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AIBU to think this is Cyber Stalking?

(87 Posts)
seastar Thu 08-Apr-21 21:08:43

Just want to run this past you all in case I'm being over sensitive.

The man next door has always been a bit creepy. He watches me when I'm in the garden weeding from behind a curtain in his upstairs window. He'll do this all the time I'm in the garden and it makes me feel uneasy. His wife watches me from behind the front room curtains. They are intensely private and they hate it when someone knows what they are doing. I can't confront them as they have become extremely aggressive in the past and they don't talk to anyone. If they see me they hide until I have gone. My husband died about 2 years ago and the lady next door gave me a big hug but now it has gone back to normal.

I received a message from Linkedin which said that my profile had been looked at. Usually it is people I don't know but yesterday I discovered that it was the bloke next door. I've deleted my profile now. I feel invaded especially as the man is very creepy and watches what I am doing. He has always done this and his wife has always watched from the front. I find it creepy. Am I being over sensitive?

Alioop Fri 09-Apr-21 17:52:01

Give them your biggest smile every time they do it.

scourw Fri 09-Apr-21 18:58:05

My late parents had a bit of a similar problem with a next door neighbour but, fortunately, both houses were bungalows so a higher fence solved their problem. Could you afford a mature(ish) tree to be planted in a strategic place to afford you some privacy from the upstairs prying? Or maybe a gazebo type of thing with fast growing creepers to give you at least a place to sit privately? I hope you find a solution, my mother used to try to laugh it off (called the neighbour the prying mantis) but it did quite distress her.

Katie59 Fri 09-Apr-21 19:20:58

I’m in the cheery wave brigade but it is creepy, sadly there are a lot of seriously weird people, so glad I’m not one of them, at least I don’t think I am.

Forestflame Fri 09-Apr-21 20:08:17

I agree with the people who say you should keep a diary. Also speak to other neighbors and see if they have the same issue. Whatever you do, don't confront them either physically or in writing (you say they have been aggressive in the past). If you do they will know they are upsetting you and it might make things worse.

welbeck Fri 09-Apr-21 21:39:22

could also affect the value of your house if you put anything in writing/complain.
you have to declare any neighbour disputes in particulars of the property.

GagaJo Fri 09-Apr-21 21:50:15

I would get some CCTV put up. If it is linked to upload content to the cloud, you will have a record of it. I'd also get a camera doorbell that you can watch even when you are away from home.

I don't think you can stop them being creepy, but you can make sure all that they do is sneak peaks from behind curtains, and don't actually creep around on your property at night/when you are out.

bikergran Fri 09-Apr-21 21:54:04

Maybe one or two of these placed strategically grin

Sell them in B n M stores/ebay etc

Yorki Sat 10-Apr-21 01:30:36

I had someone living at the back of my house who did that non stop, I hot quite angry about it, and one day I confronted him because he really was an unpleasant character, only he gave me a load of abuse, and then never stopped calling me names whenever I was out in my garden. Only the peeping around curtains and standing in his window staring into my house all the time just got worse, I kept my curtains drawn all the time, and I hated going out into the garden, his greenhouse was built into my boundary fence, so he'd just sit in his greenhouse staring through his glass which was effectively in my garden, I put a six foot fence up which he complained about at it blocked the light in his greenhouse, but legally there was nothing he could do about it, so he'd stalk me just so he could become abusive, his wife then started to join in. I didn't make things any easier because I did used to argue back, but it just added fuel to the fire, in the end I sold up and left, I hated living on tenter hooks all the time, it really freaked me out. This chap had a nasty temper, his wife was no better, but as I said, I couldn't keep quiet and let them walk all over me, they needed to know I knew they were spying on me. They denied it, which was absurd, he was always there staring straight at me, any time day or night, it just didn't stop.. My children were very small at the time too, that's why I moved, it just didn't feel right.

Yorki Sat 10-Apr-21 01:34:54

Brilliant idea.. Biker gran, I'd also get one sticking up 2 fingers, surely these people must know its wrong to behave in such a creep manner. It's not normal behaviour,

Yorki Sat 10-Apr-21 01:36:49

Forest flame.. That's where I went wrong, I Confronted them and it just got worse.

EmilyHarburn Sat 10-Apr-21 18:29:43

just a thought - why not get a male Full Body Mannequin; Body Full Body Tailor Dummies Dummy for Shop Window Display. Dress it in your husband's clothes and stand it up near the fence with a pair of binoculars in its hands apparently looking up at the window. At night swap the binoculars for a torch. Train a CCTV camera on it and record what happens.