To ask for honesty and no judging?

@Deedaa your story reminds me of my honeymoon. We met a nice couple for drinks on their last night in the hotel, and set up a tab for the evening. At the end of the night the husband said he'd settle it, and they left before us. The waiter came to us just as we were leaving, waving the bill - the couple had signed it 'Mickey Mouse' with a false room number. Couple of shysters!

That is always a concern with what I presume was a mirror will, the other persons will can be changed, well I guess a non mirror will can be too. I can well understand you not forgiving him as it sounds like the new will had shocking news for you and you had absolutely no idea, as you were still trusting in him and on good terms.
I can understand someone changing their will if the other spouse becomes abusive or has an a fair or leaves, but it sounds like he lulled you into a false sense of security doing the first one with you so you didn't suspect anything

After his death |I found that my late husband had cheated his way around his Will. We agreed Wills and signed on the same date. I cannot go into details which may be outing but, after talking our way through the Wills, he then made other financial arrangements (without my knowledge) which directly affected my finances after his death. I shall never forgive him.

A friend of mine went on holiday with a couple of friends. The friends immediately complained about their room and were presented with a basket of goodies as an apology. The woman said "we always do it because we always get given stuff" Apparently the whole holiday carried on like this and my friend never went anywhere with them again.

Not sure why you are asking this Trigu. Are you a journalist, researching for a book, or a victim? I really doubt anyone would come on here and admit they fleeced any of their families! No matter how anonymous. My concern is WHY you are asking? If you have been a victim then I would suggest you reword your question.

As this is AIBU forum then yes I would say you are being unreasonable. To expect people to respond without being honest about why you are asking.

I was definitely behind the door when grabbing/grasping was invented ( rolls eyes ) Some people are born " takers ".

Maybe if I'd been sharper in matters of being " first in the queue " then I might have got on in life !

My uncle took things from my grandmother's house when he stayed there, about two or three times a year. Nothing valuable, but family memorabilia from a grandfather in the army, and sheets, blankets,towels a travel rug, china, all belonging to my father, the older son who had bought the house for his mother.
What was so bad was that when my grandmother noticed things missing she accused the cleaning lady, the only other person to frequent the house, of stealing them. It was only after my uncle and aunt died that they were discovered in their house. They knew they had been missed, and never said a word.

It happened to my mam and dad. They got married and were to live with my dad's mam. Whilst they were on honeymoon she passed away. When they got home they found that the house had been more or less stripped by some of his siblings.

I have experience greediness from some young family members who have a new sense of Entitlement. I find that the Entitled ask more than once, and show no regret or shame.
Not the same as stealing but still greedy and cunning.

When we moved to Suffolk our next door neighbours were health workers and worked nights. This meant that they were at home during the day.

When we first met them he told us about a tea shop in the nearby town where they brought a cake stand full of cakes and left it on the table. When you paid the bill, you were asked how cakes you'd had. He told us that you could away with eating 2 and saying that you'd had one.

On another occasion the neighbour on the other side came home to see a cable crossing his garden. The man had plugged his car vacuum cleaner into the other man's electricity supply.

A third occasion was when a builders suppliers left a load of timber in his drive. He came round to ask my OH if it was a delivery for him. OH said no but it was likely to be for the man who previously lived in our house. So he moved all the timber to the bottom of his back garden to use for firewood.

He also lied about my OH's planning application to use our garage as a workshop. After 2 years when my OH was given his file when he applied to continue the use of his workshop, we saw the extent of his lies.

He got his comeuppance. He was a charge nurse at a mental hospital and not very popular. One night one of the cleaning staff found him asleep (he was on duty so should have been awake) and reported him. He got the sack and they moved away.

I’m another who can’t imagine anyone confessing to that here!

Talking of grabby relatives, though, after a SiL’s elderly mother died, and before the house was cleared prior to going on the market, relatives were told that they could help themselves to
anything they liked.

The wife of one of the person’s grandsons - so not even a blood relative - instantly charged in and helped herself to all the jewellery!
I’m pleased to say that they made her give it all back.
She came from a very wealthy family, too.

During my life I was promised many times money, possessions of a dead relative would be mine, and that I would be informed when and where I could collect these items, mainly something from the house of the deceased that I liked , I waited to be told by the relation who was clearing the house, it never happened , other relations stepped in like vultures and took everything, I never did make a claim or a fuss ,it would have seemed as though I was as bad as the others, I let it go ,I hope they have a conscience but I doubt it ,otherwise they would have got in touch to let me know they were ready to clear the house,

Can't help either.
'It's not my money' has always been my stance.

Never had any problems like this in our family or even extended family thankfully
(never much to inherit) we probably live simply compared to many

I m sorry but I really wonder what the reasoning is behind this question Trigu it can’t just be curiosity surely

agnurse I think the number of people who can use personalities disorders as the explanation for this type of behaviour, are few and far between.

Some people do not need excuses to be greedy, acquisitive or dishonest.

In addition, depending on the cause for the behaviour (e.g. underlying personality disorder), insight may be very poor. The person may feel they're entitled to behave the way they do and see nothing wrong with it - to them, it's just the way they are.

My FIL, who has narcissistic traits, behaves this way.

I think that the other side would justify their position and even think they are in the right

I suspect that the majority of people who behave like this wouldn't recognise themselves as being covered by this thread because they do not see their behaviour as being anything other than what any ordinary person would do given the opportunity, or else they would see themselves as the aggrieved party, getting even with someone for some perceived offence, which entirely justified their behaviour.

None here as far as I know, just been, still am as it’s dragging on, a joint executor for my Mum’s will, ten beneficiaries in the family, all conducted properly through probate via a solicitor.

Not quite the same, but my husband and I stopped being friends with a couple after they told us this story.

The wife had a friend who had moved to the south, but wanted to come back to the area. She travelled up and viewed a house, and told the wife it was full of original antiques, she loved it, and had offered.

The wife somehow persuaded the EA that her friend had asked her to organise a house clearance company, and she and her husband cleared the house of all the antiques. They had some of them hidden in their bedroom wardrobe when we went round.

My husband and I were horrified at her deception and never ever told anyone, I suppose it's about thirty five years ago now.

The wife is still friends with this woman, who never knew what she did to her. Theft, in my eyes.

I think the guilty ones will never acknowledge their actions. I know a family member who has behaved fairly badly as I'm sure he believed that what he inveigled his way into getting was rightfully his anyway. An entitled, self-centred and 'superior' type.
Another who caused estrangement was very outspoken and downright cruel. He was so thick-skinned he didn't understand why most of his children wanted very little to do with him. He thought they were in the wrong. The latter caused much unhappiness - two of his children had breakdowns. A psychiatrist would have had a field day with both these families.

People will always justify what they have done. When my grandmother died her sister, who lived with her, took everything before my mum had a chance to go to the house.

Mum wasn't bothered about furniture but she took my Grandma's jewellery and other private possessions and went to live with her daughter and pretended she didn't know where it was.

No money or inheritance to worry about ?

Redhead that happened to my MIL aswell. And people were claiming Carers Allowance for non existing caring.

You are describing people from every walk of life members of anyone’s family. Members of my family were trying to get their hands on my mums money before she had even passed away. Also they tucked into her money when she was very ill and in hospital.
I do not believe that anyone who behaves in this way will ever regret what they have done.