Mum taken into hospital

In the case of high BP it is really hard for a hospital to cope with adjusting medication. There is a condition known as "white coat syndrome" which means BP goes up when medical personnel are involved. The hospital probably hoped that if she went home her BP would drop. Your mother obviously has a problem Katyj but her GP is the best person to deal with it. Ask for a visit and a 24 hour BP assessment. As she lives alone she would benefit from an alarm system, most local authorities have these schemes.
I wouldn't recommend anyone stayed in hospital unless it is absolutely necessary. My mother spent 3 months in a rehab ward which was filled with elderly orthapaedic patients, she was well cared for but it isn't somewhere I would want to be. Your mother has problems but a hospital ward may not be the best place for her.
There may be a falls clinic at your local hospital which could give her help and support, but not sure what is happening with Covid.
Sadly I think that this may be the future for her, a series of falls and incidents where she may be taken to hospital and possibly admitted. It is something many of us have had to deal with and unfortunately there is no ideal solution.

nipsmum

Don't let the hospital bully you into taking her home. She is the medical professionals problem not yours. Incidentally don't believe people when they tell you hospitals are hotbeds of Covid infection. They are not.

I beg to differ. Well I won't beg, I shall just differ

My son and niece were working in NHS hospitals at the time of the initial outbreak. Wards filled with covid patients . Many of the staff themselves contracted the virus, my niece included, but luckily they mostly had minor symptoms.

We lost a sister in law to Covid and a father of one of my son's friends. Both were in hospital with other issues. Nothing life threatening. One was there recuperating from a knee infection. He was 58 and he died.

Why do you think we were being asked to stay away from A&E?

The issue at present is nowhere near as bad but please, don't be saying hospitals are safe.

They can't possibly be.

I am a pharmacy technician and work for a service that visits , usually elderly, to assess how they take their medicines. So my question would be, if her Bp is high, does she actually take The medication that is prescribed. One way to check is to count the meds and ensure the correct amount has been taken since your last count. You can get carers to administer meds but they will probably need a Medication Administration Record chart (MAR) these are provided by the pharmacy that dispenses her medication. I would not encourage an increase in medication until you are sure she is compliant with her current meds.

Katyj, I don't think you were unreasonable, you need to have a consultation with the hospital about future care needs, they do have social workers who can help with discharges. Also, ask if your mum could go into rehab or a temporary nursing home for assessment and to assess her future needs. My local hospital have taken over a new care home ( empty when lockdown started) for elderly patients to go for just three weeks for such care rather than stay in hospital.

I had to do the same when my mum went into hospital at the end of March after a fall, she has Alzheimer's and we knew she could no longer live alone. We refused to continue caring for her, which was awful, but luckily the consultants agreed with us so they moved her to a different ward which was apart from the main hospital until they found a care home for her.

You might need power of attorney in order for the doctors to discuss your mums medical needs with you unless your mum gives them permission, we were asked several times for copies of the LPA.

katyj Your mother should be assessed by Occupational Health before she is released. The hospital staff must make a care plan for her, which might include aids for living at home such as a walker, or grab rails near the toilet or shower, and other things. She may need a carer to pop in a couple of times a day. Whatever you do, do not accept the care of your mother. It could be a long road, and getting help later could be very difficult. Keep your help to the periphery, getting her shopping or taking her to medical appointments.

craftyone The care of an elderly person, who may yet live for years, by another mature adult is a very different scenario to a young mother looking after her baby. Remember that please when you give out advice that could put the poster into a very difficult position, possibly some years down the line. Plus, you are assuming the original poster is actually fit to look after an elderly person, she may not be.

Saggi

Time for someone to have a stern word with your hubby before you completely burn out and he has no one!

Call Adult Social Services and ask for a Needs and Carer's Assessment for yo both - don't let him refuse, just book it! If he refuses when they turn up, it's time to let him sort himself out - it's your life too!!

Actually it is ABUSE!

KatyJ it is the hospital's job to get her on those BP medications and see if they have the desired effect, do not let them discharge her until they have done that - she could have been taking them this weekend when nothing else happens anyway, it's them that are wasting time and trying to save money! They could have the opposite effect and make her fall because they send it too low - then you could potentially have a fractured neck of femur after a fall instead of a stroke!! Then what - in hospital for months? Someone from SS should be out assessing her first, the Falls Clinic should be involved too - in my opinion the hospitals are being neglectful in trying to ship out the elderly as soon as possible - in the long term it is likely to cost them even more money and a longer stay in a hospital bed!

At least the doctor phoned you.
A few weeks ago a dear friend went by ambulance to hospital (it's 30 miles to the hospital) where they said she'd had a TIA and discharged her at 11 pm. She didn't have her mobile with her, she didn't like to phone her DD or a friend at that time of night and she had to get a taxi home. Of course, her DD would have fetched her as would several friends but she 'didn't want to be a nuisance'.

Katyj you were right not to offer care until your mother has her Blood Pressure stabilised and is returned to her own home when you state you will employ extra care.

I have just had the hospital do the same to me. My husband went in following a fall in which he hurt his back. They checked he hadn't broken anything and were going to send him back in a few days time. As my knees are knackered I knew I could not give him room service upstairs so asked my son to put one of the twin spare bads in my husbands study on the ground floor. I had a urine bottle I had bought incase I was caught short when out shopping and a commode which my mother used. Got all these assembled. When suddenly late on Friday night hospital phoned saying they were bringing him back. He had had 2 nights in hospital, he was escorted from our house on gas and air and returned having had an oral dose of morphine! The pain killers the GP had given him were replace with something useless that it later became he was allergic to. Monday I rang the same agency that we had for my mother and by the next week we had a care package in. He phoned the GP's surgery for the renewal of his original medication which was delivered Thursday, and they sent me out to buy some medicine for his bowels. I ordered spare sheets and mattress cover on Amazon. No one asked what my care needs were. Lucky I have run a residential home and looked after my mother in our house. Husband is still recuperating but can now drive and go swimming.

Polnan, I am sorry, I can empathise as I am feeling the same at the moment - stuck at home alone with my 2 dogs which are potentially going to have to be rehomed as I cannot afford them, then what have I got to live for? I took a drawdown on my pension (which I thought was my savings - apparently not?) which has kept me afloat for the last 5 years - it now appears that as the Govt says I need £74.35 to live on - they want the excess money back (My mortgage is £80 a week), but if I didn't have my roof over my head, it would cost the Council 3 x that amount to house me here. How can people live on £74.35 a week??? My bank has begun returning Direct Debits now and I just do not know what to do

Katej Regrettably this seems to be the norm and has been for a few years. Hospitals and GPs all too willing to off-load responsibility to families. Where care at home is possible and has the full support of caring GP willing to attend and assist families in the role is one thing. But more and more unwilling to provide the support. In this case hospital the best place.

In the past GP surgery's have provided nurses to attend long term patient care as mine did for my late M and H. But to expect families to know when an elderly person, needs urgent attention to survive is just not on, and more to the point unacceptable.

maddyone I'm not sure Occupational Health exists any more. My mother worked for them for many years as a technical assistant to an occupational therapist. She did assessments for elderly patients, measuring homes for equipment and did 'kitchens'- they had to be able to make tea and toast for their breakfasts. When she was in hospital 2 years ago it was the physiotherapists who came out to measure her flat. The days when people in hospital were given things to do-my mother taught all sorts of skills to patients, have also gone.

I have a number of health issues (TypeI Diabetes and connected conditions), Arthritis, Osteopena etc) and some months ago I fell out of bed and couldn't shift. I was sure it was a stroke, was rushed into hospital. But they eventually decided that it was low BP - It was scary, even though my BP has always been on the low side of normal. So bear with people's fears, which can be worse than the actual facts.

When she suggested that you shouldn’t care for her did this mean long-term-care? Can she go back to her own home and you go round there regularly to make sure she’s okay. She will need somebody to look after her if she’s had an accident.

trisher
That’s actually very interesting because I know I live in a different part of the country than you do, and at my local hospital Occuptional Health, Physiotherapy, and Hand Therapy (I am currently under Hand Therapy myself due to surgery to my hand in January) are all provided for, indeed using a separate building adjacent to the main hospital. Also in Cheshire Occupational Health were still active some 4/5 years ago when my Dad needed them shortly before he died, although I have to add that they were useless to be honest, and we ended up creating our own care package. Having said that they did fit grab rails in my parents house. My mother and father in law, both 93, have both suffered rather serious falls this year, and live in the same area. They’ve both been given rather good care packages, arranged by, I’m not sure. My husband’s brothers still live up there and have overseen everything. I do know that at one point, my husband’s brother had to refuse to allow my mother in law to go home, because the hospital was trying to discharge her without a care package (she had suffered a broken collar bone, wrist, and knee cap.) Eventually a care package was sorted out.
What I’m curious about trisher is whether different authorities have perhaps disbanded Occupational Therapy, and if so, have they amalgamated it into another department? Surely every area must provide Care Packages where required.

Trisher - In the case of high BP it is really hard for a hospital to cope with adjusting medication. There is a condition known as "white coat syndrome" which means BP goes up when medical personnel are involved. The hospital probably hoped that if she went home her BP would drop.

I have lived with HBP for many years and first diagnosed in my early 40s. You are correct about "white coat syndrome" , and some medical staff all too eager to use it when unable or unwilling to understand why medication fails to lower HBP.

In my case, and I am now 82, my original GP being told by local NHS Trust to put all HBP patients on a particular drug to save money. I had allergic reacts because most were generic and the fillers the problem. Spoke to a family pharmacist who suggested my GP try long established effective drugs those around for at least 20 years. This is how I discovered the interference of the local NHS Trust, and its concern for the budget rather than the patient.

I would conclude, if medical staff have no understanding of the individuality of patients then they have no business in the medical profession. What suits one patient may be totally unsuitable for another.

Since this happened at a time when professionally engaged with a prominent medical school, and not your average patient, the "white coat syndrome" laughable.

My husband is in orthopaedic Ward at present with a broken arm as a result of a fall. He has underlying health conditions.He is tested for Covid every fourth day. I am presuming the staff are also.I think hospital is the best place for your mum at the moment until her BP comes down.

maddyone that's so interesting. I was surprised when the physio team came out to measure the flat and assess it. I knew how it had worked where mum used to live.In hospital she had a social worker(lovely man) who was responsible for finding the care she needed, but I never saw an occupational therapist all the time she was there, I just assumed they had gone. It seems that provision differs across the country-so much for a 'National' health service.

To be honest if it was my Mum I would have had her home and relied on the community team to sort out her issues. I wouldn’t want anybody in my family in hospital at the moment unless it was a critical issue, the risk of catching Covid is much higher in care settings than at home. Not because staff aren’t careful, but because it’s extremely contagious - they can’t guarantee there won’t be cross infection unfortunately.

Elderly people are now expected to look after even older people. I care for my Mother who is 95 and lives with us. As someone earlier said, unless you have done it you can't possibly know what it's like. My DH and I are in our 70s but my mother doesn't seem to comprehend this. I have arranged for 3 carers per day now to take the pressure off us. My mother is paying and it's costing a fortune but as long as she can afford it this will continue because I just cannot be a carer at my age. But it's still 3 strangers coming into our home and kitchen on a daily basis which we're not happy about considering the virus. Our home is not our own and we cannot relax. Often, when we are out in the car, we stay out longer as neither of us wants to go home. Something needs to be done about this situation that so many of us are in because it takes a toll on our own health. It is like looking after a small child and I cannot bear being asked where I have been or told that I am late back when I go out. As someone else said, I am actually very resentful. Then I feel guilty. People in my situation just can't win. If I put my mother in a home everyone will judge me including her most of all. So I think to myself how long will this go on? Will I be in my 80s before I am free?

It really is so difficult sometimes - someone you have loved your whole life and who has loved and looked after you does not always make you either capable or able to look after them full time during old age/illness. I hope things get sorted out and wish you both well x

Once you take an elderly relative into your home, SS assume everything has been sorted and can be slow in sorting things out. I think the OP was right to leave her mother there, some people seem to be intent on guilt tripping her

More people should exercise their right to refuse to take on care in this situation OP well done

For anyone who is under the impression that there is a “community team” waiting to spring into action with help for the elderly, think again.

Local councils have been hard pressed these last couple of years and funding for community services is severely depleted. It’s even difficult to get an adult social worker to visit to assess nowadays.

Thank you everyone, so many similar stories to my own. The hospital have just been in touch to say, she has to stay in her bp was very high through the night, they’ve tried a new drug, but then her bp fell two low. She needs more tests and can’t come home until she’s stable as she is at risk of falling. Thank goodness she went into hospital we couldn’t have managed this at home.
It’s awful not being able to visit but just hoping she stabilisers soon. I’ve spoken to her carers they have agreed to visit twice a day for now, then we’ll see how we go. Thanks again Gransnetters it’s good to share experiences ,it certainly is a minefield .

From your original post I gathered that your mum herself suggested that you refuse to care for her, so she stays in hospital a little longer.

It sounds as if there is quite a risk of her having a stroke, as they are doing d--n all about her blood pressure.

So no, you are not being unreasonable. Phone the consultant tomorrow, Monday, and ask to discuss your mother's current situation, or even better ask for an appointment to discuss with him what needs to be done.

If he says, he can't discuss it with you and only with your mum, which he probably will, ask your mother to write you a letter authorising you to talk to him.