Birthday flowers

Lilikemaho That's a very unkind post. I'm glad I'm not your parent.

I've just had my birthday too and am sitting here with lovely flowers, the colours lift my winter blues. And it was the second anniversary of losing my husband yesterday and more flowers, so thoughtful. Yes I've had to find vases and arrange them but I know they were sent with such kind thoughts. I know it's very hard to shop so soon after Christmas and not easy at this present time. And I am one who finds present buying hard so I understand the problem.

It was my birthday just over a week ago and the gifts I received were 2 bouquets of flowers from AC a third bouquet from a dear friend and 2 bunches of tulips from another friend. I was delighted - love flowers and had them displayed all around the house. Things are so difficult at the moment so to have received anything was a bonus. My husband gave me money. Just be grateful.

As so often, it is about communicating. Your children clearly care, so help them out and tell them what you would like, or ask for one of these vouchers that can be spent in a number of shops! Problem solved.
But please don't do this immediately after having received gifts you don't want....

I think you are very ungrateful and don’t deserve to receive any gifts. I also can’t believe you don’t like cut flowers- they brighten up the house in these dark days, and to have three bouquets would make me feel very special!

How very ungrateful you sound you are very lucky indeed to have a family never mind moaning about what they got you if you were my parent it would be the last present you got from me

I think its just how they are these days. I don't think its that they don't care. I have discovered that I have to say how I feel to my daughter as, quite honestly, I'm not first on her list, and thats OK. When she left home she became an independent person and I was no longer her number one priority. When she got married I hardly saw her for many years. She saw that I had a life of my own, friends of my own etc.

Now as I am in lockdown alone I know she makes time for me and comes regularly with my granddaughter even though I'm sure some days she'd rather just be at home. I have told her if she wants to skip coming thats fine with me. She is under tremendous pressure just now.

The point is its up to you to say how you are feeling and what you need and perhaps show your vulnerability a bit, as they are very busy and occupied elsewhere. I'm sure if you do this your children will behave differently.

I've mentioned before that they don't really see us as 'people' and they see us still stuck in the previous role of always being there and having no needs.

I'm sure if your children saw you were needing a bit more input and their love they would give it.

I love flowers and chocs. However I have a very long time friend who doesnt want cut flowers but loves plants. I do think you are being ungrateful though think of the many who are just forgotten.

You could say "Thank you for my lovely flowers and chocolates , you shouldn't have spent so much on me" and then suggest something you would like.

Even my cleaner occasionally brings a small bunch of flowers to all her clients, nothing expensive, daffs or lupins etc.but its the thought that counts and she arranges them in a vase & displays them when she's finished cleaning (she does the floors& dusting as i can no longer stand for long periods due to osteoarthritis) and sometimes yes they are an uplifting sight!?

I had my birthday last month and my 4AC asked what I would like for my birthday. I told them I don't really need anything as when I want or see anything I really like I will buy it. I received beautiful cards off them all and a surprise afternoon tea for two of us which my daughter made herself and delivered to us at a distance. It was really appreciated and a pleasant surprise. They have said when the lockdown is over and things are back to normal they will take us out for a meal. Also received flowers which were beautiful.

Id have loved this for a gift- except i only own two vases,so not sure what id have done with a third bunch? In fact i only suggested to my 2 youngest sons (they live at home still, 17&22) this as a mothers day suggestion, with a hint hint! So it just goes to show, doesn't it, what differences people have.If its just the thought of cut flowers as a waste afterwards maybe you can ring to thank them, sound GRATEFUL, but ask if you can have a rooted plant or flowering plant next time so you can enjoy it for much longer?, or so you can replant into your garden later perhaps?? Rather that than they get you nothing next time as you didn't seem happy to receive anything..Yes i think maybe you are being unreasonable.and a little ungrateful.?

Have you considered an open wish list with Amazon for you to put things you actually want on? While I am not suggesting they get everything from amazon, (in fact books usually come from Waterstones) or a local shop that can supply the item.
It gives other a starting point about what to buy.
My family all have one, which believe me has been a great help particularly with the teens. Better to give an hint than to feel like you are now.
Hope your day improves.

My birthday recently and as we’re shielding and stuck indoors my DH made me a card!! My AC & DGC came and stood on the drive in the pouring rain to wish me a happy birthday & hand deliver a cake made by my 9 yr old DGC a puzzle book and cards. It was dark as they been homeschooling/ wfh. It meant the world to me!! I’m very aware of how many people are lonely and alone and think whatever we have we should be grateful for in these difficult times.

Ha ha ..I;m with 'Keeping quiet; ....no family except one estranged (no reason !) daughter .....must be NICE to receive ANYTHING you haven't bought yourself at Christmas and birthdays .....wonder how it feels to be even thought of ...some people are very very lucky and have no idea !!!!

HomeAgain123
I would be so pleased that they took time to send flowers. They can’t go shopping at the moment so flowers are lovely and feminine. My Father used to be given Brylcream, razor blades, handkerchiefs and marshmallows EVERY year and he was delighted to be remembered. I don’t send flowers as it’s so expensive to do so. Think yourself lucky !!

Let it go! Wait until later in the year and say you are "going to relieve them of the fuss and bother of gift giving and sending". This in itself is a gift!
We are all grown-ups and younger people these days are different, many of them don't DO cards, or spend ages looking for appropriate gifts like we used to enjoy doing.
Your relationship with them (I hope) does not rest on whether they buy you appropriate gifts
Cut them some slack, either be grateful they even remember you or speak up and let them off the hook.

I would not want anyone to have to go shopping and then stand in a queue at the Post Office at the moment.
Flowers and chocolates are a safe option and show you are not forgotten, just say thank you and be gracious.

Be glad you did not get a re-gift like I did! My birthday is February and I am sick of having re-gifts from Christmas. On my 65th birthday I received a tin of biscuits from my niece. I saw the very same biscuits there the Christmas just gone, and i got Celebration Chocs from my sister which I had seen at their house that Christmas. Both my niece and sister have a great deal more cash than me. Cheapskates!

It is difficult to think of something each year. Why not suggest charity gifts, adopt an animal. You could say you were supporting a specific charity during the year.
I love getting something with a picture of the grandchildren. Treasure these, they don’t cost much. I mentioned these as soon as first grandchild was born

There are a real range of opinions on this aren’t there! Some would love them, some hate them, and some in between.
I love receiving plants and flowers (and chocolates) and I’m delighted that my children always remember my birthday with cards or texts messages and presents - some of which are not quite what I would choose, but they are given with love and I appreciate that. They always call too.
I’d love to send these to one of my daughters and her family but her husband has an allergy to flowers - they have to go outside the back door - and they also have food allergies in the family, so they are gluten free, soya free and dairy free! It difficult to buy bits to send them online as a gift. My other daughter is much easier to send things to.
Happy birthday - hope you have enjoyed some aspects of your day. Xx

Whilst I love flowers I’m more interested in the card have always said to my DD a gift is lovely but much prefer a really nice card with a nice verse. I always feel more ‘thought’ of if I get a lovely card.
It’s DH birthday soon we only buy cards for each other. DD is considering organising an afternoon tea for him (just us her and the bairns as we are in a bubble) he will love it! But it’s each to their own x

Just do what our family do, suggest what you'd like. You can ask them what sort of things they'd appreciate for their birthdays saying you'd much prefer to get them something they really like or need. You can thank them for their presents, but suggest alternatives for your next birthday. Do it in a friendly caring way. Problem solved.

I must have a most unusual family. They all know me so well they have no problem buying me great presents. Flowers, I can take or leave but husband loves them and arranges them beautifully.
Sadly, on my birthday on Sunday I was given three chemo hats for when my hair falls out this week or next. At least some thought went into this, all three are different. They even managed to find one with buttons sewn on the side for easy mask wearing.
Be grateful for the flowers and chocolates.

Sorry but you seem so ungrateful. I'd just be pleased they went to the trouble to get flowers. In lockdown its impossible to get to the shops.