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AIBU

To say I'd rather meet in the park.

(41 Posts)
Beswitched Fri 02-Jul-21 09:33:44

I have friend and, nó matter where we arrange to meet she always changes it at the last minute so we end up meeting at her house.
For instance, dinner and a catch up at a restaurant in town ends up being dinner at her house, with me having to drive over (not on bus route and taxi there and back would cost a fortune.), not being able to have any wine, her husband and son eating with us so no proper catch up etc.

She's just done it again. We were supposed to be meeting for coffee in a lovely park about half way between our two houses. She's now texted suggesting we just have coffee at her house, rather than trying to find parking and queueing at the coffee stall.

I was really looking forward to a nice relaxing catch up in the park. Not sitting in her kitchen with her family in and out and the dogs snuffling up to us etc.

WIBU to text back saying 'let's stick to the park. Nice to get out on a sunny day.'
Or would that sound like I'm snubbing a kind invitation to her house?

Marmight Fri 02-Jul-21 09:36:28

No it would not be unreasonable! Do it.

Kate54 Fri 02-Jul-21 09:36:34

Not unreasonable at all. In fact, a very tactful reply! However, she may still be worried about going out so perhaps you could delve a but further....

aggie Fri 02-Jul-21 09:36:41

Yes , do send that message , it’s true and maybe she needs encouragement to get out of the house

MawBe Fri 02-Jul-21 09:37:42

Not in the slightest!
Is she being selfish or are you sending a touch of agoraphobics perhaps? Or is it difficult for her to leave the dogs perhaps.
Might be worth finding out, but stick to your guns!

MawBe Fri 02-Jul-21 09:38:32

That should have been “sensing “ a touch of agoraphobia. 🙄

tanith Fri 02-Jul-21 09:38:42

Exactly what you said , a text saying stick to the original arrangement if she doesn’t like it tough. Go anyway and have a coffee and nice walk.

B9exchange Fri 02-Jul-21 09:38:51

No, YANBU, if you would rather do the park just the two of you catching a breath of fresh air, then say so! Does she suffer from a form of agoraphobia do you think, or has this only started since Covid arrived?

Grandmabatty Fri 02-Jul-21 09:39:43

I think you should stick with the original plan, particularly if she has form for wanting things her way. The park sounds lovely. It may be that she has anxiety around going out, especially in these covid days. But there is less likelihood of picking up a virus in the open air than in her house. Tell her you are looking forward to the park.

Peasblossom Fri 02-Jul-21 09:41:09

I’ve got a friend like that. I think she really enjoys the feeling of her house full and stuff going on in it. I usually get the daughters and grandchildren joining in too!

I’m reconciled to it now. It’s part and parcel of this particular friendship. She’s just not an eatout/coffee person.

Beswitched Fri 02-Jul-21 09:45:02

She was like this before Covid and she's definitely not agoraphobic. She tends to be bad at managing her time and I think she finds it easier if people come to her than trying to fit in the time to drive to and from the planned venue , look up train or bus timetables etc

But it usually means putting extra travel and inconvenience on the other person.

Anyhow I've taken a deep breath and sent the text.

Kim19 Fri 02-Jul-21 09:54:29

Well done you for the text. That was the first difficult task. The next one will be to stick to your guns if she reneges. I would go one further and say I would still go to the park and hope she changes her mind.

Tizliz Fri 02-Jul-21 09:56:01

This could be me. I much prefer people to come to me. If I go out I worry - are the dogs OK, what if there is a delivery (driver might open front door and put it inside then the dogs might rip it or worse get out), are there nice toilets where we are going, will I like the food - you get the picture. So perhaps your friend is the same.

Jaxjacky Fri 02-Jul-21 10:12:22

Not unreasonable at all, especially as you’ve confirmed she’s always been like this. Well done sending the text.

Beswitched Fri 02-Jul-21 10:13:46

I got a text back saying she has to drive her husband somewhere because his car is being serviced and she'll need hers later to go shopping, and a delivery didn't arrive yesterday and she's hoping it will come later this morning and her son often wears earphones when he's working and won't hear the bell........

I just texted back that she seems to have a lot on this morning and let's postpone until a better time hmm

Grandmabatty Fri 02-Jul-21 10:15:14

I think you've dodged an incredibly annoying catch up! Good for you.

Kim19 Fri 02-Jul-21 10:18:21

Well done but such a pity for you. Hope you either find another friend to coffee with or enjoy one on your own. You really have to stick to your guns here or your future fate will be sealed. Good luck!

FindingNemo15 Fri 02-Jul-21 10:37:50

Was your friend like this before Covid?

CafeAuLait Fri 02-Jul-21 10:38:21

I think you'll have to stick to your guns here, to change the pattern. Once in a while, ok, things happen. She's unreliable though.

Peasblossom Fri 02-Jul-21 10:41:00

Kim19

Well done but such a pity for you. Hope you either find another friend to coffee with or enjoy one on your own. You really have to stick to your guns here or your future fate will be sealed. Good luck!

Me! I’ll go for coffee with you. In fact I quite often go out on my own just for a cup of coffee.😬

Up to her now isn’t it? Well done 😄

LauraNorder Fri 02-Jul-21 10:54:01

There is something rather nice about sitting alone with a coffee watching the world go by, followed by a good walk at your own pace.
Stick to your guns when she reschedules, otherwise find another ‘coffee and walk’ companion.

Kiwigramz Fri 02-Jul-21 11:02:32

I have had agoraphobia for years and even lost friends because if it. I used to make any excuse to meet in my own home as I was so ashamed. Thankfully with help I am now able to go out occasionally and now tell friends the real reason. Your friend could be feeling this way. I do hope she seeks help if she is feeling this way.

MawBe Fri 02-Jul-21 11:02:55

Peasblossom

Kim19

Well done but such a pity for you. Hope you either find another friend to coffee with or enjoy one on your own. You really have to stick to your guns here or your future fate will be sealed. Good luck!

Me! I’ll go for coffee with you. In fact I quite often go out on my own just for a cup of coffee.😬

Up to her now isn’t it? Well done 😄

Can I come too * Peasblosom* ? I’d LOVE somebody to have a coffee in the park with ( if we had a park) but everybody seems to be busy with husbands and grandchildren.

tanith Fri 02-Jul-21 11:23:01

Me too I’ve an empty day apart from the tennis would love a coffee and chat.

Peasblossom Fri 02-Jul-21 11:28:14

Well, I don’t think you’re a million miles away from me Mawbe. I do have a bidey-in , but he’s playing bowls (again🙄)

What you doing tomorrow?

Perhaps we’d better pm.