Bad grandma?

I agree with you Monica. I never cease to feel bad if I say no to family. My laptop is used by all of them, and I am not bothered. I never use it anyway. If only I was a perfect mother, and grandma. I come in handy for homework though

I think perfection is an overrated quality. I make no pretence of being perfect. My children and grandchildren know I am there when I am needed, but otherwise I leave them to run their lives as they will.

You keep your children by setting them free.

We bought our 8 year old granddaughter a laptop as it was required for school. I'd rather do that than lend her mine.

I would definitely not lend mine as I have personal confidential things on it e g my blog, conversations to friends about mine and their various problems etc. Might be a good idea to see if whole family could put together to buy her a laptop for Xmas.

Not unreasonable at all.

Assuming you just got the request - we're halfway through the term and shes managed until now, so can continue to do so!! If she really does need a replacement and your budget allows you could offer to get her a reconditioned one at xmas, or some money towards one.

Why not make sure you have everything you want saved on an external drive? You then have backup in case you drop your laptop or spill a cup of tean on it and all you need to do to lend it, is clear your private folders.

Well ... if Her Maj can say "No" to her family, so can the rest of us to ours - when the occasion demands it, of course! As has been said before, you had your very valid reasons, so you should have a clear conscience. I have lent some classic books (given to me by my deceased Godmother) to step granddaughter and have yet to get them back. I have to fight the seething annoyance that they are never mentioned! She is at Uni atm, but when she returns the subject will be raised - with a smile, of course! Stick to your guns!

I think you should have lent it. It was for college work. I would give my grandchildren any and all help they need when it comes to education. And you hardly ever use it. She could have used it in her room away from the rest of the family to keep it safe.

Sometimes you just have to say no, I would not have lent it either. Personal stuff etc, cost if it gets broken.

Why not just say “ I will lend it to if you promise to look after it”. I am sure she would promise and keep her promise.

Please ignore the righteous “I always give everything to everyone” comments.
This does not make the givers angelic bestowers of joy.
You did exactly the right thing for you.
There are many and varied reasons for not loaning your laptop out, many of which have been quoted by posters above.
All are perfectly valid reasons.
Do not give it a moments further thought.
PS. I only ever lend out items I can do without and won’t be concerned if they don’t reappear. I don’t think it’s being awkward, just practical.

If she doesnt have a laptop I would have bought her one.

Me too, I would probably have bought her one. But then, I’m famous for being a soft touch!

Not at all unreasonable. I would gladly let my any of my AC or GC borrow my tech stuff but only at my home.

I've loaned out countless items to family over the years and rarely had them all returned.

I would say no too. I use mine a lot, but even if I didn’t I’d still say no. Having stuff on a backup is great. Restoring it onto a new computer if some one damages yours is not fun.
We did contribute to laptops for my DGC last Christmas - how lucky was that in the light of COVID-19?

Loulou31

I think you did the right thing for you, as others have said your laptop will have personal stuff on it and while your GD may
of promised to look after it, there may have been occasions when the other family members might of gone on it and could easily messed it up.Even her friends might have too.
As to those GN’s who said they would have just bought her a new laptop they are very lucky to be in the position to do that
not everyone is.
Lou don’t worry about it.It’s good for them to be told no sometimes.

I don’t think I could say ‘no’, even though I know I should. It’s really hard, but then I only have one grandchild.

I'd try not to feel too bad Lou but I understand where you're coming from. I expect that like me, you were brought up to be 'nice, nice, nice' and not to say no to people. Please don't feel bad, as M0nica says it's time to cut the umbilical cord, they've got to stand on their own two feet, no matter how hard it is for us to let go.

Why do so many adults feel they have to please children all the time, grandchildren in particular? Wrong way around: it's the children who should strive to act maturely. How else will they build resilience and character?
Whatever happened to our British Middle Class truism of deferred gratification?

M0nica has it absolutely right! No need to feel guilty!

I am with inishowen (?) on this.. prefer to help to buy one.

my gks come here, not very often, they are more than welcome to use my desktop,, my rules,, and they have always respected them.. else I would say "no".. and explain why.

Don't feel bad about saying no

Your laptop, your decision

Don't think anyone would dare to try to separate me from my laptop, Probably could borrow my ipad, but never, never my laptop.
You are definitely not a bad grandma for saying 'No' - it's a word a lot of the young one don't understand!!

My DH lent our GD his laptop to use for her school work during lockdown. He doesn't use it much, so no problem. He probably wont ask for it back as it could be useful in the future for school work.

Did you explain the reason why you said no and did you tell her she was quite welcome to use it at your house . How did your granddaughter feel when you said no . If you explained the Situation to her , you both would feel better about the reason you said no .