walked away from it all after my parents died, and it felt like a big cloud had been lifted, no nastiness from siblings, sometimes they need a big kick up the backside, but I believe in karma, what goes around comes around, treat other people how you expect to be treated yourself is so true, I would change your email, sorry to hear you are going through this

TrendyNannie6 Tue 14-Jul-20 11:52:23

Also Donna when a sibling is hell bent on running to their parents telling tales to them which aren’t true and blaming you, it says so much about them as a person, I wouldn’t say anything to your parents, it will be like tit for tat, he obviously has issues, I wish you well and hope somehow you get this sorted

jenpax Tue 14-Jul-20 12:26:32

Chewbacca I think the OP is saying that he booked and gave her email address as his own not that he was sending emails from her account. Either way it’s very bizarre

Chewbacca Tue 14-Jul-20 12:28:07

Ah, that's a bit clearer, thanks Jenpax.

Blinko Tue 14-Jul-20 12:33:16

Presumably the OP and her brother live together... sorry, I'm not quite getting all this. Does the whole family live together?

EllanVannin Tue 14-Jul-20 12:33:25

It wouldn't benefit anyone by using someone else's email address unless it was the same pc they were using ?

lemongrove Tue 14-Jul-20 12:37:40

This is just too bizarre, as others have noted.hmm

Ramblingrose22 Tue 14-Jul-20 12:48:03

Donna - could your brother have sent an email from his own email address and asked the recipients to use your email address for their replies? It sounds like a form of controlling behaviour - "I'll use your email address if I want to".

As others have said, I don't see how he could have used your email address to send an email without knowing your password. You must change your password to stop this.

I had a very fractious relationship with my mother and siblings until my mother died so I know what it's like to deal with this type of behaviour. My siblings used to wind my mother up against me in the hope that she'd cut me out of her will. Fortunately their efforts failed but as my mother was more than willing to believe that I was a very bad person so this carried on for years.

Trust no-one (including solicitors) and make sure that no-one can make financial decisions on behalf of your parents without your consent. Put this in writing to the solicitor you are dealing with too.

My DH has power of attorney for his mother both health and financial) and other close family members had to agree to him taking on this role. Don't allow yourself to be cut out of the loop.

I hope this helps.

geekesse Tue 14-Jul-20 13:24:12

He may have just hit ‘reply to all’ when he emailed them, and they hit ‘reply to all’ when they sent their email in reply.

CardiffJaguar Wed 15-Jul-20 09:34:35

This is not a security problem. Obviously anyone who has someone's email address could give that address to another or company but why? As you have found you got that email, but it was not for you and nothing to do with you so you can simply delete it. What you have done is OK but you only need to take further action if you get unsolicited emails on a regular basis (spam). As for stopping your brother or anyone else from giving out your email then you may have to consider legal action, but wait and see.

BassGrammy Wed 15-Jul-20 09:35:49

Could it be that he has filled something in online, used your email address, but didn’t intend to ever access a reply? It seems a bit pointless to do that, but I can see how it could be done. Also, once you have entered your email in a website, you tend to get emails from them, maybe he was trying to avoid that So didn’t use his own email address. You’d know if he was using your email to send messages as they would be in “sent messages”