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AIBU

my support bubble burst!

(63 Posts)
keepingquiet Fri 13-Nov-20 20:20:19

I live alone and formed a support bubble when they first became a thing with my son, his partner and my now six month old grandchild. I don't want to go into too much detail but they are having serious problems. I haven't been for two weeks because things are complicated. In short I'm being messed about.
I don't know if I should form a bubble with someone else and risk not seeing my grandchild, or keep in this one even though I don't know when I will see them?

Madgran77 Tue 09-Feb-21 19:13:18

shoulddobetta not sure why you have posted this on this thread which has been posted by a poster asking for advice on her support bubble situation?

Shoulddobetta Tue 09-Feb-21 15:35:47

Award for most boring husband.
As we've just spent 2 1/2 weeks self isolating together perhaps my patience has been worn thin.
My husband just popped out to start the car as he'll be back to work tomorrow.
It started no problem despite the snow.
He then went on to describe how with those sort of cars you have to wait for the glow plugs to warm up etc etc etc.......zzzzzzzzzzzz
Am I being unreasonable to have absolutely no interest? 🤔

Huitson1958 Mon 16-Nov-20 11:53:04

I really think that you should put your needs to one side here and see if there is any way you can support your son and his partner ... I’m sure you “ being messed about “ is something that’s not even crossing their minds and neither should it be if they’re having problems ... some people get pretty selfish as they get older so please don’t become one of them

Skye17 Mon 16-Nov-20 10:48:12

1lizzie2 and MamaCaz, that only seems to be illegal if it is done for a reward. There are exemptions too.

www.madeformums.com/toddler-and-preschool/could-your-childcare-arrangements-be-breaking-the-law/

MamaCaz Sun 15-Nov-20 17:56:26

But didn't Cummings at some point change his story say that it was actually his sister or nieces who were going to look after the son if necessary???
(That was after it was pointed out that his original excuse, that the elderly parents could look after the child while he and his wife were both ill, didn't hold water, as we had all been told that we mustn't do this!)

So that would also have been illegal then, as they are not grandparents, and presumably not registered childminders?

llizzie2 Sun 15-Nov-20 16:43:00

We actually owe the bubble system to Cummings. If he had not taken his son to his grandparents because he and his wife were having symptoms and were worried that they might collapse and leave the child alone there would not have been the system, because at that point few people - including government science advisors realised that the coronavirus may take some time to make you worse, but some people were collapsing immediately.

It is against the law to leave your child with someone who is not a registered child minder. If you did not have one near you, or they could not take any more children, the only other people legally able to care for children is grandparents. I do not know why Cummings was so hated for doing what he did. No other professional thought of it. Now we can all have a bubble.

llizzie2 Sun 15-Nov-20 16:35:31

I have lived alone since my husband died in 2009. I am disabled. The carer I have had since June 2019 comes regularly. I could not do without help.

14 days is not long. It is becoming very difficult for families, especially young ones to cope. It is something no one has experienced before. How can we expect the young adults to know what to do when their world is turned upside down? How do they support you? Presumably you need a bubble because you are housebound anyway, like me, or isolation?

Can you get shopping online? At least in the war people could mingle. Try not to take it that they do not want to see you. Many people, when all this is over with suffer PTSD, and your bubble may well need you to prop them up when that time comes. My children are not near me. I have not seen them in ages. I envy you. I shall be 80 at Christmas, and never know if I will ever see them again.

Chinesecrested Sun 15-Nov-20 12:12:31

I don't think it's a case of messing you about. They aren't doing it deliberately. Can't you go and visit when the son's at work? Unless of course he's been furloughed...

M0nica Sun 15-Nov-20 11:31:50

Not all support bubbles involve children. Ours involves another single adult, living alone and working from home. The COVID risk is minimal.

I have always thought and still do that while the rules are there and should be followed. They are a broad brush approach to the circustances of millions of households all in different circumstances and there are going to be occasions when one thinks hard, assesses the risks, and then decides to breach some of the rules.

I did this when DD was ill and we had her home a few days before the introduction of bubbles made it legal and I am doing it now, DS lives 200 miles away and has come down for the weekend to see his DF and support me and, as a result, is staying a couple of nights in the house.

GrannyRose15 Sun 15-Nov-20 01:03:38

Support bubbles are supposed to provide support. If you need support find it where you can.

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 22:28:48

V3ra, good idea as meeting outdoors is so much safer. Nobody should feel obligated to visit relatives at Christmas unless they really want to - whatever the rules.

Close contact is usually how the virus spreads, often from asymptomatic younger people to vulnerable older ones.

V3ra Sat 14-Nov-20 21:39:53

moggie57 it's a real dilemma and you have to do what you're comfortable with.
Could you meet your daughter and the grandchildren in a local park in the meantime?

moggie57 Sat 14-Nov-20 18:06:34

My grandchildren haven't been in my home since February. I sometimes see then coming out of school.I am masked up.then i see parents who are not masked up.I would love my grandchildren to come and be in my home.but they are playing safe and not coming here to me who is vulnerable. But sure about mixing at Christmas either though would love to spend Christmas day with my daughter and children.

moggie57 Sat 14-Nov-20 18:01:28

Frankly I don't believe in these bubbles. Children can go to school with children from other households then they go home and mix with other family members who have been out and about to God knows where.and then they come home and mix again .

V3ra Sat 14-Nov-20 17:21:43

Hetty58 that's exactly what I've been thinking will be the case, and am rather concerned about!

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 17:16:56

V3ra, I suspect that the rules will be relaxed over the Christmas period (as so few would stick to them anyway) and the infection and death rate will shoot up in January, inevitably.

V3ra Sat 14-Nov-20 17:02:47

All along we've been including my Dad (89) in our family as a support bubble as he lives nearby.
This week he was happily telling me that my brother, who lives a few hours away, is planning to come down mid-December, stay overnight at Dad's, then take him back with him for two or three weeks over Christmas.
Dad says he's joining their bubble for this.

I pointed out that as things stand this is all against the rules but Dad thinks it's all ok. I'm surprised my brother has even discussed it with him yet.

The best I could suggest was to wait and see what the rules are once the current lockdown ends, and if he still goes we wouldn't see him for two weeks after he gets back.
I'm sure he thinks I'm just being awkward!

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 16:59:20

Oh but GrauntyHelen, people just do whatever they want - then make up flimsy excuses and exceptions - expecting us all to agree!

I can't stand the 'need to see grandchildren' one. Being community minded, rather than selfish (but, obviously, living in the wrong country for that) I've not seen mine (including a new baby) since February.

GrauntyHelen Sat 14-Nov-20 16:45:45

Once you have formed a support bubble you can't just form another one !

B9exchange Sat 14-Nov-20 16:35:09

M0nica I am so sorry to hear about your DH, I must have missed that somewhere, will keep you all in our prayers.

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 16:14:33

Very few people do give a d**n what the rules are M0nica - and that's why there are so many new infections.

At least you have a very good, understandable reason to ignore them atm. Others simply don't care about anyone else!

M0nica Sat 14-Nov-20 15:54:16

The purpose of bubbles is to give support to someone living alone who may be struggling mentally or physically, especially if they are disabled.

We re in a support bubble with DD, who lives 100 miles away. She became critically ill during the first lockdown and is only now back in full health. She still needs some mental support. We usually see her once a month for a day or weekend.

Currently with DH critically ill in hospital both DC are visiting him and me, at separate times, they do not come together and I do not give a d**n what the rules are.

Lucca Sat 14-Nov-20 14:41:17

Nannan2

Lucca- that's not the point,is it?Hetty58 is right in a way- the only way to stop the spread is to well, stop spreading,mingling.If we can actually manage to stop all the house-hopping some folk have done it may well get under control.

What do you mean that’s not the point ! I asked a simple question. No hidden agenda.
Some who live alone cope well, I do for example, but there are those who don’t.

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 14:06:04

Erindoors, I find it easy enough!

Hetty58 Sat 14-Nov-20 14:04:13

Lucca, yes I do live alone (if the dog and cat don't count) quite happily. I always feel so sorry for those cooped up with others they don't get along with.

We're not babies are we? Why would we need support (unless we're frail, disabled or ill, when we'd need help anyway) just because of lockdown? I'm truly puzzled.