Apologies for the long post. My Father died in October last year. The plan (which my Father fully supported) was that my husband and I buy out my brothers and live in the family home. This way we could keep the house in the family and one of Dad’s grandchildren could buy us out down the line (my niece has expressed this desire already). As my younger brother is not working (but lives nearby) he offered to clear Dad’s house. At first we were pleased with the offer, but as time went on it has become an utter nightmare. He has insisted that everything is done his way, will not allow any involvement and progress has been incredibly slow.
We realised that he was particularly struggling with Dad’s death and almost certainly suffering from depression and tried to be as supportive as possible, but this is growing increasingly hard.
The arrangement was that we would pay off the outstanding mortgage and make partial payment to my brothers (which we have done) and pay the remainder once ownership is transferred to us. We sold our house and moved in to Dad’s (or rather half of Dad’s house in April) as it was still full of Dad’s stuff. Any attempt we make to sort anything out is met with increasing hostility. We got a storage unit for three months and have suggested that we do this again so that we can take the pressure off us all and buy time and space to sort things out, but once again this has met with absolute refusal.
We are in the ridiculous situation of being in a large five bedroom house with only one bedroom and one reception room being usable. Every attempt we have made to decant the stuff into one place has resulted in my brother going off the deep end.
The day we moved in was a nightmare, there was so much stuff in Dad’s house that we only crammed our possessions in through my older brother and his family clearing the loft to give us some space and doing numerous tip runs and taking on a storage unit.
We ordered two sofas and an armchair for one of the reception rooms months ago and a fireplace to be fitted, assuming the house would be empty by then. The sofas are arriving today and there is nowhere for them to go. My husband rearranged a small amount of stuff in the dining room so that there would be space as he is on a late shift and didn’t want it to fall on me (I have some health issues). My younger brother turned up yesterday afternoon and went absolutely ballistic, literally screaming his head off at me as my husband had ‘ruined’ his system. He is quite intimidating to the extent that our dog was actually cowering and shaking with fear. He wouldn’t allow me to explain and moving the things to how they had been would take five minutes.
After he left, I messaged (nicely) and suggested that I box up the remainder of the stuff and take it round to him at a time which is convenient so he can sort things out at his own pace which would take the pressure off all of us. Once again this was met with point blank refusal. He insists on coming round again and doing it himself. I haven’t told my husband about yesterday as he would go mad and this would only make things worse.
As it stands now, the furniture is being delivered in a couple of hours, the only way we can fit it in will be to move everything around and this will almost certainly cause another meltdown.
My Dad absolutely loved the idea of us taking on the house and we were so excited and happy at keeping our childhood home in the family, but part of me wishes we had never done it now.
I feel very sad, part of the reason why we did this was so that we could carry on the tradition of spending time at Christmas, for example, together. My relationship with my older brother and his family is fine, but I doubt that the relationship with my younger brother will ever recover and at the moment I don’t particularly care.
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