Unless you are particularly close to any of the great nieces etc you have to draw a line on who you gift to and with your limited finances you are well justified in doing so.
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SubscribeI always thought I was a generous soul, giving presents to my brothers side of the family. When he and I had children we agreed that we wouldn’t buy for each other and would do so for the children. Then when the children were adults it reverted to cards unless it was a special birthdays such as 21st or 30th where I contributed too. When my brother had a special birthday I spent quite a bit on him, when I had a special birthday I got a £20 pen, that broke soon after. Now he has three grandchildren that I have bought gifts on their birth, birthdays and Christmas. He attended a family meal for my children when they celebrated milestone birthdays, they got a card only. I’ve mentioned this to my mum but I doubt she said anything to him. I’ve got to the stage now where I live on a pension and have to watch the pennies, so I want to stop gifting to my great nieces and nephews, but feel guilty and wonder what they will think? I’m also about to become a grandmother and I doubt he will gift anything. Am I right to stop? Or should it not matter of the fairness of it all?
Unless you are particularly close to any of the great nieces etc you have to draw a line on who you gift to and with your limited finances you are well justified in doing so.
Why feel guilty? If you can only afford a card, that is good enough!
Why not just contact your brother and just say that due to your financial state, you will only be sending cards in future. For all you know, he may be in a similar situation himself and be pleased to only send cards himself. It's the thought that counts, not how much is spent!
Just stop! You know in your heart its gone on too long
I don't understand why you told your mum. Why should she get involved.
You either continue with presents or stop. Simple....
Stop buying presents. Cards only. You don't owe your brother (or anyone) an explanation. They would all probably appreciate a postcard with a few lines from time to time to know you are thinking of them. Reasonable people appreciate your time rather than your money.
Just stop doing it. Gifts aren’t always appreciated in this day and age especially by younger people as we are living in a ‘want it now society’ and many - I say many as it’s not everyone of course - get what they want when they want it !
wellbeck no but I was buying her children and grandchildren presents and continued to do so until they were 18. As she had stopped then, so did I but I made sure that when they got their 18th birthday presents they knew it would be the last one. Although they did get 30th presents.
I’m not saying don’t stop just don’t stop without letting them know why your stopping and when.
Yes,just stop as he did.
I'm 64 and still remember my disappointment when my aunt stopped giving me gifts when I was about seven or eight years old - I've no idea why. Saying that, I don't remember ever writing any 'thank you' cards - could be the reason. I get great pleasure from giving.
Mattsmum. Just do what you feel is right. I think that may be calling a halt! If it upsets you and you get no pleasure from giving, just stop.
I give to my 3 DDs and the 8 GC. My 3 SiLs get a small ‘minding’ unless its a big birthday. Last week for his 40th I gave a SiL a marina trolley he needed! None of them want for much but it gives me pleasure to give. As the children get older and as 4 are abroad, they get vouchers. Otherwise I ask my DDs what is particularly on the List of Wants as theres no point in buying something you think they want!!
If they even notice they might ask if you are ok. Then you can say that your circumstances merit a tighter budget these days and that your grandchildren will come first. It can be said in a light hearted way - becoming a grandmother is a good time to rethink your priorities.
It does not matter what other people are doing, if you want to gift then do so, if you do not then stop.
Just stop - he did!
You sound a lovely aunt but I think your present buying has probably got a bit out of hand. Just stop and look after yourself. Don’t blame your brother though.
Adult kids and partners get christmas and birthday as do young grandkids.. but when I retire the value will be reduced for each equally. I am not putting myself in penury for anyone.. much as I love them all dearly. My life is for living too.
Just stop!
You agreed with your brother to stop buying gifts for each other, and to stop buying for your respective children once they became adults. However, you decided to carry on. I can understand buying for a special birthday, especially if there is a celebration, but I really so no need to continue otherwise. I'd probably buy a gift if a new grandchild was born, but not after that. I would just stop now. I see no reason why you should feel sensitive about it, especially when you made the agreement with your brother not to continue to buy gifts. He may even feel awkward/embarrassed that you're still doing it, and he isn't.
Try giving with you heart a little more than your head If your heart's not in it (and it doesn't seem to be) then you have your answer. Head would suggest that you really can't afford it anyway so ease off on the actual outlay until you feel comfortable with the end result. If this result turns out to be zero then that's fine. Giving is meant to be joyful not a problem. If my resources were restricted, my forthcoming grandchild would be very high priority for anything that was available. Good luck with that. My experience of being GP is total joy. Hope yours proves to be he same.
I send cards to great nephews and nieces and to their parents. Stopped present buying when they reached 18 ( the nephews and nieces, never given gifts to their children),
What on earth do you buy them? Vouchers, toiletries, scarves etc? I wouldn’t have a clue what to get them, and suspect many presents find their way into charity shops.
To be honest I can’t imagine buying for great nieces and nephews ! I think it gets out of hand I am far more in favour of spontaneous present giving rather than gifts by rule.
I think it's fine to stop and you probably should have stopped when he did. I doubt they'll even notice, tbh.
I think it's time you put yourself first, for a change!!
You had the finances before therefore you were happy to give gifts to that side of the family. But things have changed and you no longer have the money to give. Surely, as you say you are a pensioner now, these nieces & nephews will understand, I mean they must be old enough to realise that money does not grow on trees!!
Think of yourself, first & foremost, then of your own immediate family (your child/ren), then welcome the new grandchild with your loving arms, happy that you can occasionally spoil him or her!!!
Remember, money does not grow on trees, and to put yourself first!!!!
It is tricky. We have a lot of grandchildren ranging from aged 2 to late 20s and we haven’t brought ourselves to stopping buying for the older ones at Christmas and birthdays . Now we also have 3 greats and it is costing us heaps. We will stop eventually I suppose but with the greats we hardly ever see them anyway so it is a bit silly really. I do feel blessed to have such a large extended family ,especially since I was an only child but I think probably the time has come to just send cards to the 6 who are over 21. Mattsmum I don’t care that they don’t all give me presents ( most don’t), at my age I have more than enough ‘stuff’ so I wouldn’t worry about that! Something about it is more blessed to give than receive?
Yes, you are being too sensitive
You and your brother agreed on gift rules and he followed them, while you decided to break them
Your brother didnt have to reciprocate your generosity.
You are going to buy some real estate with your daughter and son in law and you are on a tight budget - save it and invest it on your needs.
but did he get her a present ?
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