Husband always ‘ill’

Its hypochondria- a lot of blokes 'suffer' from it? Tell him to get to the docs &prove it one way or the other- or just go to work with a cold.??

I had a sister-in-law who always had something wrong with her, so much so that we used to joke about it behind her back. Unfortunately she then became terminally ill and subsequently died. You can imagine we all felt terrible. I'm afraid it was much like the boy who called wolf. Daisy, I agree with other posts, that he should be encouraged to have a check up and remind him of the story of the boy who called wolf.

Do you think he's genuinely ill or just likes to complain. I have a family member that has something wrong with her every day. In fact her husband says that the day she wakes up and says there's nothing wrong with her, then he'll begin to worry. mind you she never loses a day's work. I think some people just like talking about every tiny ailment.

My mother was a chronic hypochondriac. She went to the doctor every couple of weeks. One day my father was so fed up he said ‘Where have we got cancer today?’ She eventually died because she wouldn’t take medicine for osteoporosis and died from complications when she broke her leg.

I’m sure it’s already been said, but he sounds depressed. This would give him physical ailments. He should see/ talk to his GP.

BBbevan

Think that is called ‘lazyitis’.

So true

I do think a visit to your GP is a good start. My husband is often ill too, and after referral to an immunologist it turns out he has a deficiency of something vital in his immune system which means he is much more susceptible to germs and viruses than most people. Now that he understands why he gets ill so often he deals with it much better, as do I.

My Dad’s diabetes was over-looked whilst every other test known to man was done. My stepmother keeping up a litany of complaints because he was constantly exhausted.

At his last GP appt he was told there was nothing wrong with him but as he was about to leave the room the doctor said that they may as well do a urine test.

Next thing my dad was being told to sit still, not move, as an ambulance was on the way. The urine test was obviously not good and the doctor panicking that he had missed a vital step.

I do wonder if that’s partly why we lost him in his early 70s but we’ll never know.

I had this problem withmy husband. Eventually they tested his psa and found he had prostate cancer. I think you should take this seriously. I wish I had at the time and he would still be alive now. I thought he was being a hypochondriac. Get him checked. As often they have no symptoms just feel unwell. Take it seriously.

I suspect he is depressed so needs help

We were self employed and just could not stay off work with coughs or colds. Even with serious hip problem I still had to travel to work. It could be a depression or midlife crisis coming on.
You obviously can’t get involved with him at the Doctors because of COVID. But you could suggest he ring up the surgery and ask for a phone consultation. He. won’t be on his own there are probably lots of people feeling the same way.

Sounds like you married a male version of Dot Cotton.
And BBbevan is spot on.

Sounds like it may have started as depression and now confidence has gone.
You could try taking to your bed (drastic and a bit scary I know) and saying I'm so sorry Darling but I am feeling ill and exhausted. I need you to take over everything until my energy comes back.
It's kind of tough love but you are giving him a chance to shine without criticism and to be the hero. Give him lavish praise when he gets the smallest thing right, try to ignore it when he gets things wrong. Remember you are ill and exhausted. I think two or possibly three weeks should crack it.

Depression possibly or it could be habit. My man suffers a bit with depression especially in the winter. Having said that he also complains every day.... haven’t slept, can’t sleep, different aches and pains and I know most of it is just a habit he’s got into. I care deeply for him and have learnt to assess to a degree when it needs medical investigation and when it’s just general moaning. It is very wearing and I find like a lot of men he is always reluctant to do anything to improve whatever’s wrong! I would definitely try and get him checked out for depression and any other possibilities but also make sure you take time to look after yourself - time out etc. Can you talk to him and tell him how it’s affecting you/maybe try some counselling? My husband didn’t want to see a counsellor but when he did it was a real help. Best wishes to you .

If he is ill you should tell him to say in bed until he is better if he is watching tv all the time get the hoover out turn off the tv and start hoovering. i had an ex just like that but he also pleaded a bad back every time the lawn needed mowing or the washing up doing.never wanted to go out and yet always had time to go see his adult kids i ended up leaving him got divorced and now he has to do it all himself.

Sounds like your husband truly isn’t happy. Telling you his illnesses is a way of getting you to give him attention, I would suggest he has depression and needs help, I recognise some of the signs. Try to be sympathetic and get him some help.

Id suggest he may be depressed and neither of you have recognised the symptoms. It often manifesta as low grade ohysical illness that is tiring for everyone. If this is the case he will need help but I can assure you a diagnosis can often come S a relief and bring a surge of energy. There are a number of treatments availanle on line. Called CBT they can be quite effective for low to medium depression. Just be aware that it should be a professional that does the diagnosis and that yhe causes might surprise you.

he says he feels so useless and can’t help feeling ill all of the time

I think, as others have suggested, he may be genuinely ill. He may have a milder form of ME (which is varied anyway) that makes him unable to function at 100% or maybe he's depressed.

If it's "officially" a pay-off, is he any happier?

Is he depressed? This kind of preoccupation and anxiety around physical health can be a manifestation of anxiety and depression.
Be honest with him about how you feel and ask him to phone your surgery to make an initial phone appointment with the doctor.

Although you don't mention what OH does for a living I can't help thinking that by being self employed he's letting customers down by taking time off work........glad I've not approached him to do anything for me!

He obviously doesn't like his work and finds any excuse to not go out to work.

Time for some tough talking Daisy2018, the next occasion that he complains about feeling unwell you have to tell him that it's gone on long enough, make an appointment with the GP ( early stages will no doubt be a phone consultation but will be a step in the right direction ) and tell him exactly how his behaviour is making you feel insecure about the future.

If your husband is unenthusiastic about his job he could be feeling low/ depressed even. It’s a known fact that poor mental health negatively impacts physical health which could leave him vulnerable to aches, pains, coughs, colds and worse.
I think he needs to open up to you and his doctor about what could be going on with him. He may not be able to unravel it by himself. Good Luck to both of you.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I do feel bad now complaining but when I do talk to him about it, like just now, he says he feels so useless and can’t help feeling ill all of the time. He has got a cold though !

He could have something like M.E. Perhaps you could look up the symptoms. People with this illness are often accused of being just lazy.
Or as Monica said he could be suffering from other illnesses.
It may be difficult for you to cope with, but he may be feeling really down about it and can't really explain how he feels.

It's been going on for years. Time for some tough action.

Days off not says off.