Should I pay my friend now

she is mean and you are not.
why bother with her.
you don't match.
stick to the generous two.
good luck.

I think you should straighten up your financial situation for your needs before you move to your wants

A concert and a vacation for tour bday can wait.

Hi sorry for confusion. The trip my other you friends are paying for is one night away next year for my birthday. I only have to find some spending money. It was booked as a surprise for me as I have had a very rough year and had to leave my home . I had hoped the situation re my previous home would be sorted by now but ex is determined to fight all the way causing expensive legal fees. I have learnt my lesson .

It’s always the loose, friendly arrangements that cause problems. The ones that take place with a chat.

I was once asked for help with a relatives funeral expenses. The person asking was very embarrassed and apologetic that they had to do so and I said, Don’t worry about it.

It was when I got the total bill that I realised how they’d interpreted what I said. ?

Think you need to make your holiday money arrangements watertight. All four of you might be sitting there with a different expectation!

A mix of money and friendship is always tricky. A while ago I lent money to a friend who promised to pay it back as soon as she could. I didn't expect it immediately, but I did get annoyed when she went on holiday before paying it back, as well as buying new clothes and replacement items for her house (things like a new microwave because the other one didn't match her kitchen).

IMO, if money is owed it should be repaid before any non-essential spending. Clearly my friend had a different opinion, so the lesson I learnt from that was that if I lent money in future I would specify when and how it should be repaid. Maybe your friend feels that as you can afford to go on holiday you can afford to pay her back?

I think that the concert situation muddies the waters, as you were only going because your friend wanted you to. It would have been kind of her to at least offer to pay half, or you could have said you could only go on those terms.

Finally, I think it is never appropriate to decide what others can afford. Your friend may have a good job and be careful with her money, but that is no reason why she should not be paid back as quickly as she would have been had she had none.

Hi everybody thanks for your comments and I will take the advice on board . As an update . She has sent the £50 back . I will attempt to pay the other money back ASAP and never get into any financial transactions with her again . I was hurt as she knows I would never do anybody out of money. She actually criticised me for being generous with my adult children when I got a surprise windfall from PPI though at that time my situation was different . My teenage son lost his part time job due to Covid but has been lucky to get another job while he searched for full time work after leaving college . Her first comment was “Good . He can start contributing now! “

I have a sister in law who is exactly the same! Depending on how close you are could you not sit down with her and explain how this is causing you stress and financial difficulty and that you will repay her when you are able. Alternatively do you have a mutual friend who could have a word with her.

As it seems it was her idea to pay for the tickets (and use your being a previous customer to get a discount) then she should be prepared to wait until you are in a position to repay her.

Ne’er a lender nor a borrower be. A very old saying with good reason. We lent a family member some money (quite a lot!) a few years ago, we had a signed agreement but it was not repaid. We had a lengthy court case and we won but still no repayment, we had to put a restriction on his property. He has since passed away, we just hope that we get something back if the property is sold in the future! A lesson learned for us.

Your friend should have been up front with you, but perhaps she was feeling awkward and wanted to spare your feelings?

Blimey,with friends like that,who needs enemies.

I'm sorry, don't mean to sound harsh but my mum always says "A fool and his money are soon parted."
Reset some ground rules here; pay her back in instalments if necessary to clear up that scenario.
If you're still going on holiday with her & the others, keep your antenna up whilst away & don't get drawn into money situations involving her. Restaurants etc comes to mind. For example if she orders expensive/drinks more & you don't, it's ok to tell the waiter you need an itemised bill only for what you've had. You've only got to do it once & she should get the message.
A good friend would have treated you to the concert. How mean of her.
In your shoes I'd be very wary of this 'friend" and be circumspect if I thought money & paying for things came up with her.
I hope the holiday goes well. Sounds like you deserve it. Just step back on the money front before u agree to anything in future.

You knew that money is her "big problem" so I think that by not paying her back (say) a fiver every so often she has started to worry about the repayment and has built up your debt in her mind.
I think most of us can see your logic but then we aren't her and you do know what she's like.

Maybe, (as she seems to be close in other non-money ways) you can have a chat with her and set up a "payment scheme" so you can start to pay off the ticket. To be honest I would have started to pay this off straight away if it were me - as if it does go ahead it will be a fat chunk of cash all at once.

The way she has "got back" the 1st £50 is a bit dodgy but given her usual financial focus is not so bonkers in her head. If you are at all able to scrape by I'd let this money go and set up a payment on the rest.

I would not wait to see if the concert goes ahead as this will feel cheeky to her and could catch you out anyway.

If you really can't manage to give her the £50 she's "reclaimed" you will have to think about how much of it you can manage without and explain that you'd like her to have X as a downpayment on your debt but you need the remainder back for y and z. Please don't let this silly irritation ruin 25 years if everything else is good. You knew she was funny with money! .... Next time make sure you are "on it".

Good luck.

TBH you should have said No to the concert as you can’t afford it, especially as you aren’t bothered either way and you know how tight your friend is with her money.
To salvage your friendship I don’t think you have any choice but to pay her in instalments.
I’m worried though about the trip you are going on, you will need to start saving now so that you can afford to pay your way when you get there.

@Kim19 I consider her a good friend but I have also supported her through some bad times . She had very little growing up and is extremely frugal. She is in a responsible position at work earning a good wage. She moved in with parent to look after them but they went in a home and due to circumstances no fees to be paid so she pays no rent or mortgage and has the money from sale of her own home . She prides herself on paying £2.50 a month for her mobile phone despite the fact she has no mobile data when out of the home. When we go out to eat which is not often now she never has any change for the tip. She split from on/off partner of many years as he is paranoid women are after his money!

Wow..... strange 'friend'. Fact is, you're just going to have to lay your cards on the table and tell her you can't afford to pay her back right now, instalments or otherwise. That'll test the 'friendship'. Is she worth your obvious angst?