Gransnet forums


“Curious” neighbour

(117 Posts)
Esspee Thu 27-Aug-20 13:11:09

I would like to know your opinions to see if perhaps I am being unreasonable.
We have neighbours we get on very well with but I feel really uncomfortable with these behaviours.
This morning I called the wife for a chat, offering to put out their bins next week while they are on holiday. During our conversation I mentioned we were looking forward to a break in the same beautiful area, different hotel, next month. She asked who we had booked with.
30mins later she called back to ask if we had paid the extra £30 a night for a sea view room.
Now I am as nosy as the average person but if I had researched someone’s holiday I most certainly would not have announced the fact so overtly.
The husband is the same. We had an altercation with the council which only applied to our home. We were discussing it with our neighbours but happened to mention we couldn’t remember the exact date the driveway had been damaged. The husband said he would look up his diary for the previous year and let us know. ?
Am I being unreasonable in finding their interest in things that are in no way any of their business odd?
Clearly they think their interest is normal as they are so overt about it.
Am I weird or are they?

Daisymae Fri 28-Aug-20 08:49:09

We're not shopping at the moment so having a lot of home deliveries. Our neighbors asked 'just WHAT do you buy?'

Davidhs Fri 28-Aug-20 09:02:33

Some neighbours are friends some aren’t I only share what may be sensitive with friends. So I keep on good terms with neighbours, it’s no different with work colleagues, some are friends some aren’t but that does not mean they are enemies.

Annethenan Fri 28-Aug-20 09:33:20

They have probably booked to go the same time as you!

Molli Fri 28-Aug-20 09:34:28

I think I would have said to the comment of the £30 for the sea view. 'Oh gosh not at all - special price all included - really good deal - hubby booked it!' or something like that. As for the drive. They may have seen your driveway get damaged and made a note of it just incase you needed them as a witness or to back you up in some way. We were discussing trees coming down with our neighbours the other day and they made a comment about one of theirs. We could tell them the exact day as we had taken a picture of it as it landed on our chicken house!! And we are certainly not nosey ?

sazz1 Fri 28-Aug-20 09:34:35

I always say hello to our neighbours and pass the time of day, take in parcels etc. But that's as far as it goes. I'm not over friendly as that way you keep your privacy which suits us.

Hetty58 Fri 28-Aug-20 09:34:40

We had an elderly lady here who, being housebound, habitually sat by her window and watched the street. Many neighbours commented on her 'nosiness'.

She called the police when she noticed a van backed onto a driveway opposite, with two young men taking quite some time to open the front door. A burglary was interrupted, they were arrested - and the comments changed with a true appreciation of her 'watchdog' service!

GrannyAnnie2010 Fri 28-Aug-20 09:37:46


No, it wouldn't bother me. Just the opposite. I find these kind of people quite amusing. They can come in handy sometimes.

I'm with Sharon103 on this one. There'll come a time when they are the only ones who can supply information for a claim or a crime, and they come in handy then.

Perhaps their opinion of you is to wonder why on earth you take so little interest (as they see it) in their affairs.

H1954 Fri 28-Aug-20 09:42:51

Ooh errr! How odd! I like to think we are observant in respect of security and safety i.e. milk on the doorstep all day, curtains closed etc etc but making notes of every single incident is a bit OTT.

haighsue Fri 28-Aug-20 09:43:23

I have a neighbour who questions everything I say Oh that can’t be true is her standard response.If my OH says exactly the same as I do her response is Oh how interesting. Pleasantries about the weather are as far as we get theses days!

mbody Fri 28-Aug-20 09:43:35

Stop telling them stuff!

Cabbie21 Fri 28-Aug-20 09:51:47

We smile and say hello to our neighbours but rarely chat. During lockdown they did shopping for us, just a top up as we had deliveries, and we chatted a bit when they brought the shopping. Since we started popping out again we have not seen them. They told us they were going on holiday and I would love to know how it worked out but there is no opportunity now.
I would hate to have nosey neighbours but a bit of care and concern and friendliness is good.

GrandmaMia1 Fri 28-Aug-20 09:55:22

Oh my! I think this is weird. I would now be monitoring my conversation with neighbour.

HiPpyChick57 Fri 28-Aug-20 09:55:25

Aha I’ve just realised what activity I can take up in three years time when I retire... the neighbourhood sleuth!

I’ll have plenty of time on my hands then.
I can sit on my patio watching all the comings and goings, to-ings and fro-ings of everyone.

I won’t jot it down in a note book though I’ll do it the modern way and record everything on my phone.

Won’t they all be thrilled when I tell them about all the shenanigans everyone gets up to!

On second thoughts, that should only take up all of 10 minutes of my day as I live in a cul de sac of 7 houses with hardly any action let alone shenanigans after everyone has left for work.

Still I’ve got three years to think of something else ?

DeeDum Fri 28-Aug-20 09:57:43

This is the reason we don't get over friendly with neighbours
Pass the time of day etc, and there for any emergencies of course ..but that's it, mind we only have two neighbours here and one a nice elderly lady, and the other couple both lawyers so they should know how to behave grin

sluttygran Fri 28-Aug-20 09:57:56

My friend is like this - he is keen to know everyone's details! He worked in finance for many years, so I suppose that might account for it.
I mentioned that DD and SIL were looking to move house in the next year, and immediately he launched into:
What's their mortgage commitment?
What's their budget?
What's their credit rating?
Have they made an offer?
What Council Tax band will they be in?
My answer was:
And dont be so bl**dy nosy!
In fairness, he is very knowledgeable about such matters, and always willing to help, but I do find him very intrusive!

Wendygh Fri 28-Aug-20 10:04:40

A nosy artist request!! Those pictures you posted are an artist’s dream. I would like to save the images so I can paint them. Can you tell me where they were taken. Promise I won’t follow you there!!!

jaylucy Fri 28-Aug-20 10:05:27

We used to have neighbours that to some extent were like that.
Every time s car came into our close, at least one of their kids were out in their front garden (their living room faced away from the road), like a load of meerkats! They watched to see where the people in the cars were going. before returning back to report to the parents.
What used to bug me was that even if you hadn't seen any of their family out of their house (and even when they were all out) , they always seemed to know if you had any visitors, who they were and on one day, even why they were there (not a special occasion) and even the conversations we had had inside the house! We certainly didn't even need Neighbourhood watch, or even CCTV while they lived there!
All I can think is that your neighbours have too much time on their hands! Next time , feed them some fake info and let them get on with it- could be quite amusing!

Tibbs Fri 28-Aug-20 10:08:20

You will find nosey neighbours everywhere. A work colleague had a nosy neighbour they named MI5 & an uncle had one opposite they called “Mrs sweep the front off” as she always came out to sweep the pavement if she wanted to see what was going on.

vegansrock Fri 28-Aug-20 10:08:58

We live on a small private estate of 20 houses. We have a residents association which manages the communal gardens so we have to get to know everyone as we pay maintenance fees etc. My OH is chair of the committee and is a terrible one for chatting to all and sundry - he will know where everyone works, what university they went to, the schools their kids go to, where their parents lived etc etc I guess people won’t share this information unless they want to but it actually has come in useful from time to time. We have the keys of just about every neighbour for emergencies and we have had to rescue quite a few! I don’t think he’d go and look up their holiday accommodation, though he does seem to know who’s away and where they’ve gone !

JaneA Fri 28-Aug-20 10:11:43

I had a friend like this once. When we first met he took himself off to Somerset House and looked up my details. I thought this very peculiar at the time. Now I keep my distance.

olliebeak Fri 28-Aug-20 10:18:05


I’m Scottish Callistemon.?

I was just going to leave that answer there but for those who won’t understand.....Scots people are careful with money. They are also very generous so please do not equate carefulness with meanness.
I wouldn’t mind a small supplement for a sea view room but £30 a night? No way.
We are not going away to stay in a hotel bedroom. Regardless of the weather we will be out walking on the white sand rather than viewing it from our bedroom.

Ooooh Esspee - you've just posted a photo of my very favourite place in Scotland! We swam and picnicked there as a family with mum and dad in 1966. I took mum back there for a visit in 2007 before she passed away ........................ and I've since taken my kids and grandkids there. Silver Sands at the mouth of River Morar - absolute Heaven!

Nonnie Fri 28-Aug-20 10:19:55

I don't think it would bother me overmuch but I never discuss really important issues with neighbours. When we moved here everyone knew who we were but there was a good reason for it so it hasn't bothered us.

Over the years we have realised some people are simply like that. In the days of babysitting circles a friend told me that she came home to be told "nothing good on TV so I tidied your sideboard". She was furious, tax info in there. We went on holiday and a friend came in to pick up post and check the house. We returned to find all the post 'sorted' which I thought was intrusive.

When we go away we assume the neighbours won't be nosy when they check the house but it they are then they are, don't really care.

polnan Fri 28-Aug-20 10:20:25

I agree with Sharon , back a page,
I am interested in people, more so since I am now on my own.

but not to that degree I hasten to add... I love to hear about people`s lives, as much as they wish to share..

but no, this is a shade too far,,, I do have better things to do!

vampirequeen Fri 28-Aug-20 10:24:17

Strange, tactless but harmless. They came in useful when you needed that date. At least you don't have the mad tree woman like we do. She not only sees everything but complains to the council or abuses people at every opportunity.

Buffy Fri 28-Aug-20 10:29:59

They sound like sad, lonely people. It’s horrible to have to be guarded and watch every word you say. You live and learn.