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“Curious” neighbour

(117 Posts)
Esspee Thu 27-Aug-20 13:11:09

I would like to know your opinions to see if perhaps I am being unreasonable.
We have neighbours we get on very well with but I feel really uncomfortable with these behaviours.
This morning I called the wife for a chat, offering to put out their bins next week while they are on holiday. During our conversation I mentioned we were looking forward to a break in the same beautiful area, different hotel, next month. She asked who we had booked with.
30mins later she called back to ask if we had paid the extra £30 a night for a sea view room.
Now I am as nosy as the average person but if I had researched someone’s holiday I most certainly would not have announced the fact so overtly.
The husband is the same. We had an altercation with the council which only applied to our home. We were discussing it with our neighbours but happened to mention we couldn’t remember the exact date the driveway had been damaged. The husband said he would look up his diary for the previous year and let us know. ?
Am I being unreasonable in finding their interest in things that are in no way any of their business odd?
Clearly they think their interest is normal as they are so overt about it.
Am I weird or are they?

ElaineRI55 Fri 28-Aug-20 10:35:31

As long as they are otherwise friendly and helpful, I think it's maybe a bit odd but harmless. Can even come in handy if they can provide dates and times of odd incidents as you've found. Everyone is different and it may even be their jobs as social workers that have got them into the habit of noting everything down in case they have to refer back to it later.
Maybe you can just be a bit more vague/not share things you want to keep private. It's certainly better to have friendly (even if apparently slightly nosy) neighbours than unfriendly, complaining ones.

Starblaze Fri 28-Aug-20 10:43:03

I have a friend who would do both those. She would Google me the hotel so that she could share my excitement, not to be nosy and she would note down on her diaries things that are imported to me so she can send a text to wish me luck etc on the morning of a big event.

I've always quite liked it. Not sure if nosy or just interested. It can be strange but so many people aren't interested in others

Juicylucy Fri 28-Aug-20 10:45:34

Mmm see, I’m seeing this different than most people, I’m seeing it that they are being helpful. Obviously the holiday situation wasn’t of any help to you. I live in a cul de sac of 4 houses and during lockdown I was very hands on helping out, but I can see with some people this comes across as nosey. So I decided that not everyone’s like me and pulled back abit. You say you get on well with them, then maybe, just not share so much information. Shame to spoil and otherwise good neighbourly relationship, because we are all different.

Beanie654321 Fri 28-Aug-20 10:46:21

MI5 my foot more like Russian spies. I would get security cameras inside and outside home, change locks, ensure new locks on all windows, shred any thing that goes in bin, better still burn before it goes in bin. Record all conversations, check for bugs and ensure you are not followed when out. Just saying to be safe.

inishowen Fri 28-Aug-20 10:46:48

Whether we like it or not, we have a close relationship with our neighbours. I cant go out through my back door without the man next door appearing for a chat. Our back door faces theirs. We joke that he hides behind the fence ready to pop up. This summer he pulled all the foliage off our dividing fence so our privacy has gone. I've planted ivy on our side hoping it grows quickly. Don't get me wrong, they are nice people but they don't have boundaries regarding privacy.

icanhandthemback Fri 28-Aug-20 10:47:32

Some of the neighbour's behaviour is odd. If I was interested enough to look up where you were staying, I probably wouldn't be so open about it which suggests that they have no filter. The drive could be less ominous. It may be that one of them keeps a diary about the day's happenings and may write about what is going on around them.
We notice a lot about what is delivered to our neighbours because their delivery drivers park in front of our drive and we never know whether it is a delivery for us or them. However, within 24 hours it is gone from our minds. I'm not sure whether that is a good thing or not!

Theoddbird Fri 28-Aug-20 11:01:34

Everyone is different. Just accept differences. Wonder if she is on here reading this...hahahaha

DaisyL Fri 28-Aug-20 11:04:01

One of my friends is like this - she has her own family and quite a busy life, but she's always asking me about members of my family (who she has never met) or talking to me about people I know but she doesn't. It is a bit weird and she doesn't mean any harm by it and I find it a bit annoying but she has a heart of gold. Unfortunately she sometimes gets things wrong and says things like - I remember he used to drink too much' about a member of my family, for example, who actually had Parkinson's and didn't drink at all. I corrected her quite sharply on that one. She doesn't watch television or read much so I suppose other people's lives are her soap operas!

Purpledaffodil Fri 28-Aug-20 11:14:47

We are on very limited terms with our neighbours, just Hello when we come face to face. So it was a bit surprising when the wife flagged down my daughter as she was leaving, to ask if I was ill. Still not sure if I am looking grim or if she was hopeful? ?

sparklingsilver28 Fri 28-Aug-20 11:16:47

Want someone to know something? Tell the village, family, friendship gossip they will do it for you. Did this when having trouble with the local council on one occasion and it worked a treat!

Phloembundle Fri 28-Aug-20 11:18:21

My sister is the busybody. She constantly watches the neighbours and their comings and goings. I sometimes have to warn her of the possible damage to her neck from all that craning. Alas, I live with her!

ayokunmi1 Fri 28-Aug-20 11:28:04

Idle minds...I really dont think it's meant in a mean way.
You do invite them for a chat .Helpfulness can sometimes be seen as uselessness.
Just done share to much information with them.
Enjoy your break away, breathe taking scenery.

4allweknow Fri 28-Aug-20 11:32:39

Think many would Google your holiday hotel but maybe not mention it to you. They don't seem all that different from loads of people nowadays. It's the internet! Just mention anything to some people and they are Googling away. Perhaps the asking about the additional cost is off. Ex Social workers will be trying to find something controlling to fill there day.

grandtanteJE65 Fri 28-Aug-20 11:42:48

If the man keeps a diary, as opposed to merely recording appointments, then there is nothing odd about him knowing the exact date your driveway was damaged.

I would too.

However, you regard their behaviour as nosey to the point of offensiveness, so stop telling them things.

They will probably be hurt, as I am sure they feel they are taking a kindly, neighbourly interest and nothing more.

Kim19 Fri 28-Aug-20 11:50:58

Often people feed off others' lives because they have so little going on in their own. Sad really. I think this intrusive questioning would bring out the mischievous side in me and I would make the answers so woolly, vague and enticing that they would either give up or go daft with frustration.

Patticake123 Fri 28-Aug-20 11:52:13

This post reminded me of a former colleague. If you needed to remember the price of anything you had bought you asked him! When we sold our house and were about to move, it was reassuring to know he’d been around to view our new house! We bought a motor home and he went out of his way, quite literally to drive out to where we lived and have a good nosey. He wasn’t discriminatory, he’d knew the price of everyone’s homes, cars, washing machines etc. Once you got used to the fact that he was a true nosey Parker, it was actually quite amusing.

Nonnie Fri 28-Aug-20 12:05:34

We used to have someone on GN who said she kept notes about us all.

Lupin Fri 28-Aug-20 12:06:20

If they were otherwise pleasant and good neighbours I would just guard my tongue about my doings when speaking with them, and be vague when answering questions.
I have a neighbour who is incredibly nosey but otherwise kind hearted. His apartment is across the hall from mine. He notices everything - all the comings and goings, and seems to know everyone in the vicinity. He's not too intrusive and I find him amusing. He should have been a detective, but he's a chef. If he hasn't seen me about he rings and checks that I am alright. The nosiness and the way he gossips are balanced by charm and kindness.

Tweedle24 Fri 28-Aug-20 12:06:54

Could he have recorded the date of your drive repair in case he needed to move his car or anything?

Holiday is a bit much. That is the sort of thing I might expect a close friend to ask although, if they were that close, I would probably have already told them.

They sound harmless, just curious.

Yangste1007 Fri 28-Aug-20 12:12:05

18 months ago we moved house mainly to get away from the nosiest neighbours I have ever come across. We lived there for 25 years when we moved. They had been there 10 years. They were nosey and gossipy and still are. The man would 'pretend' to water the verge to have an excuse to be outside in the lane to accost passersby especially on a Sunday morning. If an ambulance went past he would be out in a flash to walk his dog. He used to eavesdrop out of sight on the other side of our hedge if we were in our garden. We didn't have a front and back garden, it was just the garden. We had a high window abutting their path and he would stand under it and listen to conversations in the house. There is loads that went on. My mother caught the woman peering in through our windows when we were away. They 'found' various items behind our garage, again when we were away and asked if they could have them as we had obviously thrown them out. The neighbours the other side had similar issues with them. They knew everyone's business in the village and didn't hesitate to spread it around whilst adding that of course they would never gossip. They were and still are hateful nosey individuals. What amazed me though was how they ingratiated themselves with people in the village by pretending to be ultra helpful. Putting out bins whilst people were away and checking for post etc. At one time they had about 6 sets of keys for various local residents. I'm so relieved to say that I never ever let them have a door key to our house although they tried very hard to get one. He was also one of those people who thought he was very popular and would greet people with a hug and kiss regardless of how well he knew them. They got to us in the end and we decided to move as we needed to downsize anyway. I've since learnt that he is a key holder for the new owner when they are away and yes, I feel guilty knowing what I know. I would not wish them on anyone.

Lancslass1 Fri 28-Aug-20 13:04:54

I just think they were trying to be helpful.
I don't think either of you is weird-just different.

JonesKpj000 Fri 28-Aug-20 13:17:50

We have a nosey neighbour who actually said to us when we moved in, that watch out for so and so, and so and so, because they are nosey!! Actually they weren't as bad as her!! She can tell you exactly who had deliveries and when, what was going on in their lives and sometimes her behaviour was very intrusive, not towards me but others. I just learnt to pull back. On the other hand, she will do anything for anyone. Best to just not tell them the things you wish to keep private, find it amusing and enjoy your day.

Maggiemaybe Fri 28-Aug-20 13:25:29

I’m the most unobservant person imaginable - I once walked past a burnt out car in the carpark where I worked and famously let myself in through the back door there without even noticing that somebody had spent half the night chiselling out bricks round the door to try to get in.

So I’m glad I’m married to a nosey neighbour someone who takes an interest in what’s going on and can let me know who’s who and what’s what on the street. I wouldn’t have a clue otherwise.

Jillybird Fri 28-Aug-20 13:27:26

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Maggiemaybe Fri 28-Aug-20 13:31:15

I forgot to add, I don’t think you’re weird and I don’t think they are. You’re just different. They’ve been very useful to you and you get on. If taking an interest in your holiday is the worst thing they’ve ever done, just thank your lucky stars you’ve got good neighbours.