Age UK have very good advice re financial abuse on their website. OPG and Social Services will advise too. Also, if any proof identified go to the police
Prayer ban at Katharine Birbalsingh’s school is lawful, High Court rules .
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AIBU
How would you deal with this situation?
(22 Posts)If the POA has not been registered it cannot be used. If money is going missing from such vulnerable people this is abuse and it would be good to ask for help from social services, or maybe first ask age UK for advice
welbeck
i think i would contact social services re possible financial abuse of vulnerable elderly person/s.
they are quite hot on this, esp if it look as if one of them might require residential care and assets are being moved.
From experience, SS would ask if the matter on financial abuse had been reported to the police; just saying. If I were in this position I would definitely report the abuse on 101. At the end of the day, financial abuse is theft.
Take a deep breath and walk away. Enjoy your life and leave them to it.
If you think there’s financial abuse, then you should inform the Public Guardian office, as pps have said.
As for your dad saying horrible things, I’m afraid that people with dementia quite often do, even without any prompting. My mother would say awful things which her former self would never have dreamt of - and it was all out of her own head.
Do please try not to let such things upset you too much, though I do know how terribly hurtful they can be. As they say, it’s the dementia talking, not the person you knew,
geekesse
Isn’t this really all about money? How very sad!
If Mum is of sound mind, she can choose who she wants to trust with her money. If you think she or your father is being abused, you should report it to social services. If not, it’s not really your problem.
But it sounds as if it’s just another nasty family bust-up over someone else’s money - vultures circling around waiting to swoop down. My advice is to stay out of it. If you really don’t care about getting any inheritance, why care if your siblings get it? You don’t seem to like one another much.
I hope you are not including me as a vulture circling around waiting to swoop Geekesse!!
Even if the poster is not worried about inheritance she is obviously worried about abusive situations and not confident these brothers and sisters are acting in the parents best interest
So I wouldn’t say walk away but do get a solicitor on board
As others have said, if you aren’t interested in their money, just leave. Maybe leave an explanatory letter with your Solicitor with copies to your siblings.
cornishpatsy
I would just walk away, with 6 siblings that are against you it will be impossible for you to have any say.
If you have real concerns about your parents' well-being contact SS.
Spot on! Exactly what I was about to say. Walk away and let them get on with it. You have done your bit for your parents and should feel no guilt. If you genuinely feel there is abuse of any kind and have proof then report them. Otherwise save yourself and get on with your own life. You cannot fight six unfriendly people who are against you. And it's just not worth trying in my opinion, or you will drive yourself nuts.
I would just walk away, with 6 siblings that are against you it will be impossible for you to have any say.
If you have real concerns about your parents' well-being contact SS.
i think i would contact social services re possible financial abuse of vulnerable elderly person/s.
they are quite hot on this, esp if it look as if one of them might require residential care and assets are being moved.
Isn’t this really all about money? How very sad!
If Mum is of sound mind, she can choose who she wants to trust with her money. If you think she or your father is being abused, you should report it to social services. If not, it’s not really your problem.
But it sounds as if it’s just another nasty family bust-up over someone else’s money - vultures circling around waiting to swoop down. My advice is to stay out of it. If you really don’t care about getting any inheritance, why care if your siblings get it? You don’t seem to like one another much.
Katie59
The family member who cares for parents with dementure often ends up in this situation, they resent being organized and other family exploit it.
All the bank transactions will be on record and have to be accounted for, wait your time, when wills or care home fees come up tell your story then, pigeons will come home to roost.
I wont be afraid of speaking up...that is what the siblings will be afraid of though and that is why they want me out the way.
Scribbles
If your parents needed new beds and curtains, etc and you had PoA over their finances with your brother, then I don't understand why you would spend your own money on these things, especially as you say they have enough to leave "life changing" legacies.
But, whatever your reasons, then you do need proper advice ASAP, in view of the breakdown of the PoA arrangements so the Office of the Public Gurdian should be your first stop.
I bought all what was needed to be replaced before becomming POA...I had been replacing things for some time.
Contacted Public Guardian...they cannot do anything regarding Mums finances because she is classed as sound mind. There is no POA registered now for either Parents. I have to fill in a form for the Office of Guardianship to do search on 'Deputyship' given by a Judge. I have spoken to a Solicitor and was told if any sibling applied for 'Deputyship' they need the permission of each sibling...I have not been approached so that could cause a problem if one of the siblings has taken on Deputyship without mu permission I think?
Speak to a solicitor, your brother or whoever should not have access to your parents' bank accounts without their specific instructions. As you are being frozen out by your siblings, you have nothing to lose by getting legal advice and getting things sorted out properly. Don't accuse anyone of theft, just get your parents financial affairs on a proper legal footing.
The family member who cares for parents with dementure often ends up in this situation, they resent being organized and other family exploit it.
All the bank transactions will be on record and have to be accounted for, wait your time, when wills or care home fees come up tell your story then, pigeons will come home to roost.
If your parents needed new beds and curtains, etc and you had PoA over their finances with your brother, then I don't understand why you would spend your own money on these things, especially as you say they have enough to leave "life changing" legacies.
But, whatever your reasons, then you do need proper advice ASAP, in view of the breakdown of the PoA arrangements so the Office of the Public Gurdian should be your first stop.
I gather you have your own solicitor ? If not, then get one asap and explain everything to him/ her what you've said here. This has to be explained pretty quickly I would say.
OPG = Office of the Public Guardian
www.gov.uk/government/organisations/office-of-the-public-guardian
They are responisble for registering PoAs and dealing with any problems that arise.
Yes you do need some help and I don’t think you can do it alone. I don’t know the system there so can’t point you in the right direction. Maybe ask your GP or someone you trust where to get help .
Contact the OPG.
They should be able to advise.
Firstly, sorry for such a long post. I am being pushed out of the Family by other Family Members. Mum & Dad are now elderly...Father was diagnosed with Dementia last year and Mother is listening to the other siblings and allowing it to happen.
I am the eldest of seven and helped/supported my Parents for many years whilst some siblings did not visit nor take an interest..the rest of the siblings did very little.
I have since sorted everything with my Fathers health since his diagnosis with Dementia, bough and replaced all his wardrobe and some of Mums and replaced all threadbare bedding, curtains and bought new expensive beds with my own money whilst the others have never put their hands in their pockets. Mum & Dad are not ones to spend their money on such things. I just wanted them to live in comfort in their latter days.
Mum had a fall back in February 2021 outside the house and broke her arm from then on the other six siblings walked in and have took over.
They have now influenced/manipulated my Mum & Dad against me despite everything I have done for them. I am feeling powerless and I dont trust any of the siblings.
I have always lived by my conscience whereby the others havent. I have always been different and my siblings have always wanted what I have, what I got and copy everything I do. I always seem to go in and set the foundations for something and then they take over. Most recently I found out two sibling were running my Mothers Bank Account and my Mother found out money was going missing. Now another is running her Bank Account and put the bulk of her money in a Bank Account in his name. He is now running my Fathers Bank Account and I suspect he has done the same there too. He and I were meant to be Power of Attorneys for both Mum & Dad Health/Wealth until I found out what he was doing with Mothers Bank Account etc and told him to put the money back in my Mothers name. A Solicitotr my brother does work for done the Will for Mum & Dad last year before my Father was diagnosed with Dementia. The Solicitor made an error on the Power of Attorney forms which voided my Fathers Wealth Power of Attorney. Through the arguments I had with my brother...all Power of Attorney fell apart because I did not know if one backed out the other had to too. I was wanting my brother to behave honestly but he and the others dont know how too.
I have one sister who never visited Mum & Dad tell me they dont want me at their house and so I have been staying away. The few times I have been there since February I am not welcome. Dad is saying things to me that are coming from other peoples mouths and it is making me so ill. I try to put a brave face on it to others but I am broken hearted...relationships have not always been good with Mum & Dad over my life time (I am 56) but I have took time out and gone back to be the dutiful daughter when I maybe should have stayed away like the rest of them. But I just wanted to do good by them to the end so that I could get on with my life when they have gone.
I believe the others are now in because of Money and althoug a Mirred Will was drawn up for Mum & Dad I suspect I will be written out their Wills influenced by the others. I dont care if I am not left any money as long as the rest of them dont too. I always wanted Mum & dads money going on them...even if it meant it was taken out of out hands and they had to go into a Care Home I would have wanted them to go Private. As I said before Mum & Dad have never been one to spend their money and I know there is a great deal of it ... If left to each of us it would be life changing.
I feel I am living a night mare .. I am not a walk over (just in case people think I am) but in this case I feel I cannot do anything about it and time is passing by where two Parents who have not always treated me well are coming to the end of their lives and I cannot be around them for fear of what my siblings may do to stop it happening...they want me out and away for fear of what I may see as I would be the one who would hold them to account when my Mother & Father has not.
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