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AIBU

Phones etc and manners

(111 Posts)
ClareAB Fri 21-Aug-20 12:54:51

My OH drives me mad when, in the middle of a conversation, he picks up his phone or computer and starts scrolling, answering messages etc. It feels like he's simply not interested, disengaged and bored.
It has got to the stage where if he picks up his phone and looks at it whilst I'm talking, I simply walk away and tell him I think it's rude.
He either doesn't get it, or simply doesn't care. Am I being unreasonable to find this aggravating and rude?

LadyBella Fri 04-Sep-20 18:02:44

It's the same with people who video a show. For goodness sake, just watch it while you're THERE.

ClareAB Fri 28-Aug-20 10:43:51

Thank you all. I showed my DH the comments and he was graceful in his acceptance of the 88 out of 89 comments describing the frustration this behaviour engenders.
Interestingly it also led to a discussion with my eldest son who has deleted social media from his phone as he realised that he was getting into a bad habit. My DIL is very appreciative too smile
I guess this technology is so new, etiquette has not evolved as quickly, yet. smile

Carenza123 Mon 24-Aug-20 07:56:46

I also have a husband who is constantly on his iPad, but now I think “if you can’t beat them - join them”! He also when using his mobile phone has the speaker on, so I can hear everything he and the recipient says! Drives me nuts. He also wants to know exactly who I am speaking to on MY phone and all the ins and outs. I resort now to telling white lies and secrecy. Due to this Covid we spend ALL our time together (which is not healthy). Any social interaction is limited these days - and I am accused of having “no conversation”. Well, after 50 years of marriage I am not surprised.

Lexisgranny Sun 23-Aug-20 23:16:03

I must admit to an iPad addiction, in fact I would choose it over a tv any day. However I wouldn’t dream of looking at it when there are other people around. It is comparable to those who used to feel that “just turning the tv down a little” was appropriate when unexpected guests arrived.

instagran Sun 23-Aug-20 22:57:30

It's a phenomenON. (Phenomena is plural.)

annep1 Sun 23-Aug-20 14:55:14

As long as you don't feel the need to carry your puzzle book with you when you go out Toots. 😊

Toots Sun 23-Aug-20 14:50:10

Oh dear.. I've had my head in my phone for over half an hour reading these comments...and not even half way through yet!.. 😂 seriously, I never use it when we are having a conversation, with husband (he's out at the moment!) or friends, and never EVER when my Grandaughter is around.. time with her is too precious.. but perhaps I have too many sneaky looks at it in the day... and sometimes evenings.. but I do like to keep busy, even when watching telly, so I often have my puzzle book on the go... do you think that's as bad, when I should just be watching telly with my husband.. 🤔

annep1 Sun 23-Aug-20 14:49:19

Mobile phones have their uses of course. I am at the caravan and its great to have it. My husband knows we can contact each other. And I've been able to text my son who wasn't feeling well.
But do we really need to be available for calls 24/7? Or receiving messages. Mobile phones take up too much of our time nowadays imo.

MissAdventure Sun 23-Aug-20 14:02:53

It defeats the object of having a mobile phone if you leave it indoors though, doesn't it?

NannyG123 Sun 23-Aug-20 12:55:09

I do take my phone out with me. If I'm with a friend or family when it beeps. I say ill, just look at this quickly. If needed immediate response I'll text back. If not phone gets put away until I can respond. As a childminder I sometimes get texts from parents about a school activity. I reply so they know I've seen text. Think it's very rude when someone constantly looking at phone whilst in company.

jaylucy Sun 23-Aug-20 12:44:46

It is rude.
My son has a habit of while I'm watching a programme, of watching something on his phone with the sound turned up - mid conversation too!
I got so annoyed with him one evening that I grabbed his phone out of his hand and tucked it down the side of my chair! Worked for about a week !
When I was at work, I spent more than one lunchtime (some days I was working in an office all on my own) going into the staff room, where several of my work colleauges were sitting,eating my lunch and going back to work without exchanging one word with any of them - they were all on their phones!

grannylyn65 Sun 23-Aug-20 11:18:39

I tend not to take my phone when out

PECS Sun 23-Aug-20 09:58:28

It is not polite to break off from a conversation without an ' Excuse me' if the call / message is important. However, if your DH already knows what you are going to be saying but does not know what his phone messages are saying he will prioritise the phone. Sometimes in a relationship, like marriage, one partners ' important info' is dull or repetitive to the other partner.

I am the one " guilty" in our home of always having my phone by my side. Especially during CV19 isolation as it has been my connection with family & friends. Mealtimes are the exception & I would also consider meals as conversation time too, so no checking phones then!

Hawera1 Sat 22-Aug-20 23:09:03

I'm guilty of this. Yes it's an addiction.

DorrisJohnson Sat 22-Aug-20 20:00:00

Message deleted by Gransnet. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

BoBo53 Sat 22-Aug-20 17:41:01

Not my husband as he doesn’t have a phone but the adult children who sit in my house on their phones while we entertain the grandkids and cook. So rude! I’m going to confiscate in future.

pigsmayfly. Sat 22-Aug-20 17:25:53

My h does this loads. I just stop talking and leave the room. He then says sorry and tries to encourage me to speak. I just say no, sorry you’ve missed it now, you’ll have to manage without knowing 😀

Dibbydod Sat 22-Aug-20 16:11:22

Went on holiday with a friend and found he constantly did this when I was talking , after couple days of putting up with it , then I decided I’d play him at his own game . We went out one evening at the hotel , lovely music and Spanish dancers and he kept telling me how wonderful they were , so, my reply was to ignore him as I was far too “ busy “ checking texts and sending messages on my phone , he didn’t like it one bit that I wasn’t taking any notice , but , I didn’t care . Later when we got back to our hotel room he told me it rude of me not to answer him at the show , so, I said, now you know how it feels because you’ve been doing just that same thing to me past couple days ...so .for the rest of the week he kept his phone well hidden when we were in conversation.....did the trick ...

Willitwork Sat 22-Aug-20 15:23:48

My husband is getting the same , i walk away telling him to let me know when he is free to listen to me!
He got the message!

MissAdventure Sat 22-Aug-20 15:01:20

My ex was another who really disliked Facebook- until he signed up for it, that is.
Then his whole life revolved around it.

The person I knew bore little resemblance to his online persona.

Madmaggie Sat 22-Aug-20 14:46:25

My husband is also guilty of this, yet he was the one who maintained HE would never get a mobile. He maintains others are rude and welded to their mobiles yet he cannot leave his tablet alone and watches re runs of old comedy shows with loud guffaws, endless planes taking off or landing etc. Even if I'm on the landline to my SIL talking about something serious & important to her he will be hooting with laughter much louder than necessary to the point where I can hardly hear her. Even if the TV is not on and I dare to listen to a piece of music on my tablet he will pointedly hand me his earphones and tell me to use them. He thinks nothing of interrupting me when I'm watching a 30 minute episode on TV of something I like though, usually to demand I write a shopping list 'now' (this is in the evening for the next afternoon) or, did I see this or that in the morning paper? I have tried to mirror this behaviour back but I get loud tuts, rolling eyes and flashes of temper.
My friend who is my age will occasionally put her phone on view but apologise for doing so & I am the same - e.g. when daughter was overdue or news of a poorly relative expected or a call from her daughter overseas expected. My SIL is wedded to his phone to the point of rudeness.

Buffybee Sat 22-Aug-20 14:39:27

While on holiday with my friend last year, I was a bit put out at breakfast, while chatting away, she picked up her phone, looking at messsages.
I stopped talking and she looked up and told me to carry on.
I told her I’d wait till she’d finished what she was doing.
Rude imo!

Barmeyoldbat Sat 22-Aug-20 14:38:49

I only have a bog standard phone, makes calls, takes photos and does texts. I only put it on if Mr B and I are out and are going to meet. I have a friend who comes around with her husband and answers every call and text and then shares it with us. Last time they came around I greeted them at the front door and held out what we call the the phone box that we use for the gc to put their phones in and asked her to just put her phone in it and she could pick it up when she left. She got the message.

knspol Sat 22-Aug-20 13:41:15

Really bad mannered and my DH does this too. I tried repeating the same behaviour back at him but he just didn't seem to notice!

Edithb Sat 22-Aug-20 13:36:11

DillytheGardener

Edith B my husband is exactly the same I sympathise. He does play football still with his ‘pensioner’ team, but Monday through Saturday he is watching Only Fools whilst playing on his phone. It used to drive my sons nuts when they lived here. Another generation but they weren’t that interested in their smartphones but rather IRL experiences. Now they are gone and I’m left with a screen zombie. hmm

So glad I am not alone, what is it with these tv repeats from last century? I have to listen to the very loud Star Trek music literally every evening! The only repeats I would watch are Victoria Wood because she is still hilarious.