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wanting to spend Christmas on my own

(93 Posts)
Daisychain Sat 05-Dec-20 14:26:59

I have a lovely family, but they won't hear of me spending
Xmas on my own.
I was looking forward to it, and even planned out my menus
But no they think this is outrageous
I am probably wrong but I feel I am being bullied.
is it reasonable to feel like this?

Minerva Sun 06-Dec-20 10:39:38

I would just love to have Christmas Day on my own. Just one day of absolute peace and quiet. My choice of what’s on TV. Only me to cook for. Get up whenever. Wash up at the end of the day. Wonderful. A week would be better?

Greeneyedgirl Sun 06-Dec-20 10:40:15

I don’t live near my family but if we did would only meet for a walk. Problem this year I think is that because rules are relaxed for Christmas, and families can legitimately meet, some vulnerable GPs will feel uncomfortable declining.
I think it will be sad if for a few days of family time, there will be an increase in hospital admissions afterwards.
We plan to have a celebration in Spring, after the vaccine, hopefully.

Annana Sun 06-Dec-20 10:43:33

Right, I‘m probably going against the grain here but have doubts . First of all, if the decision not to go along with the get-together family Tradition is for health reasons , then I fully support it. However, I feel that too many of us , and in this respect I really am not judging Daisychain, are becoming more focused on our personal needs and forget that family traditions are important in life. Of course, there is an element of ‚give and sacrifice „ but these occasions live in memory and somehow bind families. Can you imagine your Christmas as a child without the family and if everyone did theirown thing? Please excuse the Preaching, but my husband often refuses to join me because it is often sooo tedious, which I find extremely hurtful.

Janburry Sun 06-Dec-20 10:44:02

Shandy 57 maybe your son is also looking forward to the peace and quiet and doing his own thing. Hubby and l are christmasing alone as he is very vunerable, I've told my girls and said l can watch the grandchildren open our presents on whatsapp they completely understand. I do wonder if l would be allowed to stay on my own over Christmas if l was on my own though so I'm making notes readying the excuses, l feel a headache coming on lol

Awesomegranny Sun 06-Dec-20 10:45:02

It’s just a day, and if it’s your choice to be alone your family shouldn’t feel guilty. I have spent Christmas on my own and I enjoyed it watching whatever I wanted on TV, indulging myself with tasty treats the day went quickly. This year has been a difficult year with all the isolating we’ve had to do Christmas home alone isn’t a difficult option.

Alioop Sun 06-Dec-20 10:45:59

You do what 'you' want for Xmas and just say to them that you are happier this year not to have to travel. I'll get up Xmas morning and open my presents. Then go to collect my sister, we visit our parents grave and she comes back to mine for Xmas dinner, then goes home. I spend Xmas night on my own and all Boxing Day. I sit in my PJs that day,only changing the bottoms to take the dog out and watch rubbish TV, eating my way through my Xmas chocs. Bliss.

chris8888 Sun 06-Dec-20 10:46:00

I find little white lies are best way to keep the peace ‘lm sorry darling but l have twisted my ankle etc’ Otherwise mine see me as just being awkward sad

Dylant1234 Sun 06-Dec-20 10:50:19

I love my children and my six grandchildren but I’d rather spend Christmas alone this year than be six feet under next year. They all respect my wishes on this. They’ve all been sent presents! If you feel you’re being bullied into unsafe multi-generational indoor mixing, you probably are being bullied or emotionally manipulated in some way. Ask them jokingly/nicely if they’re trying to advance their inheritance - that should shut them up ???

Witzend Sun 06-Dec-20 10:55:50

I well remember my own mother saying at the last minute on Christmas Eve - just as I was going to drive the 60 miles to fetch her - that she’d really rather stay quietly at home.

OK, but I went anyway, to take her presents and some nice food.

Only trouble was, by then she was in the earlier stages of dementia, and later that evening she was on the phone, furiously angry at being all on her own on Christmas Eve - I was the worst daughter in the world, she was cutting me out of her will, etc.

I was in tears for ages - nothing I said could convince her that of course she’d been invited and hadn’t wanted to come.

Thank goodness, when I phoned on Christmas Day - in fear and trepidation in case of more of the same - she’d completely forgotten the whole episode and was happy enough.

moggie57 Sun 06-Dec-20 10:57:12

Really .I already feel left out of all things .I feel really depressedcabout spending Christmas on my own. I spend all day every day on my own.I want to be with my daughter and GC for one day at Christmas. And she says she wants to feel comfortable with saying no to me.I haven't had then in my home since March. I tell you its awful lonely being on your own at Christmas or any other time of the grateful for what they are offering.

Gwenisgreat1 Sun 06-Dec-20 10:59:51

While I can appreciate the benefits of being on ones own, I do love my DD's cooking - she does a lovely job of cooking the while meal and wont have help, my job is to supervise DGD and DGS opening their presents (can be hard work) but I'm lucky to. be included!

NannyG123 Sun 06-Dec-20 11:02:03

Daisy hasn't, your not being unreasonable. You should. Be able to spend Christmas how you want to. We've so spent Christmas with family. But this year I am happy to spend Christmas just the 2 of us. But my older daughter getting upset, doesn't want us to spend day on our own, but she's a teacherand has 2 daughters at secondary school and doesn't want to come and infect us, so she v thinks either my other son or daughter should spend it with us my sons partner is a midwife and wants to see her mum. And my daughter lives over an hour away and in their 3 , so we're quite happy not seeing them, but it's causing friction between eldest daughter and them. Way I look at it it's one day we are happy about it, but the friction getting to me. I'll be glad when Christmas and this pandemic is over. Roll.on getting the vaccine.

BusterTank Sun 06-Dec-20 11:04:44

If that's what makes you happy . As people get older they tend to like there home comforts and there's nothing wrong with that . Just explain to your family it's not personnel but you would be more happier in your own home .

Dottynan Sun 06-Dec-20 11:18:03

My husband's nan wanted to spend Christmas Day at home quietly alone. Her family would not hear of it and collected her Christmas morning. She sulked so badly they were glad to take her home after Christmas lunch. She knew what she wanted !

Arty2 Sun 06-Dec-20 11:19:16


timetogo2016 Sun 06-Dec-20 11:23:49

I agree with those that say do what you want,it`s also safer for you with covid not going anywhere soon.

Nannieh7 Sun 06-Dec-20 11:26:15

I'm in the same position so I'll tell my family I'm going to yours and you tell your lot that you're coming to mine.....sorted!

grannygranby Sun 06-Dec-20 11:31:43

I enjoyed that faringdon59 and think you are right! There is a massive social pressure which it is so hard to live up to so we must take heart we are able to withstand it and as you say be wary of others projections.

Phloembundle Sun 06-Dec-20 11:32:46

It's many years since I was able to do what I want at Christmas, but left to me, I would run away somewhere remote where they've never heard of it.

sandelf Sun 06-Dec-20 11:32:55

I think you need to tell them, just as you have said here. We are so near to better times it would be really silly to take risks now. Infection does not know about Christmas.

Kim19 Sun 06-Dec-20 11:35:32

It makes me a little sad that people here have to resort to lies (even white ones) to get the day/life they want. OP, in my opinion, a 'lovely' family simply does not do pressure. They respect your wishes. I almost got caught up in this myself recently but decided to take the straight but difficult route. Pretty much sorted now but very painful at the time. I'm alone but not yet sure what I'll be doing. I feel very fortunate to have a choice. May we all have the happiest Christmas we can and..... roll on next year for all the belated ones.

Luckygirl Sun 06-Dec-20 11:36:46

as it stands I am having to spend it with my youngest daughter.

You do not have to do anything of the kind. You have to weigh up the risks to you - which are different to those of your children - and make your own decision.

I have chosen not to spend Christmas with my children, although I have been asked, and they respect my decision and my reasoning. They are planning ways in which we can be together in some way - outside or on zoom.

Emelle Sun 06-Dec-20 11:39:07

We have also decided to stay at home for this one Christmas - better safe than sorry. Our DS called yesterday and stood in our hallway for about 20 minutes and we both felt uneasy making us realise that a few hours on Christmas Day just isn't worth the two weeks of worry afterwards.

Caro57 Sun 06-Dec-20 11:40:53

Very reasonable - sounds like you will have a wonderful day of self indulgence which we all more than deserve. Enjoy!

djgmpg Sun 06-Dec-20 11:43:35

May be too late for this year, but do what I did for next if you still fancy a lone Christmas and don’t mind telling a couple of fibs. I told my family I was spending the day with one friend, told that friend who would want to know where I was going, that I was spending it with another friend, but went to neither and had an enjoyable, stress free day on my own. I love my family dearly but find spending from about 11am to midnight’ish with them exhausting.

By the time I met up with said friends and family last year, generally speaking discussion about Christmas was kept to a “yes, I had a nice time, what about yours?” This year I have Coronavirus as an excuse to ‘stay home and be safe’. Mobile phones allow Christmas Day calls with no clue to where one is. Staying at home alone is only a sad experience, if you would rather be with others and can’t.