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Married but not accepted by his family

(32 Posts)
jamjak Fri 21-May-21 16:56:38

Two years ago I remarried. His family were horrified. They live close by but do nothing to assist him or keep him company, though constantly ask for money. We signed a very tight prenup which he said would reassure them that their inheritance was safe and that they would then "come around to the idea". Wedding was supposed to be just us two with two witnesses, but his entire family arrived all dressed in full black mourning gear and never even greeted me! I know that I have done nothing to alienate them as they refuse to be around me so have never even had a conversation with them.
Recently had a birthday and a card arrived in the post from one of them. Correct address but first name only - no surname. As they obviously know their father's surname, I have to assume that they refuse to acknowledge that it is mine now. It felt like a card to the family dog with only one name. Husband says that I should be grateful that I received a card. They can do no wrong in his eyes.
Any thoughts please?

EllanVannin Fri 21-May-21 17:13:07

IMHO, I wouldn't have married him.

crazyH Fri 21-May-21 17:18:03

They all turned up in ‘black’ for the wedding!!!!!!
I would have asked them to leave.

Hithere Fri 21-May-21 17:21:28

Your husband is not on your side.

He picks: his wife or his extended family

What is the deal with the prenup?
It sounds like it got signed for his extended family's benefit?

FlexibleFriend Fri 21-May-21 17:24:56

He needs to grow a pair.

tanith Fri 21-May-21 17:26:42

Sounds like an awful family and your husband sounds just as awful, I’d be hitting the road.

Scribbles Fri 21-May-21 17:27:24

By "family", I assume you mean your husband's adult children?
If so, perhaps it's time for him to tell them very firmly to grow up and stop behaving like mardy brats. He could also tell them that there will be no further financial help forthcoming until they learn to be civil to his new wife. They don't have to actually like you, just to be basically good mannered.

TBH, I find myself agreeing with Ellan - I would cerrtainly have thought long and hard before marrying into such a family. Sadly, love does not always conquer all.

JaneJudge Fri 21-May-21 17:27:57

by extended family you mean his children?
The marriage ceremony sounds cruel but i think you need to add more information and context

AGAA4 Fri 21-May-21 17:30:00

His family are very bad mannered and disrespectful. He should have asked them to leave the wedding for behaving like that.

theworriedwell Fri 21-May-21 17:30:32

My MIL turned up at our wedding all dressed in black. I laughed at her as did most people. She didn't use my name for years, she couldn't remember it but could remember the names of everyone in my family even if she had only met them once. I still laughed, told DH to ignore it.

One day he lost it with her, he just flipped and strangely she always remembered my name after that but she used the name my parents, siblings and close family use for me, no one else uses it even my husband, it is my name from early childhood and everyone who has met me since I was 11 uses my proper name. I suppose it was unfortunate as it annoyed me more than her not remembering my name.

Not sure what advice I can give you.

TrendyNannie6 Fri 21-May-21 17:31:49

My only thoughts are that it’s very strange! Are you in the U.K. jamjak. The fact you saying your husband thinks they can do no wrong in his eyes is worrying, to turn up to your wedding all dressed in black is very bizarre to say the least!

jamjak Fri 21-May-21 17:47:38

Thank you.
I absolutely agree that I should never have married into this situation. Trying to deal with it as best I can by keeping my sense of humour. Obviously there is an upside as well.
Yes I am in the UK.
Didn't mention that these "kids" are hitting their sixties!

Smileless2012 Fri 21-May-21 17:51:46

I'm with EV and wouldn't have married him either and as for being you being grateful for the card you received, your H should be grateful that you married him in the first place and that you're still with him.

Trisha57 Fri 21-May-21 18:05:34

And the "upside" is? I honestly can't see one from your point of view. What an awful family! Obviously I am only going on what you have revealed so far. I didn't think that prenups were legally binding in the UK?

theworriedwell Fri 21-May-21 18:09:41


Thank you.
I absolutely agree that I should never have married into this situation. Trying to deal with it as best I can by keeping my sense of humour. Obviously there is an upside as well.
Yes I am in the UK.
Didn't mention that these "kids" are hitting their sixties!

Not much point hoping they are going to grow up then.

I think humour is the only answer. They are trying to bother you so laughing when they do it is the most effective thing in my experience.

Is your marriage good otherwise? I think that makes the difference.

Ladyleftfieldlover Fri 21-May-21 18:11:49

Why on Earth did you marry this man? I’d be out of there.

BlueBelle Fri 21-May-21 18:30:09

Gosh your husband sounds a gem (I don’t think ) so disrespectful telling you you’re lucky to even get a card and he sounds as if he’s brought up disrespectful children Turning up at your wedding wearing black is such an insult what a shame you have nailed your flag to this particular flagpole at a time of life when it should run smooth and be happy

Obviously there is an upside as well
I m curious, what is this upside ???

H1954 Fri 21-May-21 18:39:40

I would cut my losses, pack my bags and leave! Your OH is just as toxic as his family and doesn't deserve your commitment to your marriage.

Oopsadaisy1 Fri 21-May-21 18:47:07

You married him, not his family, so ignore them.

If they come to the house, tell them it’s not convenient and shut the door.

You seem to have gone into this with your eyes open as you said that they were horrified that you were marrying him, so if he’s worth staying with just get on with it, go on long holidays and let him spend his money on you both.

Redhead56 Fri 21-May-21 19:44:51

If they don’t like you is it possibly because you are younger than them? Obviously they fear losing their inheritance. Your OH sees no wrong in them it sounds a weird set up to me it would make me unhappy. I don’t know what the upside could possibly be.

Katie59 Fri 21-May-21 21:01:26

Jamjak I’m so sorry for the situation you are in, his family are deliberately trying to drive a wedge between you, there is nothing more cruel than the wedding party episode. I’m afraid you have made a mistake in marrying him, you’re very unlikely to separate him from his family, how ever determined you are one way or another they will win.

2 yrs ago I was in a very similar situation, living close to my OHs family, when I moved in everyone was told ( including myself) there was going to be no wedding. That was a very good move because everybody is happy, no issues at all, they are a lovely family. Most of all I’m happy, so if you have a man that really looks after you, live in sin.

Hithere Fri 21-May-21 21:03:36


Why are you in this marriage?
Divorce is always a possibility

jamjak Fri 21-May-21 21:45:38

Thank you for all your comments. Redheaded- I am definitely not younger than them but only a couple of years younger than my husband.
We just didnt want to spend our last years alone and both felt strongly that marriage was for us.

Nonogran Fri 21-May-21 22:36:20

They obviously don't need you in their life so treat them with the same scorn. Completely ignore them. Don't give them a second thought & be monosyllabic when they come up in conversation with your spouse. Sometimes we say more by saying nothing than we do by saying something. Keep your dignity, expect nothing from them & keep your chin up.

jamjak Sat 22-May-21 10:46:14

Thank you very much everyone x