Stroppy Teenager or is it me?

Encourage her to go out in the daylight so she gets to know the area, where she could get into trouble etc.
And where there is mobile phone signal. She will be an adult soon enough and you won't be able to stop her. Talk to her about your concerns....it always helps them to know where you are coming from & why you said what you did

As soon as I was a mother with young children I lost the courage to go on roller coasters etc - probably because of a sense of responsibility for the young.
I definitely feel a different sense of responsibility for grandchildren because I am in charge of someone else’s children- so am more protective in a way - perfectly natural. Explain that to her - she should understand- tell her parents too - just in case she doesn’t see it! ??

What another generation did in another era is irrelevant.
It is up to parents to educate their children in the course of their growing up about risk and responsibility not grandparents.
Teenagers test boundaries just the same as all children.
But I will say it again..
Your house = your rules.

Im thinking that some of those whom are condoning the 17 year old tripping off out alone in a storm in the dark in a strange(ish) place are maybe the 'infiltrators' we get from mumsnet?......

I'm with the posters who have suggested a chat - explain your concerns, perhaps give her a map with a safe route, try to come to a compromise. However, without that discussion I would have done exactly as you did. People say that the dreadful murders we read about are rare. Maybe so, but if it is your family it is 100%.

I think I was thirteen the first time I went youth hosteling with a friend of my own age in the Highlands. We didn’t thumb lifts but a family stopped and offered us one because we looked so tired. We had walked from one hostel to another about 12 miles uphill. We were only a few hundred yards from our destination though. Different days.

Yes all the warnings-and a storm isnt safe either, a poor child locally to me was out football training a couple of wks ago (aged 9) and lightning struck him and killed him- tell her of this tragic tale, it may make her think twice next time.(or could increase her fears of storms,sorry) but still it might make her less inclined to suddenly dash out in one! Tell her if shes begun smoking secretly that she can do that in your garden and youre ok with that.And yes a walk around village with her in daylight to point out dangers/help is a great idea.Or maybe one of her friends had encouraged/dared her to take a photo of the storm/lightning to post to their social media sites or something? She needs to start saying no in that case.

I have 6 grandchildren from 25 to 16. Teenagers are odd creatures, poised between two worlds. Their brains are wired differently. Perhaps you could take her into a bigger town for a meal and ask how she would have liked you to react. My lot have to be in touch with their friends at all times. So maybe it is the Wifi signal and she's missing the chat. Seems trivial to us but so important for them. The bigger town will give her a signal. She might want some chat space. And it will pass. Just keep on loving her as if nothing has happened.

No doubt Sarah Everard felt she was okay to walk home on the streets of London. It is possible to be within your rights ... and dead.
Could you arrange for her to have some basic self-defence lessons?

I understand your concerns, but equally she is almost adult. She proba ly won't be coming to stsu with you for much longer anyway so do 't spoil this time with conflict.

Alexa

My sons are in their 60s and I still worry about their welfare!

? dont we all?

Maybe she didnt have a phone signal in your house and needed to go out to try to get one. Phones are their life at that age. Maybe I would have offered to go out with her for a quick walk, chatted for a while to see what the reason was? Easy to say in hindsight. But definitely wouldn't have let her out on her own. You did the right thing.

She probably just wanted time on her own, but as a grandparent you were probably worried what her parents would think too, never mind yourself fretting. You do what feels right for you.
Times have changed so much, when I was 17 my friend and I went to Spain on our first girls holiday. We were to go with my sis& hubby, but sadly his cancer had returned before the trip so they obviously had to cancel. Our parents had a chat and let the two of us go on ourselves and we were fine, so we got the green light to go every year then.

Oh please, she is 17.
I can understand your worry but teenagers are so much more street wise than we were, wherever she has lived previously.
I think that many villages have residents that you want to avoid - I know mine certainly has! As well as certain areas that aren't the best in the world area to be when it's dark - doubt if any are as portrayed on TV dramas!
Just loosen the ties a little. You could try explaining why you wouldn't allow her to go out on her own, but right now, it may well make it worse! She needed a time on her own - even if it was dark. I can remember many times that I wandered out for a walk in my teens, especially after being indoors for any amount of time.

Completely normal for a 17 year old. You do sound a bit smothering but I also understand your concern. My girls take themselves off into the forest around us by themselves but it’s so isolated I don’t worry. It’s the traffic around you that you describe that would worry me most. Explain carefully to her why you’re saying no and be ultra sympathetic and suggest she goes out during the day not late evening. Negotiate a compromise. That’s the way forward.

? Oh I did feel for you as I know I would be exactly the same. Yes i would definitely phone her parents & if they agree then fine - let her go but yes maybe you could discreetly follow her some distance behind jumping hedge from hedge - and wear a hoodie ? best of luck ?

My daughter moved out at 17 to share a flat with friends. She had been brought up in a city and was pretty streetwise. I had to learn to stop worrying. However, she was MY child not someone else's. You do not know how much your granddaughter is aware of problems that she may encounter. I would have felt the same as you did. And I would have said No too, strop or no strop, if I couldn't contact her parents. And ok, she's 17 but still a minor. If that were me at 17 I would be going out to meet a boy...

I wouldn't have wanted her to go out and I don't think you were being unreasonable. She might be nearly an adult but even adults can't do exactly what they want to, when they want to and you have a duty of care whilst she is with you. The fact that her Mum agrees with you shows you made the right call in your circumstances.
Regardless of whether girls should be able to walk around safely wearing what they want, go where they want and in whatever stage of inebriation they are in, they do need to exercise some thought of their safety in the world they live in. If you meet the wrong person at the wrong time and something major happens to you, you can have your life wrecked for ever.

I've seen a few posts where the poster says
"She's 17 and responsible for her own welfare"....
No, no, NO! She's still a child and her parents (or grandparents when she's staying with them) are responsible for her welfare.
OP, you did the right thing not letting her out and I agree that you should maybe show her around the village so that she can get her bearings and maybe then you could allow her to go for a walk unaccompanied but for the first walk I'd give her a time restriction and see how it goes from there.

I do think some posters are confusing what they would ideally do as a parent rather than as a grandparent - its a very different thing. I think I would have probably taken your line Oopsadaisy1 and commend you for sticking to what you felt was right. A very wise older friend once said to me that God makes teenagers behave the way they do so that we can bear to part with them and there is something in that.

Oopsadaisy1, I’m with you. You are responsible for her when she’s with you and going out at night has no justifiable reason. I feel she should respect your wishes while in your home

My sons are in their 60s and I still worry about their welfare!

Wow!!! She's 17. Let her go. Little wonder the current generations are looked on as wet lettuces.

As her grandparent I think you did the right thing. Imagine how you would feel if she had gone and something happened to her. A different story if you were the parent, that would fall on their shoulders. Don't beat yourself up, you were only trying to protect her and deep down she probably knows it.

I sympathise with your wish to protect your grand-daughter, but at the same time I think that at 17 she is entitled to some privacy, and as others have said, she may have wanted to make a private call, to have a cigarette, or just to get out of the house for a while.

I can't imagine being cooped up with my grandparents at that age (which does't mean that you aren't a lot closer to yours than I was), but all the same, if you want her to come back you probably need to reconsider your relationship. She is a young woman, not a child, and it seems to me unhealthy to teach her that the way to deal with problems in the world is to hide indoors. Women have suffered from that outlook for generations, and it doesn't prepare them for the world outside.

What do her parents think?