to think that my DIL uses too many cleaning products?

My daughter is always spraying work surfaces with Dettox and it really makes me catch my breath even though I don’t have asthma or any breathing issues.

Yeah, tough one Flopen. As many have pointed out.

However, I feel you should pursue the matter. The little person's health and wellbeing is too important to let it go. At the other end of the seesaw, your friendship with DIL is too important for fornicate it up with a clumsy go at getting your point across. Is that fair enough?

How about waiting until a neutral time? Say when DIL and you sit together chatting over a cup of coffee?

At which point you raise the subject of the effect of household products on say . . . Now, I don't know where your DIL's interests lie. Global warming and health are both popular subjects, so how about starting with her ideas on global warming, making sure you listen more than you talk, and then work round to household sprays and health making sure once again that you listen more than you talk.

Now, the tricky point for me is err um . . .
As a Newby, I'm not too sure how to put this, but are you completely sure that the way you said what you said in your letter is more likely to make hate than love.?

Will others dig me out the hole I've just dug for myself please?

A friend who is a health visitor found a young mum spraying an "air freshener" at fixed intervals, placed deliberately close to her baby's cot because she believed the rubbish that persuasive advertising companies peddle. She actually thought it contained fresh air.
New parents are so desperate to do what they think is right, but sometimes at the cost of commonsense. In the position of a health professional it is easy to explain and advise gently, but praise for trying to do the best.
As a mother in law it's more tricky but I think some of the non-judgemental suggestions like sensitively sharing magazine articles or free products containing less toxic materials is a useful strategy.
In the circumstances I would be very afraid for my grandson breathing in spray fumes too. I wouldn't take my grandchildren for a nice day out to a chemical factory! Sorry, that probably sounds harsh but I hate the manipulative way such things are foisted on people by unscrupulous advertising agencies.
Also some of the ingredients are banned in some parts of the world, with good reason. As for the smells of "essence of silly made up name", they are only safe in the advertiser's dream-land and profit margins. I think your concern is very sensible and kindly meant, I wish you luck and a continued good relationship. ?

Studies have shown links between cleaning products (especially spray and scented ones) and an increased likelihood of asthma and allergies. Asthma can be a very serious ( indeed life-threatening) condition and anything which can minimise the chance of developing it is worth looking into.
Would your DiL be angry to find out later (especially if your GC develops asthma/allergies) that you knew this and didn't say anything? She may be completely unaware of any potential issue and assume products just wouldn't be available if they were harmful in any way.
The trick is to work out how to mention it tactfully.
You could maybe say you were reading posts on a forum and it mentioned this and you hadn't realised it could be a problem and you wish the internet was around when you were first a mum etc......
Some products advertise themselves as safe for use around children and there are some sites that suggest using vinegar, bicarbonate of soda etc. I don't know what the best advice is - maybe you and your DiL could research that together?
If she really wants to use some specific product, maybe you could take the baby for a walk while she does so and she could open all the windows for a while to reduce any risk.

Galaxy

I think the best advice would be to provide all this amazing cleaning advice to the son. I am sure he would be interested.

My favourite comment of the day. Thank you Galaxy

Kimrus

I am a convert to everything natural and never once thought about how I was using chemicals around my family or my animals. I was invited along to an afternoon chat with a group of women and a lovely lady introduced us to doTerra oils. Witch Dr stuff my hubby would say. Well after listening and thought geez, I could try this stuff. My go to for cleaning is peppermint oil, vinegar and pure water. Love love love. My visitors always notice when they come into my house now and comment about the fresh smell. I now make all my DIY products, laundry detergent, dishwasher cleaner, shampoo, soap, you name it I make it. It actually works out cheaper than buying all the chemical stuff. We have terrible problems with the horse fly here. They truly bite and my animals hate them too. I make my own spray for them, all natural.
Suggestion flopen, have an afternoon tea or morning tea and invite a rep from an oil company to give a little chat. This way it isnt stepping on your DIL’s toes but offering an alternative, but please don’t tell her how to clean, it sure will be the worse thing you could say to your DILand friendship would be ruined. If you need more info, would only be too happy to assist you

Are you really pushing your MLM here?? That’s well done.

I can’t stand oils. I’d have a migraine in your house.

EO are not magic cures. Do some research into how DoTerra came about. Fascinating business history to prey on young Mormon wives.

flopen

fair enough. Obviously I'm the only person concerned about the effects of chemicals on a baby's neurological system. How awful of me to be concerned about their health.

I am sorry I must disagree with posters who say do nothing. I am a qualified Health and Safety Adviser now retired. I complain when in a restaurant and someone is cleaning a table near me with a spray and when in the office I complained if someone sprayed perfume near me. There was a case where a hotel receptionist was so badly affected by cleaning near him that he could never wear any chemical products such as after shave etc. This small child should never have these products used near the child where he can inhale them. Polluting chemicals can cause Asthma and other respiratory illnesses. There were cases of school cooks getting Occupational Asthma from inhaling flour dust from cooking in large quantities.

I can undestand that you don't want to interfere but would your DIL understand that if you mix certain cleaning products it produces dangerous fumes that would certainly be harmful, especially to a baby whose lungs are not fully developed. If she is happy constantly cleaning everything, perhaps she could look at using natural products (lemon juice, vinegar, bicarb, etc.) There will be books on the subject on Amazon. She's probably a fan of the famous cleaning lady on the internet (Mrs. H) who spends hours each day cleaning. Cleaning what exactly? If the house has been cleaned top to bottom on day 1, is it really dirty by day 2? That smacks of OCD to me.

I'm with Bluebelle on this. Don't go looking for trouble. Would you have appreciated your mother in law commenting on the way you do things? Just go and enjoy your grandson

To be clear I don’t use aerosols, and agree it’s best if this is not the case.... but you need to tread carefully or you won’t be available to have any impact on your grandchild’s health. So gently gently

You are missing the point!! It is none of your business how anyone rubs their home. We all have an opinion on what we believe we are the experts on.... but will not show ourselves up in areas where we are not sure! Relationships need to be just as healthy as the atmosphere, if any single one is toxic... its not good

I totally agree with you, I feel she only asked for opinions that agreed, and while I do agree less chemicals is best, she’s not happy we are telling her to “butt out” ?

What a sensible reply. I hope she listens

Flopen, you are obviously a thoughtful person and aware of the dangers of 'interfering' with offsprings' choices, ways of living etc. But you are witnessing potential damage to a child's lungs and development. A tricky situation indeed.
I have 2 SILs now both over 50 and have bent over backwards to curb my inclination to criticise. I have, however, expressed my concern twice. The first time I told a daughter how upset I was to see how SIL praised one sibling profusely and berated the other constantly (with less footer ability). I was almost in tears. Daughter one spoke to her husband and I think he took note, but I left them to sort it.
The second time I took the opportunity of a quiet word to chat with other SIL when we were walking round a NT garden. I asked him what attitude he took to teenagers alcohol consumption and we managed to keep the conversation friendly. That was that.
But cleaning sprays and babies is certainly a tricky subject. Surely health has got to be the priority here. A baby has no choice but to breathe in the pollutants. Our lungs need clean air to thrive. As a retired respiratory nurse I've seen people struggle to breathe in later life and I urge those of you who may not have spent long looking up this subject to learn the facts and have a rethink. That doesn't mean I know the answer, I'm only trying to emphasis what an important issue this is. Good luck Flopen, if you are still with us.
Gently, gently, as we all go...there is no easy solution to so many of our dilemmas. I don't know the personalities involved. Some people 'listen' and some just get offended. I've learnt to listen more as I've aged, but used to judge without learning enough.

I notice you refer to 'the baby' and 'your grandson' and also sniffily remark that you are the only one concerned for his welfare. He is HER baby and I think you need to step back and be less judgemental.

Thanks, Welbeck I,m glad I made you smile, it was the truth though. I was lucky DH saw right through her I think he always had and took my part .

Nearly everytime you switch on to commercial TV channels there is an advert showing spray cleaners for this and that.
The main thing will probably be a spray that cleans and disinfects and as a new mum, she thinks and maybe has been advised to use products like this as they are quick, easy and do the job.
I would say that you could always quietly suggest an alternative, which might be fine for a DD but I would certainly keep schtum, unless she asks for advice or she will see your "helpful suggestions" as criticism/

Danma

OMG

I can’t believe people are saying the grandchild’s health is none of the OP’s business

This, absolutely. It is a very difficult situation and I am not sure how OP could approach it. But those products ARE harmful to lungs and perhaps worse- especially for young lungs.

If the DIL smoked inside all day long, would it be wrong to be concerned? If the child develops asthma and any neurological issues- would the OP ever feel that she failed in protecting her GC. I too am amazed at some of the comments here.

Please give a thought to the asthmatics amongst us. My OH cleans the bathrooms because the cleaning products make me wheeze badly. My lungs cannot cope with air fresheners and other chemicals.

Before covid there was a report about babies suffering from exhaust fumes because in the pushchairs they are at about the same level as an exhaust pipe. Chemicals are produced in the exhaust - chemicals are in cleaning products (not the same ones). Children living near busy roads are more likely to suffer from asthma.

There is a theory - the hygiene hypothesis - that suggests that children growing up in large families, in less hygienic conditions are less likely to suffer from allergies and asthma.

I've no idea what the OP can do about her DIL's cleaning but she has reason to be worried about the baby's lungs.

Some of the comments begger belief! Obviously the lady is concerned for her baby grandson. People make it sound as though you should turn the other cheek when in fact it could cause harm. I too am shocked at the amount of chemicals ypunger women seem to be using now. The mrs hinch followers seem to have made it fashionable . I thought the younger generation were concerned for the planet. Im sure you u could find a roundabout way of mentioning our concern i certainly would

I can only say MYOB!

I use Koh , no odour and cleans with no effort. Could you purchase a bottle of something less "volatile", show it to her say "oh, have you tried this, it's brilliant". Just a suggestion, I would also be concerned about strong smelling products.

I once told my MIL windows are for looking through not at.

Method stuff is good and she is probably worried that the baby will get ill if the place isn’t spotless .

That’s nothing Torre. When my MiL was staying and we had unexpected visitors she’d rush and clean the toilet!!