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To say I'd rather meet in the park.

(42 Posts)
Beswitched Fri 02-Jul-21 09:33:44

I have friend and, nó matter where we arrange to meet she always changes it at the last minute so we end up meeting at her house.
For instance, dinner and a catch up at a restaurant in town ends up being dinner at her house, with me having to drive over (not on bus route and taxi there and back would cost a fortune.), not being able to have any wine, her husband and son eating with us so no proper catch up etc.

She's just done it again. We were supposed to be meeting for coffee in a lovely park about half way between our two houses. She's now texted suggesting we just have coffee at her house, rather than trying to find parking and queueing at the coffee stall.

I was really looking forward to a nice relaxing catch up in the park. Not sitting in her kitchen with her family in and out and the dogs snuffling up to us etc.

WIBU to text back saying 'let's stick to the park. Nice to get out on a sunny day.'
Or would that sound like I'm snubbing a kind invitation to her house?

LauraNorder Fri 02-Jul-21 11:43:04

Sorry, my post was insensitive, a coffee and a walk alone is undoubtedly less appealing if you live alone.

cornishpatsy Fri 02-Jul-21 12:21:29

She is not going to know how you feel unless you tell her, so the text is good but I would build on that when you do see her and say that you always prefer to be out for the reasons you have said on here.

muffinthemoo Fri 02-Jul-21 12:27:06

No, especially with Delta variant on the go, it’s best to take advantage of pleasant weather to be outside if possible. I am tortured by hay fever currently but still trying to do all our play dates outdoors. I don’t know how much it changes our personal risk, but the evidence is that the more of us who do it, the lower the overall transmission rate is.

Soozikinzi Fri 02-Jul-21 12:35:57

I agree with you it’s my ch better to have a nice walk and a coffee out . The walk in the fresh air will do you good .

Shelflife Sat 03-Jul-21 09:12:28

Your friend has a load of reasons why she can meet you in the park for coffee. Not sure you are getting the real reason !!! If she simply can't make the effort then yes go alone and enjoy it or find another friend to meet you there. Sending the text was wise and may help resolve the problem. Is her husband part if that problem I wonder?

Shelflife Sat 03-Jul-21 09:12:51


ValerieF Sun 04-Jul-21 18:38:14

Sounds to me like your friend does have issues but whether this is to do with her or her husband- hard to know. How long has she been a friend, how well do you know her? Does she ever agree to come to your house?

If a long time friend maybe accept her invitation to hers for dinner and add you could stay the night so you can have a few glasses of wine? You might be able to judge then if she really wants to see you and can’t face going outside OR may be apparent her husband is controlling? Either way you may get an indication just why your friend bottles out of meeting you on neutral ground.

As said all depends on what sort of “friend” she is? I’ve got “friends” and I have FRIENDS. There is a difference in who you can speak freely with and who you can’t. Good luck.

Newatthis Sat 21-Aug-21 09:40:44

Is she being stopped from going out by her family? This could be happening if they are trying to control her. Stick to your plan and if she refuses to meet you then ask her why and also let her know that you’re there for her to talk to if she has any problems.

Katek Sat 21-Aug-21 10:10:22

If she’s so busy this morning how was she going to fit you in even if you’d gone to her house? Is there a degree of anxiety about going out perhaps, or is it just easier for her if you make the effort?

MawBe Sat 21-Aug-21 10:14:03

Is there a degree of anxiety about going out perhaps, or is it just easier for her if you make the effort?

That’s the way my mind is working too.
Laziness? Or potential agoraphobia? Lockdown has affected a few people I know that way - not frightened as such to go out, but lacking the motivation.
Are you able to get her on her own for long enough to talk about it - or how about you go and pick her up to go out for a coffee?

lemsip Sat 21-Aug-21 10:32:40

No, it would not be unreasonable to say meet in the park, (weather permitting) of course. I meet my friends outdoors and wouldn't want to go in houses.

Georgesgran Sat 21-Aug-21 10:59:02

I can only echo previous posts - ‘we’ started off in a group of 4 sharing a mid-week bottle of wine in a local haunt and coffee in a fancy Hotel on Saturday mornings. After years of this - one suggested we could do the same at her house, as she begrudged the cost, as long as we provided the wine on a rota. I didn’t mind as I valued her friendship and was acutely aware of her frugal ways, despite knowing that all our incomes were very similar. Now it’s just the two of us, as the others dropped out - privately they told me they wanted to dress up a little and be ‘out’ not stuck in someone’s kitchen.

timetogo2016 Tue 24-Aug-21 10:23:17

I think your friend is lazy,and it sounds like you do all the running.
Tell her how you feel.

Washerwoman Fri 27-Aug-21 18:58:44

I had the opposite in a way.A friend would happily come my house for a catch up ,often for far longer than I wanted ,and yet I never got an invitation back to hers.For years .She seemed to love to sit in our kitchen for hours..She would very occasionally meet in a cafe if I suggested it but apart from once I never stepped into her house.Then she broke her ankle badly and I offered to help,drop off books and meals etc as she lived alone and was always fobbed off with some reason not to come round.It turned out she had developed a serious hoarding habit.I only found out by turning up one day and asking why I never felt my hospitality was reciprocated. I put it more subtlety than that!But it proved to be be the end of our friendship because she kept me even more at arms length.Maybe your friend does have some issues and only feels secure at home ?Or possibly because you've been accommodating so far she has become lazy and you for granted.I don't regret saying how I felt because I was starting to feel a bit used and resentful,and so will you -so good luck diplomatically saying how you feel.

grannypiper Fri 27-Aug-21 19:40:03

Maybe your friend can't afford meals out and that's why she changes plans.

Amberone Fri 27-Aug-21 22:55:01

Blimey, this thread was started on Jul 2. Think this poster has sorted her problem by now ?