Is this acceptable?

It makes no sense to me dellygran.
What's wrong in celebrating the birthday on the right day and having a little party at home and family gifts and then having a party with friends at a later date.
There's nothing you can do about it, just seems odd to me.
I would have had a word with your son.

it's not your place to have a word with anyone about this.
it is their family.
i am a bit shocked by these kind of attitudes.
unless they are harming the child, you have absolutely no right to comment on their parenting.
as you yourself acknowledged, re monkeys/circuses.
so don't say anything about it to them, else you may find they go even farther away from you.

I think it is odd, though welbeck.
At 7 she will be old enough to understand that she can't have an outing on her actual birthday, especially if lockdown means she has not been attending school.

But I agree that saying nothing is the best policy.
?

It's nothing to do with the Mum being Eastern European, it's just a decision the parents took because they think it's best for their child.

I think "horrified" and "deceiving" is too catastrophic

You are overreacting, big time.

How your bad relationship with your dil has to do with this?

What instead of how, sorry.

I think it's strange that they wouldn't just explain to their DD that the party is delayed due to current circumstances but they will do something to celebrate together at home. It can still be special.

However, they know their DD best and there might be a good reason they have chosen to handle it this way. Maybe the pandemic is having a bad effect on her mental health and they think telling her she can't have her party will make it worse? You'll just have to trust they are using their judgement on this and are making this call for a reason.

I agree with others that your very rigid way of thinking about how things ought to be might partly explain the difficulties with your dil!

A very strange thing to do, but as the child is newly living in a foreign country and possibly does not understand the language she is not aware of the date and the fact it is her birthday.
Nothing at all you can do so don't make an issue of it. At the same time maintain communications and check, in the nicest possible way, that she does eventually celebrate her birthday and receive her presents.

Firstly I am surprised the child hasn’t been doing a countdown to her birthday since Christmas. At that age my eldest granddaughter had worked out her half and quarter birthdays too and reminded everyone ?.
However her parents are probably wanting to save her more disappointment in a very disappointing year so I would just go along with it, even if you don’t agree with it.

A very strange thing to do. 7 year olds usually look forward to birthdays such a lot. Feel a bit sad for GD. As others have said- you must not create any fuss from a distance- won’t do any good. She will get your presents eventually.

You ask two questions are you overreacting? .....YES
What should we do ? ...NOTHING
...maybe she’s a child who takes no notice of what month her waking days are in, whether we are in March, April, or May
A lot of European countries don’t start school till they are 6 or 7 or maybe she s not at school or because of the pandemic and maybe at 7 she has no idea of what month we are in whereas if she was at school they would have the date on the board etc
You seem to have a dislike for your daughter in law so it’s her to blame, but your son is a parent too surely if he didn’t like what they are doing he would have said
It’s not what I d do and seems pretty daft BUT perhaps other friends of theirs out there, are doing the same, who knows but whatever the reason you just have to accept it’s their way and go along with it hopefully the month will soon be up and
she ll play with her new presents
Don’t look for things to hang on the daughter in law

espee how will the child know when her birthday is during lockdown there are no clues really, every day is the same as the last, without looking on my iPad I often haven’t an idea what day or date we are on 7 isn’t very old and some kids are younger than others

Just to correct your misunderstanding, BlueBelle, I said that my relationship with my DiL is 'cordial' not that I dislike her, our GD was kept back from school in Ireland, where the starting age is 5, and at no point have I not included my son in responsibility for this situation.

The facts are in my original post for you to check.

Honestly, a child is excited for the party, candles and presents.

Telling a child "it is your bday" is very meaningless by itself. It is just a day.
It usually has more significance for the parents or other parties than the child.

I think they should have told you in advance.
I also think it is a weird decision. They could have celebrated the birthday at home on the day, and again later when she can have a party. That would be a bonus! But it is up to them. I am glad you have not said anything other than accept the situation, but I agree it is odd.

Dellygran I am sorry that your son and DIL decided not to tell your GC that it was her birthday today. It seems a bit odd that a 7 year old was unaware of when her birthday was. It must have felt disappointing after going to the trouble of getting her the gifts and posting them in time that your son and DIL have chose to not give them to her until a later date,
just a bit miserable on their part perhaps they did not want her to be excited.
You did say in your post you have never had an easy relationship with her but for your GD sake you kept it civil,
I know they have gone overseas now but still keep the relationship civil play it by ear and keep up the phone/video contact as after all you do not want anything to affect that it would be upsetting for you.

Blimey. My youngest knew when her birthday was from the age of three-and-a-lot. Once she was at nursery school she could reel off most of the birthdays of her classmates too.

So I'm a bit surprised a six/seven year old doesn't know.

However, if she doesn't and her parents don't think she can cope with knowing she can't have a party until lockdown lifts, then what they've done seems reasonable.

Does sound a bit weird, but well done for holding your tongue. Why didn't they tell you sooner?

It is acceptable because she isn’t your child, however, you might not like it and it would probably differ from what we would do, but there is nothing you can do about it.

I am amazed that thy can get away with it with a 7 year old! I don't agree with the strategy for lots of reasons beyond just her birthday, but I do think you are right to keep quiet. It is her parents decision

You don't have to have a party. DGS2 has just had his 3rd birthday - second in lockdown. It was just us. I don't believe for a second a seven year old would not know when it was her birthday, DGD knew when her 4th birthday was and talked about it non stop! It seems very bizarre unless they don't celebrate birthdays in her country. Nothing you can do as you say but weird.

And if restrictions are extended..........??

It may backfire on them, but it’s their risk to take. Don’t get involved in any way at all.

Seems to me that, rightly or wrongly in our eyes, they are doing what they think is best for their child.
Our DD has not brought up their children exactly as we would have done, but we love them all just the same.
"Different ships, different splices"

The parents have decided what they want to do and since it's disappointing but not life threatening just play along. Ironically we deceive most of our kids every year with Father Christmas et al - a postponed birthday isn't a great matter because it's you that's disappointed after sending birthday presents in time (well done you) but the child doesn't know?