Visitors waiting in line!

My farmer father-in-law always had jobs all lined up and ready for when visitors showed up. If you don't work, you don't eat.

One of the good things to come out of covid is the opportunity to re-assess family and other relationships. Family/friends holidays can be very stressful as well as expensive! There are some excellent suggestions in this thread for putting off potential visitors you dont want (renovations is a great one) and of course you dont have to offer any explanation:-

That doesnt work for us
Its not convenient at this time

and so on.

If someone gets too pushy you can always become difficult to contact with broadband/wifi problems in your area.

The saddest visit for me was my husband's uncle and aunt. They asked to come to see me again after the funeral. for a week's holiday. My husband had been inviting them for sixteen years, it was only a two and half hour train ride, they'd never made the effort when he was alive. I did have them for the week, but made sure they knew I had to put the house on the market, and it was a one off.

I was amazed when the son of a friend asked if he could bring his family to stay in my house in the West Country whilst I was away. I just gaped, didn’t know what to say, whereupon he said rudely, “ I’ll take that as a no then.” The thing is, this is my home, not a holiday home. Would I have asked him to take over his house? No. When my brother and his wife came to stay they expected 3 course breakfasts, as if it were an hotel. My sister- in- law actually demanded more toast, never offering to make it herself. Yet the only time I asked them to put me up in an emergency they declined, saying they had their grandchildren staying. I would have put my grandchild on a camp bed for the night. I’d already told them I didn’t need feeding as I should be out from 8am to 10pm. It rather soured my opinion of them. I admire those of you who managed to brush these free loaders off.

Just say it isn’t convenient

DH and I were selling our house in 2016, and were selling some things because we couldn't take everything with us - let alone put it all in storage which is very expensive.

A couple who we were 'friends' with were interested in a few things that were for sale and told us what they wanted. So we put them aside.

Needless to say, the couple came one day and had a wander around the house then decided they didn't want the items. When they left, DH and I got the impression that they had only come around for a nosey around and in the hope that they could get some freebies. We did eventually manage to sell the items they didn't want. Anyway..

A few years later we bought another house and that same couple got in touch, out of the blue, and hinted that they would like to come and visit us. I ignored that hint and have not been in touch with them again. No, they would not be welcome in my house for love nor money.

Best of luck Newatthis!

No, you are not being unreasonable at all. Invite this who you want to stay with you and have the strength to say no sorry if you don’t want them. Don’t feel obliged to give free holidays to all just because you are lucky to live where you do. It is your life, you chose who to have in it and when.

You really must start as you mean to go on! We live overseas, in a far-flung part of the world, and have had many visitors over the years, some just for a few days stopover, others, anything from 1 week, to several weeks! All of them come wanting to explore, and wanting to be wined and dined in the evenings, for which my husband would always offer to pay (too generous for his own good!).

It cost us an absolute fortune in food and wine every time we had visitors, they basically had an all-inclusive holdiay! Also, most of them never even thought about the fact that my husband was working full-time, and wasn't 'on holiday' himself, but people expected both of us to be able to show them around, and even take time off work out of his annual holiday entitlement! We'd both end up absolutely exhausted, and couldn't wait to get our home back to ourselves again when they'd left!

I honestly believe that some people simply don't realise that we are trying to lead our normal day to day lives, and we're not on a permanent holiday! Thankfully, after many years here, we now get less requests from visitors. But what really irks me is that whenever we do have a rare visit back to the UK, everyone always says we must meet up for dinner, but very few (apart from a couple of close relatives) ever dream of offering to repay the generosity my husband and I have shown to them, or even offer for us to stay with them for a night or two.

We initially set out wanting to have visitors, as we wanted to keep in touch with everyone we love and care about, and we knew we wouldn't be able to return to the UK very often, but the novelty of it soon wears off!

If we had our time over again, would we still host visitors? ... Probably, yes, because that's the kind of people we are, but if you really don't want them, then you must make it known right from the very beginning!

When I moved from the north to Brighton for a few years we were inundated with guests! We were both working full time and it seemed every Friday we were rushing home to make up bed in spare room and people expected you to socialise all weekend. No one offered to buy food and our grocery bill was huge as was our mortgage! I was exhausted. MIL was worst as she got grumpy if the dates she wanted were already taken.
She was retired and could be more flexible but never was. Lots stayed a full week and expected we would socialise and go out week nights too we had to get up for work in the mornings . It only stopped when i got pregnant and needed the spare room for a nursery!

If you would like to see them, why not arrange to have lunch/ dinner with them ? Be as cheeky as they are " so you' re going to be in town and would like to take me to dinner, how lovely .." and see how it goes.The thing here is to have your answers ready so that they come out spontaneously.

Be very careful,we moved to a heavenly spot 43 years ago and have had multiple visitors ever since,my husband is very happy when they come,all old rugby club friends,one lot have been 6 times,I used to enjoy most of the people ( I have never been in any of their houses)but since I retired I find it too much,plus the cost,anyway due to Covid no visitors ! Ever cloud etc

Looks like you're going to have to learn 'to turn a deaf-ear' whenever hints are being dropped.

I agree with all those who said to tell them of nearby places where they can stay. I often thought I would like a holiday cottage in France until I read an article in the paper of a couple that had bought one. Turns out all their friends came and expected their meals cooked for them. So the lady said she was spending all her time shopping for food, cooking and clearing up after them and then they had the nerve to ask if they could come next year too! At the end she said they had sold it!

Whether your family and friends offered to help you or not isn't really relevant. If you enjoy having people to stay, then do it. Keep contact with those you like or love even if they disappointed you. It's not tit for that- or shouldn't be! If you don't enjoy people staying with you, you can always be upfront and just tell them that unfortunately you don't feel able to have guests to stay but would love to meet up with them when they are in the area.

You don't have to pussy-foot and be nice. Just say, "No, sorry, no in-house guests". Do not qualify that. Do not explain. Do not mention need for privacy. It is nobody's business but yours, why you do not want people inside your house, literally at all hours.

Apart from anything else foreign travel for holidays is not permitted yet so people are jumping the gun a bit.
Where do you live? What is the covid situation like there? If it’s a European country we will know what the situation is like though, unless you are in Malta or Gibraltar!

It seems most of us have got cheeky visitors tales to tell.
We have a holiday home in the West Country and soon after we got it we were inundated with friends and work colleagues eager to go and stay.
Initially we didn’t mind as it meant it was occupied but gradually things, accidents, started to happen with barely an apology.

We now limit its use to family and close friends who I know will look after it.

Just ignore the hints. If you had wanted people to come and stay you would have offered and I think it's a bit of a cheek for people to drop pointed hints. We are quite happy to have people to stay, but at our invitation and convenience -not on the basis of their expectation.

Oldwoman and ExD What a nerve some people have.

When I lived on the coast at an easily accessible location for friends, I had a similar problem. I'd get the phone call saying 'oh we're coming down on such and such date for a few days, that's OK isn't it.' There was no invitation offered and I usually found they'd already booked their train tickets before checking with me! When I'd remind them that I didn't have the space to put them up, the reply was 'oh that's OK, we don't mind sleeping on your floor.' Well I did mind!

It was one of the main reasons I moved well away to somewhere a lot less accessible, but still on the coast. Strange how I don't even hear from those so called 'friends' anymore.

If you don't want them visiting, tell them, but be very blunt about it. It's your home, not their timeshare.

A relative of mine lived in Italy for 3 years and ended up with houseguests inviting themselves almost all year round. She and her husband , between having guests ,had to live on spaghetti, garlic and olive oil type meals as the guests didn't seem to realize that their hosts were a young working couple, not on holiday, the hospitality they felt bound to provide was generous but they were always out of pocket.

Exact same thing is happening to a friend of mine that has just moved to Spain, she is saying to people it will be great to see you,let me know when your thinking of coming and I’ll give you details of lovely place just down the road from us. That way non of them have said oh I thought we could stay with you, so it seems to have done the trick.

Why be polite when it's blindingly obvious you are (or would be) being used??

Oh dear, I think I am the only poster who welcomes guests with open arms. I have four lots booked in so far in July/August. I would hope they are coming to me, although maybe it's my dogs who are the main attraction!
Seriously though, I enjoy receiving them and it wouldn't be the same if they were down the road in the local b & b.

You're quite right @newatthis, you don't want to be stuck with entertaining and feeding people when you don't want to, especially when nobody helped you when you needed them.

An acquaintance moved to Cornwall some years ago and actually did do B&B - she was very irritated when people who had not been particular friends kept saying that they'd like to come and visit, obviously without any idea of paying or that they would be taking up a room that would otherwise be earning the host money.

We're lucky enough to have a second home in England but don't let it out though we sometimes lend it to friends whom we know we can trust and who won't take advantage. However my son once asked if one of his friends could stay with his family and we discovered two weeks later that the heating was set at 23 degrees when they left.

I have an old friend who is known as a bit of a "user" and she is always dropping hints about how she would love to stay there. When she borrowed a house from another friend she went there with a group of other people for a week and didn't even leave them a bottle of wine! So no, I don't offer free holidays to people who use me.

Be careful I have had this situation. Friends have asked themselves to come n stay. It’s nice for a couple of days but found I was looking after them. My DH was the driver ferrying then around n I ended up a chalet maid n cook! First thing in the morning we would get so what are we going to do today? I am more wary now n have an excuse ready.

you can day there are some really nice hotels close by.you can visit us when you get time.tell them.you not up to putting up guests .health and safety.but they welcome to drop by for a visit