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Noisy neighbor - that's me!

(226 Posts)
sluttygran Fri 19-Feb-21 12:46:51

I have just been visited by my neighbour's daughter, who complains that her mother's life is being made a misery by my noisy grandchildren.
My neighbour lives in the flat downstairs to mine, and I have always been very careful to step quietly and not to bang around, because she seems very sensitive. I have had numerous complaints about my washing machine running, and my vacuum cleaner, which is very awkward, as I don't use either unduly.
Anyway its come to head during lockdown as my daughter is in my 'bubble', and brings the DGC to tea most afternoons. They are always gone by 6pm.
My granddaughter age 7 is a very quiet child, but my grandson age 3 is quite boisterous. He doesnt scream or shout, but he runs around a lot and I daresay his little pattering
feet can be heard downstairs.
I am at a loss for what to do - I can't nail him to a chair for the 2-3 hours he's here!
Normally the children would be at school or nursery, but of course Coronavirus has put paid to that. The weather has recently been too awful to take them out very much, and so Nanny's house has become a refuge in the afternoons.
My little grandson has been seriously ill, and the stress of that added to the lockdown and everything has led to DD becoming very anxious and depressed. She gets afraid shut up in her own house, although she's ok when her husband gets home, and she feels happier when she's with me.
I understand that my neighbour doesn't like her afternoon naps disturbed, but I don't know what to do.
I can't turn my back on my family when they need me, neither can I expect a 3 year old to sit quietly all day, but I do understand that my neighbour doesn't like children around.
She's threatening to call the police and has also said some quite bizarre things about my sewing machine running all day. I dont sew, and have nothing running apart from the usual domestic appliances.
I'm tempted to tell her to take a running jump, but she's elderly (as am I!), and besides, her daughter seems very wound up about it all.
What do Gransnetters think?
Is there anything I can do, or should I just be philosophical and let them complain?

nadateturbe Sun 21-Feb-21 17:29:30

Chewbacca I think your last post is a little bit of an exaggeration.
As for my mother, I absolutely loved visiting my mother. I used to grab my keys on an evening on an impulse and off I would go. And spent most Sundays with her.
That's not what I meant by hating having to visit. To have to go every day because you're anxious, rather than stay at home and let the children enjoy playing with their toys while I relaxed, read a book etc, is not normal, or desirable. I actually feel very sorry for the daughter.
And the neighbour is not daft. She has a problem with the noise . Poor woman, I feel sorry for her too. My neighbours go out at the same time every week for two hours and their dog barks the whole time and howls. There is nothing we can do about it, so we never get to enjoy Sunday tea. If restaurants were open we would eat out sometimes. She knows the dog howls. I can tell you it's hard to put up with. as is the thumping up and down wooden stairs and in bedrooms with wooden floors. I would never be so inconsiderate to my neighbours. We all have to care about each other. There should be compromise.

MissAdventure Sun 21-Feb-21 17:31:18

You're right.
The neighbour should go out for a nice long walk every day.

nadateturbe Sun 21-Feb-21 17:31:47

Peasbloosom, I bet many folk have portaloos. They're a much better alternative to commodes.

Peasblossom Sun 21-Feb-21 17:35:48

Perhaps she is elderly and restricted in her movement too?
Perhaps she’s not very well and needs her daytime nap?
We don’t know do we?

Only that she’s finding the daily noisy session unbearable.

Like posters have said, if you live in a flat you must expect a certain level of noise. And if you live in a flat you must accept that you can’t treat it like a detached house and make whatever noise you like.

Not if you care anything about others.

MissAdventure Sun 21-Feb-21 17:39:00

Perhaps her neighbours daughter should take out each day, so she doesn't hear the noise?
These are all the suggestions the the op has had put to her, in some quite abrupt ways.

Peasblossom Sun 21-Feb-21 17:43:55

So the neighbour is driven from her flat everyday by her upstairs neighbour.

That’s not fair either. I’m sure if someone posted to that effect people would say that was unreasonable.

I don’t understand why there shouldn’t be a bit of give and take, understanding and compromise.

I don’t fit into this world of ‘I’ve got my rights”

MissAdventure Sun 21-Feb-21 17:45:40

And the op has been questioned about how many times her girl visits, what for, told to go out, see her daughter less, use a portaloo... grin

Peasblossom Sun 21-Feb-21 17:57:05

Yes, people seem to see it as a matter of extremes.

What happened to tolerance on one side and consideration on the other?

MissAdventure Sun 21-Feb-21 17:58:44

Exactly that. smile

Nezumi65 Sun 21-Feb-21 19:05:26

I agree there should be give and take. But when you are complaining about people having visitors during the day and hoovering and using a washing machine during the day you are doing an awful lot of talking.

You can only give & take with people who understand the world does not revolve around them.

‘Please could you avoid turning on your washing machine before 8am or after 10pm as I am very sound sensitive” = reasonable.

‘I can hear you using your washing machine’ = shrug of shoulders

‘I can hear you using a sewing machine’ = ‘I don’t have a sewing machine so maybe the problem isn’t me’

nadateturbe Sun 21-Feb-21 20:33:53

If I lived in a flat I wouldn't use my washing machine late at night.
Saying the OP has been told to use a portaloo is taking it out of context.
They both need to compromise.

MissAdventure Sun 21-Feb-21 21:48:42

Nobody has said they do.

nadateturbe Sun 21-Feb-21 22:29:35

Thanks * MissAdventure* I misread that.

MissAdventure Sun 21-Feb-21 22:33:16

Do you know what?
I keep having ABBA's 'Waterloo' playing in my head; except it's "Portaloo' now.

Classic Mon 22-Feb-21 00:14:34

Its amazing how much noise does transmit through floorboards and even pipework. When my son lived above me I could constantly hear a buzzing noise, it would keep me awake at night but he kept reassuring me that he didn't have anything running. I went up to investigate myself when at the end of my tether, his computer sat on the floor, a desk top so keyboard and monitor were on table. The fan inside the computer was running and although it had rubber feet, the vibration was making a buzzing noise in the room below. You couldn't hear anything in his room. Three hours a day of a child running round above you can be very grating on the nerves, Sitting watching a movie together, doing drawing, painting, craft work, jigsaws or even just sitting reading them stories will reduce the noise, and also help them learn to concentrate on tasks for a longer at a time, a very good thing for children to learn.

LMW1 Mon 22-Feb-21 10:36:29

Sadly that's what you should consider when moving into a downstairs flat.... Noise upstairs. Your neighbour is the unreasonable one in my opinion ?

MiniMoon Mon 22-Feb-21 10:51:42

I haven't read the entire thread so don't know if this has been mentioned before.
Regarding the sewing machine running day and night, I wonder if your downstairs neighbour suffers from tinnitus.
Could explain some of her complaints.

Tanjamaltija Mon 22-Feb-21 11:12:05

Let the boy run about in socks, in the kitchen, which is presumably over hers (and she does not nap there). Tell the daughter you do not have a sewing machine - she must be hearing vibrations from her own appliances, or maybe she has tinnitus. Does she not use a washing machine, and a vacuum cleaner, herself? Point that out, too.

Theoldwrinkley Mon 22-Feb-21 19:31:47

Do you have wooden/composate floors? Although they look nice and are easy to keep clean etc, they are the devil’s own handiwork when it comes to flats (or in bedrooms upstairs when others are downstairs). We are thinking about downsizing, but the thought of a noisy neighbour upstairs (or any sort of nreighbour with wooden floors....even a mouse) puts me off the idea.
As previous poster remarked, youmay not perceive your family as noisy, but sounds can be magnified so much by flooringor absence of soft furnishings to absorb vibration.

welbeck Mon 22-Feb-21 21:17:16

children should be discouraged from running about indoors.
it is not safe, and it is not considerate. they need to be taught to be aware of others, and of their surroundings.
not everywhere is a playground.

MissAdventure Mon 22-Feb-21 21:25:36

Perhaps the police should arrest them.
A stint in the clink will soon make them realise they have to behave like adults.

highlanddreams Wed 24-Feb-21 10:53:54

Posters on this thread are being rather mean by saying that the downstairs neighbour shouldn't have moved into a ground floor flat! Maybe she needed to be on the ground floor and maybe she didn't even have a choice, being sensitive to noise isn't a life choice and it does affect your mental health, again not a life choice is it so stop being so mean and nasty.

nadateturbe Wed 24-Feb-21 11:55:50

Some good points highlanddreams.
I suffer from noise sensitivity and its not pleasant.
What's wrong with being considerate to each other?

MissAdventure Wed 24-Feb-21 14:29:57

Posters on this thread were rather mean to the op.
Being disabled and needing help isn't a lifestyle choice either.

MaudBoggins Sat 27-Feb-21 16:10:40

Sound advice here
"If you want to keep a good relationship with your neighbour you can try to reach a compromise."