to think that my DIL uses too many cleaning products?

Don't say a word. You are basically accusing her of poisoning her child. Babies have survived much worse!

flopen it’s not unreasonable to think your daughter-in-law uses too many cleaning sprays etc., but I really don’t think you would be doing yourself any favours by saying so.

If I was in your shoes and genuinely concerned I might send my DIL a bunch of flowers and a card saying what a great mum she is and follow it up with a gift of natural cleaning products with an accompanying note saying you admire how clean she keeps her home.

My late husband had COPD, I couldn't use any kind of spray at all, and had to be careful of anything that could irritate his lungs - smelly candles especially.

I guess I have to ask the OP how she would feel if her DIL came to her house and started criticising how she did things, perhaps said it was smelly and brought a can of air freshener to spray around? Or made remarks about how the OP has brought up her children in the past, saying she can see how the OP got it wrong.

I really don’t think being a grandma gives you a right to interfere and suggest how DIL should care for her family.
I think even bringing a couple of cleaning products could really sour things badly.

I wouldn’t do it with my daughter, let alone a DIL Dangerous ground.

Is the spray cleaning covid related flopen we have been bombarded with ads telling us to clean everything in sight. I share your concern as I used a well known spray in our shower cubicle and literally couldn't catch my breath

That could well be the case with Covid around sodapop

Lovelycuppa nailed it

Good god, don’t be that MIL, don’t say anything at all!

say it helps circulation if you open the windows or do it discretely

Not up to you really, but if she were a DIL who didn’t clean the house, that would be a different problem.

the problem of getting DS not to regard his wife as a housemaid maybe ?

If you want stay welcome in their home, say nothing. She might be doing as her mother does regards cleaning. If the baby becomes wheezy or develops a rash, that would be the time to suggest the products might be the cause and to open a few windows.

Spray cleaners really get on my chest so I understand the OP’s concerns. Still best not to say anything, though. Or maybe gently point out less harsh things saying ‘have you tried this, I’ve just discovered it’. My latest discoveries are dish wash soap, which can be used for all sorts of things, and Castile soap.And magic rubbers. I also did a bit of cleaning with some Dettox wipes the other day. I’ve tried not to use them recently but we had some to clean door handles etc because of covid. I cleaned the phone with one, having cleaned something else and wanting to get lots of use out of it. I then heard a voice saying ‘which emergency service do you require?’. I must have clicked on 111 or something. I had to embarrassingly explain that I was just cleaning the phone and I was terribly sorry. If I hadn’t heard the voice I might have eventually had a police car outside! Cleaning is not without its dangers....

welbeck

Not up to you really, but if she were a DIL who didn’t clean the house, that would be a different problem.

the problem of getting DS not to regard his wife as a housemaid maybe ?

Nothing to do with DS regarding her as a housemaid. Instead of being concerned about what cleaning sprays were being used, the OP might find it of more concern if DIL didn’t do much cleaning at all. And yes, hopefully the son does his fair share of the housework.

The OP is concerned about the possible risk to her grandchild's health and I don't consider that to be a trivial matter that she should not concern herself about. I am quite sure that had she said her daughter in law was smoking near the child instead of spraying chemicals a lot of people would have a very different stance.

I think spraying lots of chemical products around is harmful but it would be quite difficult to say something without causing some resentment. I am not sure how I would deal with it but perhaps the suggestion Smileless made might help.

Smileless2012

I would follow Callistemon's suggestion and get your d.i.l. one or two natural cleaning products, saying how good you've found them, and perhaps she'd like to give them a go.

I am not sure how I would deal with it but perhaps the suggestion Smileless made might help

Do you mean my suggestion about the natural products, Eloethan?

I don't mind, I'm used to being ignored!
?

I couldn’t help but smile - one of my d.I.ls is constantly spraying air freshener, when I visit. I wonder what she’s trying to tell me ??

This thread is a perfect example how mil-dil conflicts are created

Dil cleans with non mil approved products - lose situation
Dil doesnt clean enough- lose situation
Dil cannot win.

If your opinion has not been requested, it is extremely highly recommended to stay quiet.

Bringing other products for dil to try, opening the window, sneezing while she is cleaning.... perfect passive aggressive moves that creates conflict for the "sake of the gc"

Another solution - mil visits outside the house so the products do not bother her

Win win for everybody!

If you want to continue ‘getting on well’ with your DIL you will say nothing. If you are sensitive to chemicals then say so, and ask that she wait to clean when you aren’t around if she doesn’t mind. But that is your sensitivity to handle, and without knowing what she was using, it’s absolutely not for anyone to judge. She has a Pediatrician surely? They will tell her what is unsafe around the baby.

Bringing other products for dil to try
passive aggressive
Really? If the house was dirty then it could be seen as that but she's not. She likes cleaning.

But perhaps not then.

I have no idea what cleaning products my DIL uses but she obviously does. I've never offered her any ?

Unless DIL indicated she wanted to try new cleaning products, bringing someone cleaning products is always passive aggressive.

It doesn’t matter what you think! It has nothing to do with you.I have learnt over the past 23 years of having grandchildren to never say a word about Mothering,unless asked.It has served me well,I have brilliant relationships with all my children.

Best advice, keep it zipped if you want a relationship with your DIL.
DD works for the trade association that oversees safety and regulations of household and industrial detergents and she assures me that shops would not be permitted to sell the products if they were injurious to health.

Keep quiet. If my mil had said anything like that I would be furious. If you say something it will damage your relationship with her.

I agree with you. My DH has chronic lung problems (industrial illness), he has never smoked and looked after himself, however, he does have an element of OCD and loves cleaning, lucky for me in some ways but he uses spray polish. I am constantly telling him he should not be using it, he always moans about his breathing afterwards but will not stop polishing! I don’t like the spray in the atmosphere and don’t want to breathe it in either. I certainly didn’t use them around my children as I didn’t want them to breathe it in.

Perhaps you could find some information to show her and say how interesting you found it?

She probably follows Mrs Hinch She also sprays all sorts round her home, loving the very potent smells, I don’t think you can really say anything, her house, her rules, it’s not your business,