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AIBU

AIBU - Friend borrowing car

(215 Posts)
PinkCosmos Wed 21-Apr-21 16:25:32

At present we have a 'spare' car. We are friendly with a couple who had two cars but chose to get rid of one of them. This was OK until the H started working shifts and weekends.

Since then the wife has been asking to borrow our spare car on a regular basis - to go shopping, to go to the doctors etc.

She always asks my husband if she can borrow it as he is soft and never says no

I probably would also be too soft to say no if she asked me.

However, I am finding it a bit annoying that we are, in effect, providing her with a free car whilst we pay road tax and insurance.

Her husband is adamant that they are not getting another car.

I don't want to fall out with them as they are good friends and we have helped one another out in the past.

However, this has been going on for a couple of months now and I think she is being a bit cheeky.

How do I handle this without falling out with her.

welbeck Thu 29-Apr-21 17:45:13

they are cheeky pluckers.
and you/husband are enabling them.

alchemilla Thu 29-Apr-21 14:36:09

Sorry, but I'm flabbergasted people who drive do not know what comprehensive and third party and SORN are. Or, when lending cars, not to check who is covered for what (or even if they have current driving licences).

ExD Thu 29-Apr-21 08:21:56

Of course we have to remember it's the OP's husband who's happily loaning out his son'ss car.

Yorki Wed 28-Apr-21 21:06:50

I would tell them that the tax and insurance is coming up for payment, and as the car is not number one priority right now, it might be off the road for a while. Hopefully they'll either get another car or learn to do without. Personally I think they're taking the Mickey. This would make me feel quite angry. Or say you think there's something wrong with it, so until you've had it looked at it's staying put. You don't owe them an explanation. Or just say " no".

ExD Wed 28-Apr-21 20:38:38

Sorry, your husband is WRONG.
She cannot have 3rd party insurance unless she is insuring a car herself. And as she hasn't got a car to insure ......
She can't use your husband's insurance, she cannot use her own husband's insurance, she cannot use your son's insurance, unless they have named her as an extra driver or have insured the car for 'any' driver.
If she has an accident and someone is hurt or killed she (or the car owner) will be looking for thousands in compensation.
Pick up the phone and ring your insurance company. Please!

FarNorth Wed 28-Apr-21 18:19:54

I spoke to my H about the insurance situation and he says he thinks she is OK to drive it as a third party. I could not convince him otherwise.

He actually has no idea if she's insured or not, does he.

You could both be in legal trouble if she has an accident with your car, or if the police happen to check on her.

FarNorth Wed 28-Apr-21 18:16:10

www.webuyanycar.com/

Get straight on it to sell, or keep being a wimp who is probably committing an offence re insurance.
Your choice.

Lollin Wed 28-Apr-21 09:21:33

pinkcosmos brilliant how you cancelled out the BBQ. Good that your husband told them you plan to sell the car. My local garage offered to buy our old clapped out car for his son’s daughter who was learning too drive. This made it easy for us as he had been servicing the car for years so knew its faults. Another thought on the insurance is to phone the insurance company and ask if it is covered for a neighbour to drive with your permission, then you will know for sure. As others have said Sorn it (then tell your husband!) or as has been suggested I like the idea of hiding the keys !

CafeAuLait Wed 28-Apr-21 09:02:32

You sound like lovely and generous people but you do need to protect yourself. If she is a real friend, she will understand. I once had a friend ask me to drive her somewhere with her baby tucked under the dashboard. It was hard, because I didn't want to upset my friend, but I said no for a host of reasons. It didn't spoil our friendship but did feel awkward at the time. It had to be refused though.

monk08 Wed 28-Apr-21 09:02:08

Hide the car keys then your husband can't lend it her simples.

nokkie Wed 28-Apr-21 08:03:36

I can only confirm what others have said. You are leaving yourself very vulnerable if this person has an accident. Accidents just happen - someone could run into her and then not stop! Who pays for the damage? She would need to be insured fully comp for the insurance to do this. If she is driving on her insurance she is only covered third party to use yours. Has she even got insurance now she doesn't have a car? If she is a named driver on her husband's insurance she is not necessarily insured at all to drive your car. Unless of course, your car is insured for any driver. You and your husband sound like a very nice couple but you need to consider 'worse case sinario' and you are not doing this.

welbeck Tue 27-Apr-21 23:59:21

why not ask to see her insurance docs.
if she is not covered to drive your car, then you as the keeper, as well as her as the driver, would be committing offences.
there is also civil liability.
your husband sounds very laissez-faire.
and you sound rather passive.
you don't have to be confrontational.
just set the tone for how you will be dealt with.
generally people take you at your own estimation.
if you act like a walk-over, that is what will happen.
why do you need the company of an opinionated, bossy person who makes you eat cakes you don't want ?

SuzieHi Tue 27-Apr-21 13:48:02

If you’ve no need of it at present- and don’t want to sell- stop paying road tax
Problem solved.

MayBee70 Tue 27-Apr-21 13:44:23

MerylStreep

MayBee70
Don’t twist my explanation. Nowhere have I said that it’s
ok for everyone to car share
I could explain further but that would only fuel you to twist my explanation further.

I don’t see what relevance it has regarding the OP’s problem. Or why you had to come down heavy on Maremia for just pointing out something that the OP could use as a valid reason for not loaning out the car. I assume you are in a bubble with your neighbour whereas the OP isn’t in a bubble with the woman who borrows her car. Government guidelines are to not car share with someone unless it’s necessary which both Maremia and I felt needed pointing out.

PinkCosmos Tue 27-Apr-21 13:34:31

Hithere

OP

Do you like this person as a friend?

Yes. She can be quite opinionated and forceful though (bossy if you want!).

She doesn't suffer fools gladly, which is ironic given the situation.

We have helped them out quite a bit in the past e.g. dog sitting, giving them stuff.

She likes baking so we gets quite a few cakes - which we don't really want as we are supposed to be trying to lose weight!

Our husbands get on well and socialise together.

MerylStreep Tue 27-Apr-21 13:32:57

MayBee70
Don’t twist my explanation. Nowhere have I said that it’s
ok for everyone to car share
I could explain further but that would only fuel you to twist my explanation further.

ElaineI Tue 27-Apr-21 13:30:18

You can take your neighbour to the doctor as it sounds like a caring duty. Also fix her remote but stay 2m apart and both wear masks. In a car windows open, wear masks and if possible sit her in the back.
Regarding the car and insurance have already said this - what if she killed someone?

Hithere Tue 27-Apr-21 13:15:01

OP

Do you like this person as a friend?

MayBee70 Tue 27-Apr-21 13:08:37

MerylStreep

Maremia

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

Maremia
I would appreciate any ideas you have on how I get my neighbour to the Doctors.
Also, any ideas on how I can ‘remotely’ sort out her tv remote control that she has messed up. That’s a big ask without going into her house. And the ‘ problems’ go on and on.

So it’s ok for everybody to car share even though it’s a known cause of infection?

suziewoozie Tue 27-Apr-21 12:11:35

Just to be clear OP insurance is not just about the value of your car but the value of the car and more importantly the life of the person a driver of your car may crash into. I’m shocked that people don’t think about this and they can get to our age without understanding a basic aspect of motoring law and their responsibilities towards others.

Shandy57 Tue 27-Apr-21 11:37:08

Fantastic, that's great your H said it to both of them, I am sure a new learner driver will be delighted to buy it.

MerylStreep Tue 27-Apr-21 11:35:35

Maremia

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

Maremia
I would appreciate any ideas you have on how I get my neighbour to the Doctors.
Also, any ideas on how I can ‘remotely’ sort out her tv remote control that she has messed up. That’s a big ask without going into her house. And the ‘ problems’ go on and on.

PinkCosmos Tue 27-Apr-21 11:13:01

Update

Last Friday I came home and the friend (lets call her X) had borrowed the car again. She had asked my H not me.

When she brought it back the day after she had put petrol in it.

I spoke to my H about the insurance situation and he says he thinks she is OK to drive it as a third party. I could not convince him otherwise.

I said 'What if she has an accident'. He said, 'Well the car has little value so I'm not bothered'. Not a good answer.

I said she was being cheeky and he said 'Well maybe we should sell the car' - though when this is likely to happen, goodness knows.

We saw X and her H over the weekend at a BBQ. X seems to think that her BBQ invites are fair exchange for borrowing the car. She more or less said this directly. We also had them over for a BBQ this weekend, so that cancels that theory out, in my opinion.

H mentioned, whilst she was there with her H, that we were going to sell the car. She made no offer to buy it. I think this is because she knows there is an electrical fault that could cost money to fix.

As I said previously, I am very non-confrontational, and wouldn't want to lose X's friendship as, apart from the car thing, we get on quite well.

Hopefully, the car will be going up for sale soon.

Thanks for all of the advice, I really appreciate it and all the time you have all taken to respond.

PinkCosmos Tue 27-Apr-21 11:00:36

123kitty

In this situation my DH would also have loaned out the car and I can imagine him saying 'any time you need it' to a neighbour, so it's his fault not hers if she takes him at his word. I think you need to sort this out with your DH.

This is exactly what my husband is like.

MayBee70 Mon 26-Apr-21 23:33:35

Maremia

Haven't read all the posts, sorry, but has anyone mentioned Covid and car sharing???

My neighbour, who is far more relaxed about covid than I am told me that friend of his is on SAGE and told him that car sharing is a major cause of infection. And a friend of mine, again someone that doesn’t worry as much as I do had a holiday with a friend. They both had to travel from Devon to the Lake District but agreed to travel in separate cars.