Diabetes and help from partner

My DH is T2 and is on Metformin, which wasn't really working and I am the chocoholic. I read about a herbal renedy called Curalin and all the reviews were too good to be true. Anyway, I decided to order some just to see. Within 2 days, his BS had gone from 18 to 6 and has remained at that level ever since. It is quite expensive but totally worth it. They sell it onAmazon. The other thing is that I was given a recipe for a treat that works for both of us. Just mix a packet of crushed almonds, a packet of coconut, the inside of a large sweet potato (which lowers blood sugar anyway) and a melted big bar of strong bitter dark chocolate all together. I also add a couple of tablespoons of powdered sweetener. When all mixed, press into a square container and put in the fridge until set. I also spead a little melted chocolate on the top. When set, cut into small squares and put into a container. I make a batch a week for both of us and no longer buy any biscuits, cake or chocolate. A couple of squares a day are very rich and satisfying and DH is fine eating that.

As I’ve stressed, I definitely don’t expect him to restrict himself. He can have anything he wants, and eat it in front of me. No problem. If I was responding to the question that he COULD’VE asked, ie. ‘What can I do to help you?’ I would’ve said, ‘Well, if you could just keep your sugary snacks covered that would be a great help’. He didn’t ask the question so I asked him anyway.

If he didn't hide the treats out of sight then I would do it.You could put them in a tupperware box in the fridge or an airtight tin if they can can be stored out of it. Stick a note on the lid so he knows where they are & that you mean business, keep it up and it will stick eventually. Also when he calls you to look at what he just bought, say something like "if it's sweets & treats no thank you" then don't go and look.

suziewoozie

JaneA

There are many foods 'specially for diabetics, suggest he 'treats' you with one of those.

These are far from unproblematic.

And they're a waste of money. Just learn to read carbohydrate content and eat "normal" food, but probably in smaller portions and avoid anything which is high carb in relation to the nutrition it provides.

Sunflower2
Why' humour' him?
Why not ? some other time dear', or what ever your choice of endearment, then conveniently forget.

And sorry fuseta I won't be trying your herbal remedy or your recipe either.

I know of someone who had to have a toe amputated because of diabetic foot ulcer complications only a few months ago, so it is still a potential problem.. I wonder what makes the husband here “tick”. Is he a fact and figures man, or a “don’t think too much, just do something...? Thinking that through might help you find the most effective way of tackling things. If he is a fact and figures guy, then do finger prick blood tests in front of him so he can see/hear (modern machines give the results audibly) the results, particularly after a “treat”. If he is a headless chicken type, then tell him specifically what you do want as a treat if he feels like getting you one. Otherwise, I like the idea of having a dig at his growing memory problems that his forgetfulness about what treats you are allowed shows. That may be the most effective way of dealing with it, because you are putting the onus on him to demonstrate he is not losing it!

JenJenT

I know of someone who had to have a toe amputated because of diabetic foot ulcer complications only a few months ago, so it is still a potential problem.. I wonder what makes the husband here “tick”. Is he a fact and figures man, or a “don’t think too much, just do something...? Thinking that through might help you find the most effective way of tackling things. If he is a fact and figures guy, then do finger prick blood tests in front of him so he can see/hear (modern machines give the results audibly) the results, particularly after a “treat”. If he is a headless chicken type, then tell him specifically what you do want as a treat if he feels like getting you one. Otherwise, I like the idea of having a dig at his growing memory problems that his forgetfulness about what treats you are allowed shows. That may be the most effective way of dealing with it, because you are putting the onus on him to demonstrate he is not losing it!

Sadly, he’d freely admit to being forgetful!

Santana Fri 26-Mar-21 12:03:10
I think you have plenty of willpower, otherwise your husband's head would be jammed in the freezer with his lemon pie.

Well that made me laugh anyway!

Goodness how insensitive of him. I am the same but cutting sugar due to cancer. We now each have a snack drawer. Give him a special cupboard for all snacks.

I am a sugar addict trying not to eat it so I understand how hard it is if you see it in front of you. I am not sure about showing you everything he had bought. Has he got some reason to undermine you? It seems quite abusive. Is he overweight? Maybe you showing strength of will makes him feel bad about himself or insecure. Perhaps I am off the mark here. Just something to consider. Your health is the most important consideration. Good luck.

grandtanteJE65 Fri 26-Mar-21 11:34:40
My husband is an alcoholic who has taken the decision and done the hard work involved to stop drinking.
......It would worry me, as I would be afraid I was making it more difficult for him to resist temptation.

Thank you. That’s exactly how I would behave if it were him that had diabetes.

Quote Chaitriona Fri 26-Mar-21 13:.....I understand how hard it is if you see it in front of you.
Perhaps I am off the mark here. Just something to consider. Your health is the most important consideration. Good luck.

Thanks. Agree about when it’s in front of you. Maybe there is more going on than I’m aware of.

or chuck out his sweet treats

Very difficult! What about visiting family and friends (when we can) would you ask them not serve anything you couldn’t eat?

Mini2020

Very difficult! What about visiting family and friends (when we can) would you ask them not serve anything you couldn’t eat?

Actually given that in normal times we eat with friends/family pretty often, I had so many requests about DH’s new diet that I sent everyone a leaflet I designed. They were delighted to know the parameters because they love him and want him safe and healthy. I remember saying to one friend how lovely everyone had been and he burst out laughing, reminding me how for decades I’d catered to their Jewish dietary requirements whilst other friends ( one vegetarian, one gluten intolerant) said just the same thing.

Has he always been like this, how long hace you been together?
I have known people who have rfused to take serious conditions seriously, teachers, grandparents, and the like. My own ex husband was uncooperative and was very cross with me because our children had problems with some food, allergy related. On the very rare occasion he shopped and had to read labels, he got angry. It was my fault that the doc had advised that. I wonder if your husband is a bit like hin

My goodness , what a very self centred man he is. I have type 2 diabetes, which has happened over the last couple of years. My lovely husband died 4 years ago and so I am on my own, and have to sort it myself with no support. It is difficult when you get low to stick to the correct diet and I do find that not keeping a lot of forbidden foodstuffs in the house is the best for me. I do keep a little amount of dark chocolate, as I found if I was feeling desperate for something and there was nothing here I would go out to buy something and get more than keeping that small amount to stop me going over the top. We all have our bad times and at the moment I am coping with cancer treatment and moving house, so cannot say I am taking as much notice of my diet given the circumstances. But I can keep the temptations away by not buying them and not having them in the house. My husband was a very supportive person and I could not imagine him behaving in that way. Whether it is total selfishness , that your husband doesnt care how difficult he is making it for you, or he is behaving like a 5 year old "nah nah ne nah nah see what I have got" doesnt matter . He is not only not helping you , he is actively putting you in an unfair situation, which is dangerous in the long term for your health . So , what does he particularly like or dislike. For example , if he dislikes cheese, serve cheese at every meal for a month. If he loves cereal dont buy any and even better put an empty box in the cupboard and throw the contents away. Have a second empty box in the store cupboard so that it looks as though there is a spare there . Say nothing and when he looks and sees there is none there and is either upset or angry you can say "Well now you know what it is like for me and it is not just something you choose not to eat. It is important that you dont eat it for your healths sake. If he sees the point you may be able to work out a system that will work .You could always hit him where it hurts in his wallet, buy another fridge and have a his and hers. Cheaper version is that he gets a cupboard perhaps out in a shed , if he has one, where he can go and gorge if he wants but NOT in front of you. In the end you have to work out a way for you to live safely and comfortably without a lot of stress. You can do without endless arguments and atmosphere to cope with on top of everything else. Do you have any other friends who are diabetic? Try to get together with someone you like , it is no good being together just because you have diabetes. It is finding a friend to enjoy other pleasant things together - going for walks , swimming when we are allowed to do so etc. It takes your mind off all this. You could have simple meals together occasionly knowing that you will be making food that is suitable for you, take turns in making a picnic , so you have a little surprise. something you havent cooked. Just go on your picnic and let your husband make his own meals of whatever he wants when you are out, so long as he does not leave his food in front of you. You only have one life and I feel we are all entitled to enjoy as much as possible of it , so long as we are not causing harm to others . Only you know what is important for you, but having a life of constant stress cannot be a good way to live.

I am sorry you are having to deal with this - and I guess it is likely to be about his feeling of control - or fear of 'giving you control over him'. Not uncommon - not very mature - a kind of unconscious game: "see if you can make me!" In my experience - and is this sexist? - a woman is far less likely to take this stand - and far more likely to say something like "Oh! I am glad you explained that to me. I will put my treats out of sight - if I forget, just remind me." But of course not all women would do that either - just maybe more likely to do it. Many relationships have a 'secret' struggle to establish a happy 'balance of power' - painful, and great if they get beyond it, to somewhere more trusting and mutual.

I sympathise with all of your GN girls who have to maintain a different diet and the inconsiderate action of others! I have Coeliac disease so must avoid gluten, which makes for all kinds of difficulties, not made easy by people who say 'oh a little bit of ..... won't hurt you', or 'how long have you been on that diet?'. The last time my DH and I visited a previous neighbour and old friend who lives 2 hours away, she put out 3 biscuits on a plate for the 4 of us, and said to me 'shame you can't have anything'. I have not visited since, and don't intend to. These things change even the best of friendships and relationships.

Sunflower, the post it notes have been tried and failed, you have talked to him many times and that has failed. Now is the time for action. I would throw it out, go through the fridge or freezer or the shopping bag anything you can see that you have asked him not to buy and have it in sight, chuck it. You will find that actions in this case speak louder than words. It will probably cause a few arguments but I am sure you will not have to do it more than 2 or 3 times. Just say I asked you not to do it and told ou the consequence if you did. Give it a try you have only your health to gain.

I would stop asking. He isn't listening and it is upsetting you. Just put them in bags yourself. It really does get easier the longer you watch your sugar intake.

He is very, very selfish. And cruel.

Mini2020

Very difficult! What about visiting family and friends (when we can) would you ask them not serve anything you couldn’t eat?

Definitely not!

If you're still struggling to come to terms with your VERY NECESSARY DIETARY REQUIREMENTS, then NO - you're NOT being unreasonable. Changing the whole way that you eat is extremely difficult as we get older.

I've been diagnosed as Coeliac (in 2017 at the age of 66) - so understand how hard you are finding it to stick to what you've always been able to freely consume.

Have you been able to share any literature on Diabetes with your partner? He needs to understand that you're going to need all the support that you can get, in order to keep your Diabetes 'on an even keel'.

Could you ask your Diabetes Dietician for some advice to pass on to him?

Good Luck with him