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This is not ok

(33 Posts)
Dollypollylolly Wed 30-Sep-20 16:05:40

I’m weirded out by this

Ex friend

As my daughter was abused by her son 20 years ago and she tried to add me on Facebook. With hello old mate Recently.

What mind set does she have that she thinks this is ok to do ffs.

I severed ties all those years ago for my daughter. She was only 5 at the time. He was 14.

To further our disgust she tried to add my daughter also

Who the fuck does that who?

We’re both disgusted by this.

phoenix Wed 30-Sep-20 16:12:49

I can understand your feelings, but swearing might get your post blocked/banned/deleted, just advising.

Charleygirl5 Wed 30-Sep-20 16:15:01

I agree with phoenix it is not the way to go.

merlotgran Wed 30-Sep-20 16:15:46

Try Mumsnet. They're allowed to swear like troopers over there.

Charleygirl5 Wed 30-Sep-20 16:17:10

merlotgran I learn something every day.

Sparklefizz Wed 30-Sep-20 16:19:29

Dollypollylolly I am so sorry and can understand your pain. flowers for you and your daughter.

Davidhs Wed 30-Sep-20 16:29:18

Someone who is very desperate herself , having estranged herself from most of her friends.

Chewbacca Wed 30-Sep-20 16:32:38

I can't make head nor tail of this, sorry.....

EllanVannin Wed 30-Sep-20 16:34:20

They're all out today grin

Dollypollylolly Wed 30-Sep-20 16:37:25

Seriously that’s what you’ve taken from my post my swearing

phoenix Wed 30-Sep-20 16:41:52

No, Dollypollylolly not at all, and I completely agree that the Facebook post was unacceptable.

I truly was just trying to point out that some people on here might find the language unacceptable.

phoenix Wed 30-Sep-20 16:44:57

Dollypollylolly perhaps she is trying to heal things a bit, it was her son that abused your daughter, which is dreadful, but it wasn't her.

Did she contact you at the time and say how sorry she was that it happened?

Dollypollylolly Wed 30-Sep-20 16:59:22

No she didn’t apologise nowt like that.

Just hello old mate. Like it’s been eons let’s be friends again. Eh no?

I had a wee look on her FB page and she’s got her son listed as a friend. So I’d assume they are in touch still.

mumofmadboys Wed 30-Sep-20 16:59:41

I agree with Phoenix. Your ex friend did nothing wrong. It was her son. It wasnt the friend's fault. Perhaps she is sad and upset over the whole thing and wants to bring some forgiveness and resolution to the situation. Only you can decide whether to respond to her.I am so sorry your DD was abused.

mumofmadboys Wed 30-Sep-20 17:01:10

I would hope a mum would never abandon her son for a crime he did in his youth. Love the person, hate the crime.

Summerlove Wed 30-Sep-20 17:05:34


I would hope a mum would never abandon her son for a crime he did in his youth. Love the person, hate the crime.

He abused a child

It’s not a “crime of youth”. It’s abuse.

OP, just block and delete her. No need to say anything to her.

lemsip Wed 30-Sep-20 17:08:07

just block her! no need for foul language!

phoenix Wed 30-Sep-20 17:10:16

Oh, it is a difficult one, Dollypollylolly, although the friend requests that I have had on Facebook don't have a message attached, they are just literally an email saying that so and so has sent you a friend request? Perhaps you have different settings?

So, how about accepting, which (as I understand it) would mean that you could contact her via Messenger and have a private conversation?

phoenix Wed 30-Sep-20 17:12:26


just block her! no need for foul language!

Erm, Lemsip the friend request (as I understand it) didn't involve foul language?

BlueBelle Wed 30-Sep-20 17:14:23

We don’t know this story and we can’t be helpful Summerlove there is absolute nothing in the original post that can give the true picture and anger on here won’t help
I didn’t even know there was such a word as ‘weirded out‘

dollywollypolly delete the lady from Fb and don’t look at her page that ll just get you going again Presumably the police were involved and hopefully the boy has not been near your daughter since

mumofmadboys Wed 30-Sep-20 17:15:38

So Summerlove are you saying if your 14 year old son abused a child you would have nothing more to do with him?

Summerlove Wed 30-Sep-20 17:22:00

No, I’m saying that it’s not a crime of childhood.

You get your 14 year old help. You don’t just ignore it. If you do get them help and move on, you don’t try to keep in touch with those who have been hurt without their permission. Especially where it seems there has been no apology. Especially not many years later!

I would also expect to lose friends if my child abused their child.

Bluebelle, the OP says her child was abused. She then cut out her friend. That’s what I responded to with “block and delete”.

There was no anger. I’m not sure where you got that? Unless you think not staying friends with someone whose teenager is being angry?

Fuchsiarose Wed 30-Sep-20 17:25:22

Dear polly dolly lolly. I would be furious. Some people can be forgiven but not rehabilitated. If it was me I would discreetly block this person. It opens the door to yr DD memories being resurfaced, if she is aware who this woman is or was. The old friend in question may well have memory loss and forgotten the incident, although, I doubt your D has

phoenix Wed 30-Sep-20 17:32:46

Must confess to be a bit confused here. I can't look at people's Facebook pages, unless I'm "connected" to them, i.e. have agreed to be "friends" on Facebook.

And as mentioned upstream, when I do get friend requests, there is no message attached, so perhaps when the OP said she got one with "hello old mate" she might have different settings?

If so, I'd love to know what they are, as I get requests from people who if they attached a message I might have more of an idea wether to accept them or not!

kittylester Wed 30-Sep-20 17:33:22

pollydollylolly I haven't seen you post before so, if you are new, welcome.