Do you ever get over empty nest?

Having just read all these posts, it made me think what lucky children ?. They have obviously had so much love poured into them by you their parents.
As others have said it's our job as mothers to make our children independent and we do need to remember to congratulate ourselves when we do that. But I agree it leaves a huge hole in your life when your children leave home. I am lucky that my adult children live nearby and we have a great relationship seeing them lots. I'm just going through empty nest syndrome part two with my grandson having just started school! ? I have been very involved with his care and I am now really missing looking after him in the day whilst he's at school. I think you just have to make yourself become a bit selfish and do things you want to do for yourself rather than for or with other people all the time. As someone else wrote I am missing the manic of family and working life but retirement and aslqer pace of life with just my husband and me at home is slowly becoming more enjoyable for me.

I did some online mindfulness courses during lockdown and that has helped me really live in the moment and enjoy simple things around me and appreciate what I have and helped make me feel happier. I recommend giving it a try.
Keep on being the great mums you are but from a distance ?? and keep posting here as Reading that others feel like you is a great comfort

When my son - my youngest and the last to leave - moved out, I was upset but tried hard to hide it. I felt bereft for weeks, and one day took myself off to a local shopping area . While there, having felt sorry for myself all the way in the car, I saw two young men who would never leave home. One must have had cerebral palsey and was in a wheelchair - we kept coming across each other around the shops, and smiled and talked, but the strain was evident on the faces of his older parents. I stopped for a coffee and at the next table a young man with a savage scar right across his bald head was being fed cake by his mother. I drove home and didn't feel sorry for myself; my children had struck out confidently and begun adult lives. Lucky them, lucky me.

My DDs let me off gently. They'd move out, then one would fall out with a boyfriend and move back in for a while, then the other decided she had to move back in. Then one moved out again and so it went on, until I called DD2 yo-yo!! Now they both have their own houses so are settled.

When my sons left it was worse - they both moved back to the South of England for work opportunities, one moving to work with my ex husband and one to live with him!
I only got over it by filling my life with other things, U3A being an absolute godsend - with all it's clubs and activities.
In the present climate, it is more difficult, but look up your local U3A online, and join when they are properly up and running again.

You do get over it!

Just think of all the good things:

No one is nicking DH's razor blades, my underwear, eating the last of something and not leaving a note, or leaving a RED sock in the washing-machine so the next load of bed linen comes out PINK!

These are the things that keep me going when I miss the weans.

Oh, and hearing our son tell his son all the things we never thought he heard when we said them. DH nearly wet himself trying not to laugh!

Empty nest seems to have passed me by.
I redecorated, cleared all the rubbish out of her room, and quite enjoyed looking at it all neat and tidy.

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Count your blessings that you still have your children, whether at home or away!

They 'boomeranged' for several years, but finally both found careers in the south. I was leading a fulfilling life and enjoying my own choice of holidays as well as visiting my growing families in their growing homes. Now it could be that the tables are turning as they are suggesting that I move nearer to them. 'The child is father of the (wo)man' as Wordsworth almost said.

Candy6, I can honestly say I've never had the 'empty nest' feeling. Over the years, the house has been home to four children, their friends, partners and a grandson - a home for eight for quite some time.

They gradually left, some returned a few times, bringing families, then for the last few years, it's just me, the dog and cat. Each change has brought different opportunities for me to get stuck into my own hobbies and interests. I don't miss the way things were back then - too busy enjoying today!

I thought I was prepared for when my last son left for uni, but I have to say it felt like a bereavement, even though just thinking that made me feel awful - nothing can compare with a bereavement. But I was lost.
It did take two years till I really felt ok, and I didn't just wake up one morning thinking yes! that's all over, it was gradual.
During that time I found comfort gardening.
And when the first grandchild came along life was really good again.

You and me both MissA and counting the money I've saved

My mum cried and said "Oh! You're a hard-faced cow."

As I have posted before on this subject I must be an uncaring mother as was not upset when either of my children left home. I saw it as a success that they were going out into the world to do their thing equipped with the necessary skills required and I could become something other that "mum" again ?

You are so right Marketkat and I feel for you. Us who have children and grandchildren abroad often feel hard done by, but I've always realised that there are a lot of people like yourself, far worse off. I can only send you a big hug.

I got over it fairly quickly.
Glad to have the space back and no more mess to clear up.

My DS moved out gradually by staying with his gf at weekends until I noticed that the weekends were only separated by Wednesday. He came back once when he was between gfs, stayed for a month and then bought his own house and moved into that. My DD, well, that was so hard. I wanted to encourage and support her independence, but when she walked down the front path with her suitcase I was silently screaming “Nooo, don’t go! Come back!” But go she did and has never looked back. Neither of them have, really and we have lovely, loving relationships with them and my SiL and DiL. If you love them, let them go

A mother bird has her chicks, raises them and lets them fledge satisfied she has done a good job. That is how I felt, my DS and DD were prepared for their future life and I had a great feeling of satisfaction, a job well done, when theyleft home to live their own lives.

I had similar comments MissA

That's exactly right hicaz46

The current success and happiness my children are reaping in the big wide world is my daily compensation whilst sitting at home alone but having regular contact with them.

I never even considered it to be an empty nest when our daughter left aged 23 to a home her and her partner bought, I was however extremely proud of the hardworking, kind and considerate young lady she had become, job done!

I felt as if I had died 20 years ago when my son left home. My daughter left a year later to go to uni and I didn't want to go on. But my son is in contact regularly, we visit regularly - about 4 times a year - so it's not so bad. My daughter is near me again with my grandchildren. So I can say that I am happier now than I was when they both left. This may well happen to you, Many people who move away come back again. Grandchildren may come along too and, believe me, they can be a joy.

We've never had an empty nest ,not until lockdown.We always had at least one child or GC here for 2 or 3 nights a week .My son left at 20 and was back at 21 with a one year old ,he left after 9 years to live with a new partner but we kept his daughter with us until she was happy to leave .It took the arrival of a new baby sister to move her out .Its lovely to see them settled as a wee family but she still spent the odd night with us and we still collected her from school and fed her.Until March .It has been lovely being just the two of us for the first time in 46 years .I see or hear from both my kids daily and my GC all msg me online

I picked up my own life after my youngest left home,I had so much I wanted to do and knowing my 2 dds were on there own journey in life it gave me reassurance to get on with my life. Once a mum always a mum but I don’t live my life threw my dds.

Kerenhappuch

No, it's not just you. It's taken me many years to adjust to not being 'Mum', some of my best conversations with my sons took place when I was driving 'Mum's taxi' and I still miss knowing the details of what's going on in their lives!

Allow yourself to grieve - when my younger son was just about to go off to university, I used to walk mournfully round the supermarket thinking of all the things I wouldn't need to buy once he had left. He was also very ill as a child, I do think that makes it hard for us, and maybe all the more necessary for the grown-up child to prove to themselves that they can live without us.

Of course, both sons have been back many times, and it's always lovely.

Oh I so agree about the mums taxi times. Because I’m a night owl I was always the one that did the late night/early hours of the morning pick up. Sometimes just my kids but sometimes other people’s, too. I still remember my son saying to me one night/morning ‘you’re driving very well tonight mum’ before he nodded off. Also the music we used to play. Dido springs to mind. With my daughter it was more Levellers or Nirvana. It actually makes me hurt inside to think of it. Bitter sweet memories. Where did the time go?