Gransnet forums


Facebook and ex issue- anyone else had this?

(34 Posts)
keepingquiet Sun 11-Apr-21 18:53:29

Three years ago my nine year relationship broke up very suddenly. I blocked my ex and his family from my Facebook page and deleted all his photos from my profile.
We have only one remaining friend in common, and she doesn't use Facebook much. I think if I asked she would now unfriend him, but in the early days I think she wanted to keep an eye on him!
However three years later she tells me my photos are still there in his page and I don't know why.
I have no inclination to ask him to remove them but I'm wondering if that is my only option.
Should I ask my friend to do it or should I do it myself?
Can Facebook ask him for me?
I don't want to re-friend him I just feel uncomfortable with my images and my families still being on his page as of we're still an item. It's beginning to bother me more than it did before.

simtib Sun 11-Apr-21 19:39:01

If your ex posted them on his facebook page then only he can remove them. Your friend could report them to facebook but unless they break their rules they are unlikely to do anything.

Jaxjacky Sun 11-Apr-21 20:19:09

Many moons ago when we had actual photos he could have kept any of you, shown them to his friends etc, it’s not really any different.

keepingquiet Sun 11-Apr-21 22:32:52

Maybe I'm making something out of nothing then. It isn't worth contacting him to tell him to take them down, just came as a shock to know he hasn't bothered after three years. He always was lazy, lol! More important things to spend my thoughts on.

cornishpatsy Sun 11-Apr-21 22:48:32

You were part of his past and most people have photos of their past on Facebook. He has probably forgotten about them or just does not see an issue with them being there.

lemsip Sun 11-Apr-21 23:36:47

tell your friend that your not interested so not to tell you things about him

NotSpaghetti Sun 11-Apr-21 23:50:13

I don’t know Facebook but can you ask them that you aren’t “tagged” I wonder?
The photos will still be there though I assume.

simtib Mon 12-Apr-21 07:48:04

Never try and erase history, just learn from it, so you don't make the same mistakes again.

Katie59 Mon 12-Apr-21 07:53:23

If it was me I would contact him directly and ask him to remove them, don’t make a drama of it he either will or won’t.

Madwoman11 Mon 12-Apr-21 08:11:55

Once something is posted on Facebook either by you or someone else it no longer belongs to that person as such. Once on the internet always on the internet.
Please don't let this upset you.
Facebook can be a nightmare and be very upsetting. If it was me I would rise above it, hold my head up, and think well I'm well shut of him but he obviously hasn't got over me.

keepingquiet Mon 12-Apr-21 08:52:13

I have too much time on my hands lol! I suppose I should be flattered, although he made it clear he no longer wanted me in his life and made no attempt to contact me afterwards. Maybe he's constructed a fantasy life where nothing is real, including those photos!
I should just let this one go.

Polarbear2 Mon 12-Apr-21 08:58:40

He probably can’t be bothered. He’s a bloke. Men don’t think like us. He might not even know how to remove them. Let it go.

Nonogran Mon 12-Apr-21 09:43:53

Yep! Let it go. Life's too short & lockdown is easing. Get busy & put it away at the back of your mind. Move on.

Caro57 Mon 12-Apr-21 10:34:37

Definitely not worth contacting him over - unless you really want an excuse to open up communication again

ElaineI Mon 12-Apr-21 10:41:25

If he took and posted them you can't do anything but if they are yours then go to privacy settings and change them all to private - it takes a while but worth it. Then they would probably disappear on his page. You can make a list of trusted friends to see photos but that is more complicated and unless you are good at technology maybe not worth it. You can report them by clicking on ... at right side of post but unless they are obscene then they probably do anything.

Rowsie Mon 12-Apr-21 10:43:35

Your relationship did happen and you can't rewrite history. You may not want to have photos of him but maybe he likes to have pictures of you to remember your time together. As someone above said, if he had actual photos you wouldn't be able to insist he threw them away. Life is too short and this is really not worth worrying about.

jaylucy Mon 12-Apr-21 10:59:02

It's none of your business now, what he has on his Facebook page, just as it is none of your business if he still has physical photos of you in an album in his house.
As long as there are no derogatory comments about you attached to the photos on his page, just forget about it. Silly of your "friend " to tell you they were still there, if she knows how you feel about your ex.
Very telling tales out of school . Quite frankly, I wonder if this person is the friend you think they are !

TrendyNannie6 Mon 12-Apr-21 11:08:28

Why are you that bothered, you are not with him anymore, he can have whatever he wants to have on his page can’t he the same as you can, I seriously wouldn’t worry about it, I wouldn’t be contacting him either, it’s over for a reason

bear1 Mon 12-Apr-21 11:22:17

i divorced my ex 13 years ago and i never unfriended him from facebook he still sometimes makes comments on anything i post so he must still look at my page i just delete his comments it doesnt bother me i also know he still has a few photos of us and me on his page in his photos again doesnt worry me

ExaltedWombat Mon 12-Apr-21 11:28:08

Perhaps he doesn't want to erase you from his life history and memories. Why should he?

Battersea1971 Mon 12-Apr-21 11:37:38

I dont think its worth bothering about and I wouldnt contact him. Lots of people have photos from their past on there, it doesnt mean anything, probably doesnt know how to remove them, i wouldnt read too much into it.

icanhandthemback Mon 12-Apr-21 11:51:26

If your ex had photos of you kept in a memory box, it wouldn't particularly worry you, would it? Think of it as being a little bit like that. Unless you are being displayed in an abusive way, Facebook are unlikely to act.

GoldenAge Mon 12-Apr-21 12:02:18

keepingquiet - you're wasting your time and energy worrying about this. You can't control what other people do and you can't obliterate the past. Focus on the here and now, and what you want to do with your life going forward, and just as a piece of advice, be careful what you yourself post on fb because at some point in the future you might be unhappy about that. Sure you may be able to take down, but you can't make others do that. I have a friend who's asked me several times to defriend her now ex-husband because it 'upsets' her to think I can see into his new life without her and that he can see into mine that might have clues about her - really?? 'Getting a grip' is a phrase that comes to mind here and I have used it with her.

Treetops05 Mon 12-Apr-21 12:10:11

If you rely on Facebook you'll get nowhere I'm afraid. I have someone who uses a picture of my home as her profile picture and accepts compliments on how lovely 'her' house is! Facebook will do absolutely nothing, and she refuses too. Good luck x

keepingquiet Mon 12-Apr-21 13:28:10

Haha Treetops05, hope you don't mind it made me laugh! People are shallow.
Polarbear2 nailed it. He never had much going on in his head and I certainly don't want him in mine!
Thanks all.