to think that my DIL uses too many cleaning products?

Maybe now that summer’s coming you could ask if it would be ok to open the window or door as you’re feeling hot? Cleaning products are subject to certain regulations so may not be as harmful as you think. Also it’s her child and her home. You don’t want to jeopardise the lovely times you spend together. My MIL was so outspoken that every visit was a strain for me and as a result I never looked forward to her visits.

Callistemon

^vile day^ ???
Yes, cleaning day certainly is.

I've lost my Vileda mop - I think DH has cleaned out the garden pond with it.

I keep old ones for unblocking things then throw them away. And I have special ones for cleaning walls and ceilings of cobwebs. The possibilities are endless with supermops.

flopen

fair enough. Obviously I'm the only person concerned about the effects of chemicals on a baby's neurological system. How awful of me to be concerned about their health.

The insinuation of the lack of concern from your DIL towards her own child in this comment is enraging. This child is her baby - not yours, her baby.

If you value your relationship please don’t approach this topic - the implication that you’re the only one that cares and that you know best is the type of thing that can cause a rift.

Lolo81 Your interpretation of the OP's post is debatable. I don't think she is suggesting her daughter in law doesn't care about the health of her baby, I think she feels that many posters on here are unduly critical of the OP's concerns. The open hasn't been critical of her daughter in law. Indeed, she said that they get on well. She is just concerned and asked people's opinions as to whether to mention it and, if so, how to do so tactfully.

There have been many pieces of reputable research which have warned against the use of chemical cleaning products, and, in particular, spray products. Some researchers have suggested that the damage to a person's lungs can be equivalent to smoking several cigarettes a day.

I repeat that other posts where the issue of smoking anywhere in the vicinity of babies and children, or even adults, has been raised, there has been outrage and condemnation of the practice.

Eloethan

Lolo81 Your interpretation of the OP's post is debatable. I don't think she is suggesting her daughter in law doesn't care about the health of her baby, I think she feels that many posters on here are unduly critical of the OP's concerns. The open hasn't been critical of her daughter in law. Indeed, she said that they get on well. She is just concerned and asked people's opinions as to whether to mention it and, if so, how to do so tactfully.

There have been many pieces of reputable research which have warned against the use of chemical cleaning products, and, in particular, spray products. Some researchers have suggested that the damage to a person's lungs can be equivalent to smoking several cigarettes a day.

I repeat that other posts where the issue of smoking anywhere in the vicinity of babies and children, or even adults, has been raised, there has been outrage and condemnation of the practice.

I admit this may be a retort to us on GN, but if OP thinks this here then I don’t think it’s unreasonable to think that translates to IRL.

My point is that as much as she is capable of research, concern etc to frame it that way should she decide to actually verbalise IRL is a sure fire way to get her DIL’s back up.

Realistically, how would any woman receive their MIL criticising how she cleans her home? To then frame it as -I’m the only one that’s thinking about the welfare of the baby - ....

It’s a very tricky road to plough. My point is that framing it in this way is not helpful at all and should be avoided.

I agree with lolo

OP has been very critical of her dil and very catastrophic on the consequences of dil's actions

What is going to be next? Microwaves? 5G?

How about starting a conversation about natural ways of cleaning - Bicarb, vinegar, baking soda etc. Get info off internet and say you are going to try it or have tried it and find it better than expensive, unhealthy products.
I use vinegar a lot, bicarb too..

I suspect my MIL would love me to use more cleaning products. The assumption that I had to do everything the same as her was very damaging to our relationship. Boundaries are essential if you want to maintain a good relationship & commenting on cleaning is crossing a line.

If you want her to change a better way is to turn up with whatever products you think are great, tell her they were BOGOF and you’re gifting one to her as you love it so much.

Be glad she's cleaning! Lots don't! How would you react if she wasn't, suggesting she's exposing the baby to germs?? Be grateful you're part of it's life, things could be a lot worse.

I would say Wow that spray is strong is it good? Then say do u mind if I open the window a bit it's catching my throat?
BTW I have read research somewhere that using bleach only once a week can cause COPD in some people that are nonsmokers.

flopen

fair enough. Obviously I'm the only person concerned about the effects of chemicals on a baby's neurological system. How awful of me to be concerned about their health.

What a totally unneccessarily snarky reply. You asked - people gave you their honest and polite opinions (which by the way, I share) - and you come back all holier-than-thou. I'm very glad not to be your DIL.

I do completely understand your concern, spray cleaners can be awful and can get in your throat and there has been a big link between cleaning products and asthma and eczema BUT we’ve all be told to clean for our lives during COVID, also I remember being my first child home 35 years ago and was utterly paranoid about cleaning and sterilising, by the time child number 4 came along this had all changed.

I remember my lovely stepdaughter being on a cleaning frenzy, to the point of the utterly ridiculous when our grandson was born. Despite my misgivings I kept my opinions to myself and now he’s 6 he’s in the garden digging up worms and getting dirty and she’s totally relaxed!

Give her time, I’m with the others take a bottle of natural cleaning products around, preferably one you do use, and present it to her with a smile and say nothing ever again about her cleaning !

Agree with poshpaws. Flooded your response to us on here tells us all we need to know.
Leave your DIL to do what she feels is right, her house, her baby. Suggesting she doesn’t care about the baby’s health is plain nasty.
I hope you learn a few things from this thread and carry them forward into your relationship with your DIL.

*Floped

Is it possible that she cleans the house when you are there to babysit, so she has both hands free and does not have to keep checking on the child, and that she also does extra chores to impress you? Can you take the baby out in the garden / terrace / roof /yard while the spraying is going on? Can you sneeze on demand? Also - her house - her rules. Say nothing.

I know my DDs use ecological products so don't have that problem, but my DD did introduce me to Method cleaning spray and another system called Koh. If your DD is visiting you why don't you introduce her to similar products?

I’m sure the OP is glad you’re not her DIL because you sounds like a pompous ass. The OP is seeking constructive practical advice, but you and many others simply criticise.

At least she cleans !!

BlueBelle

Good grief why do mother in laws look for trouble It’s really not your business if she stands on her head and does the soft shoe shuffle while cleaning her house
You cannot live her life, your way it just isn’t the way to go She’s got her way you’ve got yours

Too right!

Difficult one ..... of course you don’t want to be the interfering MIL , however I’ve read about the cancer links to various home cleaning products and I've def altered what products I use because of it. Why not google the information and then buy her a box of natural cleaning products and just say you don’t want to be critical or pushy however ..... then just explain your reasons.

I sympathise with this. I use a lot of cleaning products as I'm a bit OCD where cleaning is concerned. But at the same time I do stress about inhaling chemicals. I always make sure I have windows open and try not to breathe spray in. And I keep my cats well away when I use spray cleaners. If you have a decent relationship I would mention it once. Just like "Have you read any of the things about some stuff in a lot of spray cleaners being bad to inhale, especially for children? It's a bit worrying really. Perhaps you could open a window?" If she dismisses it, then leave it. But like you I would worry too, I'm afraid.

Depends what kind of 'sprays' your on about too, i use the 'pump' or 'squirter' kind, the Dettol ones as they help with antibac/coronavirus, but aren't harmful to my sons asthma like the aerosol sprays are- i use pump type or gel block air fresheners in loos too.Not aerosol.Try buy her the method cleaners though, with less harmful ingredients, and she may start using them regularly.Also suggest she opens a window when cleaning, "so the germs/dust have a way out" she may take that as less criticism than anything else.Aside from that, don't keep pushing it.

I DONT think sneezing on demand, or giving a sneeze whilst shes cleaning just to prove a point whilst theres coronavirus still around is a very good idea- and it might get you banned from their house next time.??

How about asking if you can open a window when you find it too overpowering , and say you find it gives you a headache? It might give her pause to think? Or read the label?