30 years of being cheated on. Should I give up?

Juneb, you say you don’t want to walk away, but haven’t given one single reason for wanting to stay. It’s time to put yourself first.

If you don’t want to be told to walk away, I’m not sure what else there is. Thirty years is a long time. He won’t change now, you’ve made it too comfortable for him. My advice would be ‘ to walk away’ while there’s still time. Forget counselling, it’s too late. I would recommend it on your own too, as GrandmaMoira says, but not to benefit you two, but to hopefully benefit you in any other relationship you make. I wish you all the best.

The man is abusive, not autistic. Please see a counsellor on your own, read Lundy Bancroft's book (free online) and go to a solicitor.
Your children must know what he's like. You would be happier on your own without worrying what horrible thing he will do next.

Time to stop prioritising your husband Juneb and start thinking about yourself. It's immaterial whether or not he has any mental health issues, you don't deserve to go through this any longer. There comes a point when you have done all you can to save the relationship, he clearly doesn't care. Talk to your children, they are adults now and don't need to be protected at your expense. Woodmouse is right, see a counsellor on your own to help you see things more clearly.
I hope you find peace and happiness in the future.

Reality check. He is not going to change. This you need to accept although you don’t want to. Then you have to decide if you can continue in this relationship. Sorry if this sounds harsh but that’s the way it is. To walk away after all these years may not be easy as your emotional strength will have been sapped but I am worried about physical abuse which is never acceptable in any circumstances. My dh often tries to be controlling but physical abuse is something I would never put up with and no should any woman. It’s not marriage guidance counselling you want but women’s refuge. You need help. Please have the courage to ask.

CrazyH, your 'culture and religion' prevent you from living and loving? Really? You only have one life so don't sacrifice yourself for ideals!

Juneb, where is your self respect? Why did you allow his behaviour for so long?

Why (oh why) don't you want to walk away? It makes no sense!

'Should I give up? - YES - break free and get your own life back!

Autism ? No. Narcissism ? Yes !

Narcissists don't have empathy for others and are only interested in themselves. The condition comes under the umbrella of personality disorders and unless the condition is recognised and treated this mental illness will continue.

If you are in a financial position to break away then do so, but start by seeing a solicitor. It'll be much more difficult as time goes on and you get older so strike while the iron's hot, it's your life/ future at stake.

This is not meant unkindly but honestly what did you expect people to advise ? Clearly this relationship is a waste of your life so however hard or heartbreaking you know that you need to leave. Take it step by step !

Yes of course you should give up. You deserve so much better.

30 years? You've lasted a lot longer than I would have. My husband is autistic and that is no excuse for cheating or abuse.

I agree with hithere being Autistic is absolutely no reason to excuse him for carrying on cheating or physically /mentally abusing you You have put up with enough in fact far too much
He has physically and mentally abused me this bit is the very reason you should have left him a long time ago and if you have a counsellor who is not helping you with this then you have the wrong counsellor for sure
I m afraid he is not going to change when he has had his way of doing things for 30 years, so you only have 30 more years of the same to look forward to is that all you want from your life?
My advise is to leave and have a proper life on your own you will be totally surprised at the peace and feeling of renewal you will feel to get out of this ABUSIVE cycle This is not love or life

You can’t change or save it, all you will do by staying is prolong it for the rest of your life DONT YOU DESERVE MORE?

Being in the autistic spectrum is no justification for being cheated on

Your question is not : should I give up? But "how much longer am I willing to live like this"

Make an appointment to see a different counsellor by yourself. They will listen and give you ways of coping. I took 20 years of emotional abuse and kept it all to myself until I started to see a counsellor. 2 years later, and quite suddenly, I did walk away. It wasn't easy but I found out my eldest had had suspicions for a long time about my unhappiness.

You may be right with your assumptions about him but you will not change him.

You've tried but your happiness is now more important than his. Don't tell him you are seeing the counsellor.

I can't tell you to walk away, but can tell you that I did and was all the better for it-

Women have shouldered tremendous burdens and are showing up in record numbers at court filing for divorce during this pandemic-

I went through the same for 25 years. I fought to save our marriage for the sake of our children. But the bottom line is, you can't make someone love you. Eventually, he fell seriously in love with someone. They got married. I think they are happy. But the hurt lingers on. My children, who are married, think I have done well and coping. Little do they know!!My culture and religion prevent me, from forming another relationship.
In your case Juneb, he probably does love you, he is still with you, and as you say, he may be on the autistic spectrum. That's not an excuse, but probably a reason. Whatever you decide, I wish you luck and all good wishes !!!