AIBU??

Wiggys I’m afraid I think you need to get the knickers aired and ready! Hopefully next year is going to be soo much better. Chin up!

Let young families sort themselves out, enjoy your own Christmas with your husband (presuming you have one) and let your children do their own thing with their families
You ve had your time let them start their own traditions without charging all over the country for 14 hours

Anyway it’s not your turn it’s the in laws turn

I'm with BlueBelle on this one, its just a couple of days and who knows what will happen between now and December. I can understand your being disappointed wiggy as its your birthday as well. It's also a lot of travelling for everyone.
I rarely see my family at Christmas and like you have the odd twinge of disappointment when they tell me what they are up to, but I'm glad they are happy and enjoying themselves.
Treat yourself to some nice new big girl pants and plan another time to meet up with your family.

I agree janeainsworth, such a long journey in the depths of winter.
Everyone is in the same boat, my family are abroad, haven't seen my sister since last October and DD since Christmas. I have lost two close family members and was unable to attend the funerals.
We usually host Christmas and normally would be all booked up by now but I am making no plans this year.

Subjecting anyone to a 3-hour car journey one day and an 11-hour car journey the next, presumably followed by the same thing in reverse a few days later, in the depths of winter, seems completely unreasonable to me.
I too don’t understand why such a fuss is made about Christmas. We have all had to make sacrifices this year and to use a not very pleasant expression, we just have to suck it up, don’t we.

Is your grandchild young? The last thing I would have wanted when my children were young was a three hour drive at Christmas, sorry but that just sounds awful to me. I wouldn't do that whosever turn it was, sorry.

But you did day it was the IL's turn, so I don't see why you feel put out - it isn't your turn. Christmas 'get togethers' could be banned any way, so it isn't worth worrying about yet. If the rule of 6 still stands, I have already said that I don't mind if my son and GC visit the IL's rather than us (we normally all get together either at the IL"s or our house). It's not worth getting upset about. Couldn't you visit your GC for New Year?

I can’t believe all the angst that people go through for two days
What about us grans with families overseas I ve only had two Christmas s in 24 years with my son/ wife and family in NZ and probably the same with my daughter in Europe and I m still alive and kicking and still love them all just the same

3. She says this is the IL's turn - you just need to pull up my big girls knickers and carry on.....I hope you’ve got fresh knickers on Hithere if you’re lending them out

Lucca

We either visit my parents or stay home for Christmas. We've never seen Hubby's parents over Christmas because they live in the UK and we are in Canada. The expense of travelling at the holidays makes visiting for Christmas a difficult proposition.

When I was growing up, we usually saw Mum's parents for Christmas (2 hour drive), and Dad's parents (6 hour drive and the weather is poor in winter) for Easter.

I feel,so sorry for these couples who have to do a strict rota of parents one year in laws the next. Such a song and dance about some presents and a big meal.

It is frustrating times we live in.

I am all for flexibility and compromise, so it is a win win for everybody.

I hope you will see them soon.

Doodledog, thanks for the response. It's also my birthday on Christmas Day. Yes, I am normally the voice of reason and tell myself it's only fair as daughter and co., came to us last Christmas etc, but I just can't help feeling they could be a bit flexible. Hithere, regarding the travelling one daughter lives three hours north of us and the other is 11 hours south, hence the thought she comes to us, stays o/night and then we leave early am the next day for the big drive. Yes I know it's jealousy and that's not nice. Sometimes I just get fed up of being the voice of reason, being stoic, being the one that says' that's fine we'll do what you want' Just once I'd love to stamp my feet and have a tantrum!! I think today is just a bit of a bad day, but it has been good to vent. so thank you for listening.

I have some questions

1. Why add 3 hours each way to trip? 11 hours is already a lot, no need to add 3 more.

2. The location of the family reunion does not seem very convenient

3. She says this is the IL's turn - you just need to pull up my big girls knickers and carry on
Comparing the time your ILs see your dd and her child vs yours wont get you anywhere- jealousy

4. You say your dd had a bad year - do you think this suggestion is going to make her life harder or easier, independently of your wishes to see them and the picture perfect Christmas family reunion?

5. Planning what is going to happen in 2 months is futile - flu season and pandemic will need very drastic measures to see improvements.
Most probably this trip may not happen anyway the way things look like right now.

I don't think you are being unreasonable, but maybe you are a bit jealous . I am saying this with sympathy, as my son and his family are spending Christmas with his in-laws, and he sees far more of them then they do of us (for reasons of distance).

Part of me completely understands. They don't want to be driving (if they are able to do so because of lockdown) for hours at Christmas, and DIL wants to see her parents. Another part of me wants to sulk, and point out that the in-laws live a ten minute drive away, and they see them more than once a week. Coming to us for Christmas would be a lovely compromise, and it's my birthday on Boxing Day, so I'm likely to miss seeing them then, too.

I am forcing myself to bat away the sulky voice and listen to the more reasonable one. In any case, things might mean that visiting is impossible this year, so no point in worrying about it now.

I hope you have a lovely Christmas, and that you can see your daughters soon afterwards. You will gather brownie points if you are understanding about it - it can be quite tiring for children to be travelling about over Christmas, and little ones just want to be at home when Santa has been.