Noisy neighbor - that's me!

The OP said she needs the help from her dd, as shes disabled, but also said she is the one giving the help to her dd, whose anxious being home alone? So, a 2way win.But not a win for the neighbour.But a small child running round above you for nearly 3 hrs almost every day is enough to drive you crazy.(imagine,(or remember) the holidays where a small child/children thudded around up above in an upstairs room/apartment/chalet? And that being only for a few days?Almost every day must be a nightmare.But also, you're not helping your dd to get used to being alone in her own home with the kids either, or to get any real help with her anxiety.Just puts it off while you all have a nice tea & play games.Could you 'face' your daughters steps and visit her some days? Could they maybe provide a porta loo for you downstairs, (or even a comode) to make it easier? Or can they afford a stair lift in their house, so you can go help there, but its easier for you to manage the toilet. But none of those are your neighbour's problems.Yes you should have family visits, but they seem a bit much, and if its at your neighbours cost then you need to take that into consideration too. Also, your dd can't just keep coming to your flat forever, for 2-3 hrs for years on end, (you said its because she's anxious at home) but it won't be practical to do that forever.If you go to hers you can help her maybe get used to being there more.Maybe she can get her Gp's help too, with the anxiety.Think over how to help all round.Not just put the kettle on.?

@Nannan2 - its highly unlikely the child is running around for THREE hours constantly. Its in the afternoon, I could understand if it was all day or late at night. Its the downstairs neighbour that is in the wrong, not the original OP! The OP is perfectly entitled to have her support bubble round every day if she chooses, and needs. If it was not lockdown would you still be criticising the OP as much? Given she is operating within lockdown rules - I think you are being more than a little unreasonable!

Hetty58 I can only assume that the stress of lockdown is the reason you are being so unpleasant.

A stair lift in someone else’s house because the neighbour doesn’t like day time visitors is a ludicrous suggestion.

Remember this neighbour doesn’t like washing machines or hoovers either. Or non-existent sewing machines.

My disabled son visits us every day. I would be outraged in neighbours decided it was too often. It’s up to each family how often family visit.

My mum visits her 95 year old neighbour every day to give her a cup of tea and turn her TV on - is that too much?

This is a tricky one, and everyone benefits from a social bubble, keep it up. Are there any days that you could all go for a walk whilst your neighbour takes a nap? Although this depends on weather, mobility, and your grandson could run off some steam.
My daughter and grandson are in my bubble, he is autistic and has ADHD, he charges around my house until he gets used to it. She doesn’t bring him very often. During this lockdown she goes out walking with him and amazingly he is very well behaved.
Sorry to hijack your post with my family, I just want you to know that I understand. Children are noisy, boundless energy,I would be worried if they weren’t.
The “charm and disarm” idea with the flowers and chocolates is great. Good luck and keep us posted.

Just re-read your original post. I see you do have mobility difficulties, hence the walking suggestion is not possible. I do hope a peaceful solution is found that works for both sides.

Nannan, a portaloo or a commode? You must be joking.

As for your ideas on how others should support anxiety, well, I have no words.

Well I think Nannan2 has made some good points. Her daughter needs to be able to enjoy her own home and the OP should be able to visit. My brother can't climb stairs so we have a portaloo under the stairs. And children running around on and off for three hours every day is a lot.
Legally there is nothing the neighbour can do but neighbours should be considerate of each other imo.

If you are disabled should you be in an upstairs flat?? How do you get out at all ?
I think both of you have a genuine problem there isn’t a wrong in this situation and I do feel for you BOTH but the people saying the neighbour must be over sensitive have obviously never lived in a flat... dropping anything on the floor can sound like a bomb going off the shop I volunteer in has a flat above it and when they put their washing machine on it sounds like a plane coming in to land for an hour it sounds like a tank dancing around the floor The sewing machine is probably your fridge or fridge freezer whirring away

She definitely isn’t necessarily over sensitive

So there is no right and no wrong but there HAS to be a compromise

Every day for three hours a day is an awful lot to bear and does sound excessive the neighbour must dread it can your daughter come every other day ? Can she take you out, the weather is getting better and would be good for you all

You do really have to take her into consideration and not think you are right and she is so wrong unless you ve lived in her shoes ( or her flat)

COMPROMISE

I’ve lived in several flats (ground floor at that) and was entirely realistic about the amount of noise to expect. Yes of course you hear proper walking around and TVs and people talking. You can’t ask people to stay in completely alone and never wash their clothes, use washing machines or see their grandchildren.

Late night noise is a different matter. But day to day life? Tough. It’s part of living in a flat.

And how can she compromise? Drag her clothes to a launderette? Never hoover?

Thats a bit if a stupid comment Nezumi
Did anyone suggests she didn’t Hoover or wash her clothes... no point in discussing with such a silly reaction

Only thing I would ask her if she feels the noise is to much with her being downstairs from you is to come and have a cuppa and join you for a chat. (I know with covid) she might not want to. But I wouldn't stop daughter and Grandchildren coming. Plus if she does phone the police they won't do anything as they are in your bubble. She might be feeling a bit, lonely as we are all feeling at a lost with all this Covid at the moment.

Her neighbour is complaining about her hoovering and using the washing machine. bluebelle. And a non-existent sewing machine. I agree it is ludicrous. And also a good reason not to stress about the grandchild wearing slipper socks in a carpeted flat with rugs. The neighbour will start complaining about the bath, or the taps or the kettle. She’s never going to be happy.

Some of the suggestions for appeasing the woman in the upstairs flat are frankly bonkers! Portaloos and taking washing to a launderette?

Slipper socks do not reduce the impact on the floor. They merely keep your feet warm and would be of no benefit to the person living downstairs in terms of noise.

Actual slippers would be better.

Perhaps OP can put slippers on her washing machine as well.

Portaloo wasn't suggested solely as appeasement to neighbour but also as an aid to OP visiting her daughter. It must be a problem never being able to visit your daughter as you can't go upstairs. It might help the daughter too.

BlueBelle

Thats a bit if a stupid comment Nezumi
Did anyone suggests she didn’t Hoover or wash her clothes... no point in discussing with such a silly reaction

So tell me what you suggest?

What is neighbour giving up in this “compromise”?

Op is allowed to have daily visitors. No need to compromise that

If someone suggested I manage my anxiety by spending more time alone, in the situation that makes me anxious...all to make my mother’s neighbour happy, well, I’d not be talking to them for a while. How cruel.

It would be wrong to suggest the daughter spend time alone at the minute. But surely she can't be happy feeling like that. I would hate to have to go to my mothers every day.
It would be lovely to be able to spend the time in her own house with the boys playing happily with their toys and able to do things on her own.

I would hate to have to go to my mothers every day. It would be lovely to be able to spend the time in her own house with the boys playing happily with their toys and able to do things on her own.

naderturbe You might have hated to visit your mother on a daily basis but, if you read sluttygran's opening post, you'll see that she explained fully as to why her daughter wants to.

So far on this thread, OP has been advised to take her GC elsewhere, stop her GC from visiting altogether, buy her daft neighbour flowers, chocolates, cards and send apologetic letters, tiptoe around her own home in socks/slippers, desist from leading a normal everyday life so that no sound is emitted from her flat, install a portaloo and be prepared to have the police knocking on her door for breaching the COVID guidelines that don't actually apply to her in the first place! Is it April 1st?

A portaloo!!

Actually MisAdventure before I had this house with a downstairs toilet, I had a portaloo/commode so that elderly relatives could visit. It was in the little scullery at the back.

I suppose we didn’t think it was odd because I was brought up in a home without mains drainage and a outhouse for the necessary ?

It is kind of odd when the op lives in a fully plumbed in flat, though, that her daughter likes to visit.

Perhaps they could pitch up a tent somewhere and dig a hole if they need to "go".