Advice welcomed

Bloody hell if I get to 89 and am still fit enough to go out I would go. Non of us know how long we have left and having watched my father wither away with altzheimers I intend to do as much as I can as safely as I can. Life is short, definately rather enjoy another year doing things /going places than more staying in scared to go out.

My parents are 89 and 87 and I know how you feel but dad has told me straight he is doing what he wants and to be honest when you are their age, what can I say.

Frankly, I wouldn't be keen on her going. This virus has not gone, however much we want it to be, and groups of people indoors are amongst the highest risk. And those in their 80s and 90s are the most vulnerable.

Best to make the most of summer and stick to socialising in the garden or park.

'It's really about me and my feelings'. 'She is a sensible person with capacity' 'It is me who's worrying on Mum's behalf'. 'Definitely going to the club to check their procedures'. GirlyGirl, you obviously love and care for your Mum a lot. Terrific. If we add the word respect to your above comments you might manage with a little more ease (we all have areas of concern and awareness). Does it occur to you that your Mum with her 'capacity' will perhaps already have checked out the club's procedures? I know there is a huge age related concern with Covid but be assured that the oldies I know are equally concerned about their children and grandchildren. We tend not to voice it though. This is not a criticism of you. Certainly not. It is my experience that those of us who have managed maturity pretty unscathed are incredibly grateful for that and usually have designs on keeping it that way. Try not to overdo the concern. I know it's difficult but we're all groping our way through this new experience to some degree or other. Well done you.

I agree to let her make her own decision, but Covid is a horrible way to die.?

Kim19 thanks for your comments and please note I do respect my Mum's choices and wishes which is why I have tried to seek out opinions prior to discussing my concerns.
However new development today. Mum had a call from her 2 best friends who feel its too soon to go back and another friend who is the wife of the local councillor isn't keen either which has in my Mum's words put the lid on it. So again thanks for the welcome advice all. Much appreciated to have so many viewpoints.

Incidentally I mention local councillor as my Mum thinks this lady is far more knowledgeable about whats going on locally than anyone else including family!

Excellent outcome all round. This is so good. My friends and I have just made a similarly disappointing decision for a function we so wanted to attend and it's in October.

My Mum is 78 and in ill health with my stepfather (he's a couple of years younger) laying down the law as to what is safe and what isn't. Now, I know he looks after her but the other day I got a mouthful because I had arranged for a paper to be delivered and I was told that we were determined to introduce the virus to the house. My Mum isn't allowed a takeaway, foods that come into the house have to be quarantined for at least 72 hours and he tried to stop any visitors coming to sit in the garden. My Mum just wants to live, not be stuck inside with nothing to do. I expect OP's mother will feel the same. Better a shorter, happy life than a long, miserable one.

The Bingo hall will have all safety protections in place before they open, so let your Mum go, it will do her the world of good.Make sure she has the appropriate safety things with her, mask, hand sanitiser.She will have a wonderful time,her mental health will benefit too.

Let your mum go, give her a face mask and hand sanitizer to take. Obviously this depends where you live as the COVID-19 rates are higher in some areas

My Dad is nearly 90, he has C.O.P.D, he understands the risks but has returned to his club twice a week. I would like him to live forever but as we know that is not possible so i just remind myself that he needs human contact.
Your Mum needs more than 4 walls and the television, let her enjoy what time she has left.

Sound like today's new rules have sorted that issue!

I’m sure that the bingo club will take all sensible precautions, and your Mum will be delighted to get back to her friends and fun. Just let her get on with it, while she’s still able.
My family know that I would rather die of anything, rather than possibly ending up senile and incontinent in a nursing home. I’m lucky to be still active and healthy, at 81. I have taken sensible measures during the outbreak, but it hasn’t stopped me from enjoying life. I will be taking part in my usual hobbies and activities as soon as they get going again, and my family wouldn’t dream (or dare) to try stopping me.
I have told my son, in all seriousness, that if he ever comes home and finds me in the middle of a heart-attack or stroke to go for a walk around the block before calling an ambulance. I know that he wouldn’t do that, but I don’t want to linger on incapacitated.

My Mum's physical and mental health has deteriorated greatly during lockdown, even though I have continued to visit her. However, I have stayed for only an hour and have had to keep my distance. Her friend who normally visits every week has been unable to do so, although I think she has started again now.

At an advanced age, isn't it more important that elderly people are able to have meaningful contact with people? I have never seen my mum go downhill so quickly.

There must be a point at which an educated risk is taken, otherwise it seems to me that elderly people may be forever locked in their homes and locked out of society.

When this problem comes up again, perhaps in a few weeks, could you pop along to or ring the club to ask what the procedures will be? If you think it sounds reasonable, could you take sanitiser and wipes and join your mum for a little outing? She might love to take you along and show you off to her friends. This could of course only work if you live close enough!

My mum has been shielding the whole time, she is mid 80's. She hasn't been out at all due to her health conditions.

There is no way I would tell her not to go out! She is very sensible and knows to take precautions. Just let your mum start enjoying life again.

Please let your mum do what she wants, her group sounds pretty organised and enjoyable.

My dad is 97 and goes out on his own three times a week to the shops etc. I wouldn’t for one second ‘stop’ him, in the same way I wouldn’t expect him to stop me going out. He used to go to church every day, but has decided not to go back for the time being - and that was his decision entirely

We’ve talked about the risks and what is best evidence re masks, social distancing, etc., for us both.

Please ‘let’ your mum be a grown up!

is there some reason that you think that your mother is incapable of making sensible decisions about distancing, mask wearing etc? If not then I think it's up to her

My MIL is 95 and still able to get herself down to the shops and doesn't want to know about Covid. It's very difficult trying to protect her but she makes a valid point that having survived being bombed by Hitler she is not going to be reduced to a quivering wreck by a tiny bug.