Do people get pleasure from letting others down?

With nearly everyone having a mobile nowadays, you would think that would make it easier for people to text or ring if an appointment or arrangement cannot be kept.
Unfortunately, in some bizarre way I think that exacerbates the problem. Everything is so casual and blasé somehow.

I don't think it's about cutting people some slack or getting worked up about others' shortcomings. It's about not liking being messed around.

The day when I waited in the rain for my friend who was late, I had had a trying day myself, juggling work, house things and so on. I would have preferred to cancel and take it easy, but I went because it was arranged, and I didn't want to let her down.

To be told that she had stopped to try on a dress, knowing that I was waiting for her was the final straw. If it had been a one-off it wouldn't have been so bad, but she was so rarely on time that I just couldn't be bothered with it any more. She seemed to think it was an endearing trait, and that people would understand because she was so busy and it was 'just the way she was', but it didn't occur to her to even think that others had things to do too.

I stopped doing the lunch meetings, and if I meet her for coffee I now just see her there, so if she's late I am warm and dry.

I would hope that those who let others down feel remorse, rather than pleasure, OP but I perfectly understand your annoyance. On a bad day I feel that I spend my life waiting for others to get their backsides into gear.

Some years ago we needed to have a bookcase built in our sitting room.We had several carpenters come to quote, some did and some didn't, and we chose one who did a lovely job. Six months afer it was finished, one of the tradesmen who hadn't quoted rang and asked if he could quote for the job!

It’s beyond me how people think it’s ok to let people down. At the very least call and tell people. It’s rude and selfish to do otherwise, in my book anyway!

Unfortunately, it seems to be a common problem and not only with selling sites and tradesmen. It drives me mad.

I honestly do not think these people get any pleasure from letting us down. I think they just do not realise that we feel let-down!

There have always been those who just did not bother to turn up if you were selling anything. I believe there thinking is, well I decided I didn't want the thing, or didn't want to drive that far, the seller will have realised that that is what happened.

I find this attitude rude too, but there isn't really anything we can do about it.

Tradespeople who say they will come at a certain time and then don't are a different matter, so are firms. I complain to them, if I am kept waiting all day for someone who neither comes nor phones to say he can't.

Quite often towards the end of the time frame they have given me, I phone up and ask whether I still can expect them, and point out that I too have other and better things to do than hang about waiting for them if they are not coming.

I don't know the law in France about quotes for work. In Spain no-one takes them seriously unless the quote has been notarised by the public notary. Then it is binding, so tradesmen don't usually bother responding unless you tell them which notary to send it to.

Could something similar be the case in France?

I wouldn't dream of not being on time for an appointment or, even worse, not turning up at all.
Recently we were having a new patio laid. We contacted a local company, they measured the area,gave us a quote which we accepted and advised us on different types of paving. We made our choice and they went off to order it. Later they contacted us with a start date for the work. We never saw or heard from them again!

there are so many time wasters on facebook marketplace, it's endemic

I am quite laid back and dont assume people are being rude if they are late or dont turn up as long as I get a message I am happy. Life is so stressful and busy for us all so I prefer to cut everyone some slack and hope the same for myself especially during these times when people are under added stress. Life is too short to get worked up about other peoples short comings and as I realise I am far from perfect myself I dont feel inclined to criticise others. As for missed appointments it might be a memory issue!

I hate unreliability and unpunctuality - to me they go hand in hand and show that whoever's doing it thinks that their time is more important than mine.

I've stopped seeing a friend who would routinely leave me standing at our rendezvous place for 10 minutes or longer because she was chatting to a neighbour and 'couldn't get away', or cancel at the last minute because she got a better offer. The final straw was when she arrived 15 minutes late (I was waiting outside in the rain) because she'd seen a dress she lived in a shop window on her way, and stopped to try it on. She seemed to think that this was ok (the dress looked perfect for a function she was attending), and that I was unreasonable to be annoyed.

What's so hard about leaving the house with enough time to get to where you're going, not to stop on the way if there isn't time, and telling a neighbour that you can't chat because you are on your way somewhere? Last minute cancellations are equally selfish, I think. If I have arranged to meet someone and get another invitation I just say sorry, but I can't make it as I'm doing something else.

Life happens sometimes, and cars break down, or people are ill, but nine times out of ten if someone really wants to be on time they can be. It comes down to not putting yourself first all the time.

I agree with everyone, I think a lot of humans are completely thoughtless, self centered, no empathy, rude and several will try anything to get out of paying. It makes me very cross. If I am ever late for an appointment, I will ring to let them know. I wouldn't dream of trying to get out of paying for items.

Unreliability is a trait that I find totally unacceptable and unforgivable. Fortunately all friends and family are in agreement!

Such bad manners. Nothing annoys me more when you are expecting someone to call be it in person or in the phone.

When I advertise on the selling sites I always ask them to let me know if they can’t make it for any reason just a short message will do - so far that seems to have worked

I am so tired of people doing this. To me an appointment, whatever it is, is set in stone. I would only let someone down myself if I was very ill and really could not make it.

It’s not just this type of thing though because generally, in the modern world nowadays, a time is only a rough guide with a half hour, often an hour, either way.

The other thing that has driven me mad over the last couple of years are the ‘no shows.’ It might be party, a quiz night, a trip somewhere and people think it’s okay to just not show up, or cancel at the last minute. As one of those people who put herself out to arrange things for others I’ve just learned that it’s not worth the effort and I’ve stopped. Sadly, it makes the world a more boring place, but I finally woke up to the new ways.

I held an event for some women and fifteen were booked in but only five showed up, it was really embarrassing as I’d booked a top speaker and she was extremely put out. I didn’t hear a word from the no shows.

I miss the old days!

I might add she lifted the box of books into the porch to keep them dry.

This drives me nuts and seems to have got worse and worse. Whether selling stuff or giving it away we have been let down by people over and over again. We've given some really nice things away too, I can't fathom it.

We sold a full set of books to someone. A sought after set that was in good condition. The woman said her DH was ill, not long our of hospital, the books would be great for him to pass the time, so could we please deliver. As I felt sorry for him I agreed. When we got there, we were left on the doorstep, in the pouring rain, while the supposedly bed-bound DH got back from the shop - where he had walked to go get the cash.

I agree with all that’s been said. Also think that so many people are inefficient and have no pride in their job. I may have to have a separate rant about that some time!

I hate time wasters too. Now if I sell, I add a comment "No time wasters please".

You can also say that "if you come by xyz time, it is yours, if you don't ~ it will go to the next person who wants it".

In France I'm getting frustrated with trades people who don't respond to requests for quotes. I need a garage to be built. 4 quote requests sent, no replies. A girl was advertising 2 second hand ceiling fans for sale on Facebook. She is at one end of the country and I'm at the other so I said I wanted the fans, could she post them. No response. Ditto with husband. What is wrong with people? An acknowledgement of a message is just so simple. I find it rude when I get "blanked".

Agree. I try never to let anyone down and I always keep my promises. I wouldn't have peace of mind if I didn't keep my word. Always punctual too but I am aware that that can be annoying as "punctual" to me means always early !

I hate when friends let me down, and it is frequently the end of the friendship. My oldest sister was late for everything and I hated it as I am always punctual. I would more often be early rather than 5 minutes late. Unfortunately tradesmen are frequently unreliable both in timekeeping or worse still just not coming at all. They don't care the stress and upset they cause.

I agree with what everyone has said here, especially on Freecycle.

One of my pet hates ??don’t know why people say their do something then don’t!

Best way to sell is ask for PayPal payment first. Then leave out for collection. You can refund if they're not happy with it.