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AIBU

Noise and smoking nextvdoir

(29 Posts)
Beswitched Sat 17-Jul-21 21:56:12

Really need an opinion on this. For years we had to deal with an obstreperous teenager next door having loud parties every weekend when his parents went away.
He's now 35, his parents are away and even though he doesn't live there anymore he has a group of friends in who have been there all afternoon and are still out there drinking, smoking and shouting.
I have just gone upstairs and banged my bedroom window shut because of the smell of smoke from one woman's cigarette which was blowing up into my window. I got a rally dirty indignant look.

I know from previous experience that they will be out there til all hours. The temperature has been up in the mid twenties all day and I can't sleep with the window shuy.
I've been caring for my mother who has cancer and am currently getting a few days respite.
WIBU to ring and ask if people could smoke at the back of the garden, not underneath my window and how long the noise is likely to go on for?

Whatdayisit Sat 17-Jul-21 22:14:19

You wouldn't be unreasonable but i'm sure previous experience would tell you what is the point.

I send sympathy. Maybe you could blare some brass band music out. Good luck with sleeping. Sorry you aren't getting the peace you deserve.

Callistemon Sat 17-Jul-21 22:22:36

I do sympathise but don't think appealing to their better nature will work as he's now 35 and this has been going on for years.

Do his parents know he uses their house for parties when they are away? They may be unaware, if you get on well with them perhaps you could mention it to them when they return.

You could try playing classical music outside - they might retreat indoors.

BlueBelle Sat 17-Jul-21 22:22:44

I don’t think it would be the best idea to ring them it’s up to you but I doubt it will make any difference if they were thoughtful they wouldn’t be doing it and they ll probably be even louder to annoy you
Do you have another bedroom you could go to or even sleep downstairs if that’s somewhere you could get cool and comfortable
You shouldn’t have to I agree but sometimes it’s just easier to compromise than make enemies and maybe more trouble for yourself

Infinity2 Sat 17-Jul-21 22:28:39

Sorry to hear this. I know how awful it is.
When my mother was dying I came home for some respite and my immediate neighbour had a party that went on until 9a.m the next morning. People were in the back drinking and laughing all night with the music blaring out.
I couldn’t face going round to complain. I was mentally wiped out.
Luckily they moved not long after that.
Can you try earplugs, change rooms front to back if possible, or listen to some music with headphones ?

mumofmadboys Sat 17-Jul-21 22:33:56

Let it go! Sleep in a different room. It is hopefully only one night. Have a glass of wine. Tomorrow is a new day!

Beswitched Sat 17-Jul-21 22:37:18

Thanks for the sensible advice. Will move to another room, as suggested and sort out new sheets . Will also make a couple of early phone calls tomorrow with number witheld while thealmost middle aged brat is sleeping off his hangover grin

aggie Sat 17-Jul-21 22:43:22

👍

Infinity2 Sat 17-Jul-21 22:59:11

Great idea 😂

Savvy Sun 18-Jul-21 02:42:08

When I had problems with noise from my neighbours (bouncy castles, late night drinking from the adults, loud music, etc) I decided to get my own back while they were recovering from their hangovers. I opened all the windows, put on my CD walkman, yes I still use one, and sang along to some really cheesy music.

They were treated to 1980s Eurovision entries, Technicolour Dreamcoat and they'd given up by the end of the first act of Evita. Because I was wearing headphones, they could only hear me, and if I want to, I can sing really badly, lol.

Funnily, they were quiet after that.

Beswitched Sun 18-Jul-21 08:34:34

Unfortunately we have other houses beside us and behind us. Otherwise I'd be out now blasting music around the garden, mowing the lawn, beeping the car horn etc

FindingNemo15 Sun 18-Jul-21 08:59:16

Maybe tell the other neighbours why you are doing this and explain it will be an experiment to see if they get the hint.

Beswitched Sun 18-Jul-21 09:21:58

I've actually put heavy rock on the laptop and put it inside the wardrobe against the adjoining wall. I've also been going around banging against the adjoining walls with a pole. Hopefully the ignorant pratt is awake and nursing a heavy hangover.

mumofmadboys Sun 18-Jul-21 09:26:11

No wonder neighbours fall out with each other. It is a one off as his parents are away. Let it go!

Beswitched Sun 18-Jul-21 10:25:54

He is 35 and he doesn't even live there. Also it is not a one off but has been going on for about 20 years on and off now.

Nonogran Sun 18-Jul-21 11:00:52

Once you’ve made a “tit for tat” scenario, there’s no going back because they’ll say you’re just as bad if you challenge them in the future.
In your shoes I’d have a word with mum & dad but the phone number withheld is a good idea because they won’t know it’s you.
I hope you get some respite tonight (Sunday) & are able to get the rest and sleep you need. Using another room might also be the best idea.

JaneJudge Sun 18-Jul-21 11:06:29

I think when you are caring for someone with very little respite, this kind of thing pushes all your buttons because you are tired and need a break. It DOES sound like he needs to grow up too. My neighbours son and his girlfriend have spent last week smoking weed in the back garden whilst his parents have been away but they are young and our houses are spaced out enough to not let it bother us too much. If you are closer together housing wise, I expect more consideration especially as he is thirty bloody 5

DiscoDancer1975 Sun 18-Jul-21 11:14:36

Do his parents know he does this? I’d be so embarrassed it was one of my ‘ children’. Yes, please don’t get into this ping pong of getting your own back. They won’t care...and it might make it more difficult with your neighbours. You need to be the bigger person.
Start with the parents, and then maybe you could ask they go to the bottom of the garden next time. Or the very least, let you know in advance. If it’s not regular, I would try to live with it.
It sounds daft to me, a man his age needing his mum and dad’s place to party!!

Toadinthehole Sun 18-Jul-21 11:23:39

Yes, we’ve had to deal with students from time to time. More understandable as they’re so much younger. What often worked for us, if they were outside, was to say their voices travel at night, and we can hear every word. That seemed to embarrass them, and they always stopped. Nowadays, they’re always plugged into something. We don’t hear much at all.

Whether it would work for this man, I don’t know. His generation were the first age group we started getting students in our area, and they tended to be noisier. This was 15 years ago. For the last 10 years or so, it’s been getting much quieter.

Somehow, you need to make him feel silly, too old for this, embarrass him. Of course, the parents are a good first step.

BlueBelle Sun 18-Jul-21 11:27:43

I understand where you’re coming from but really retaliatory action will just increase the whole thing and make for real bad feeling The kids next door to me (theres 8) a lot grown and flown now but they have their boom boom music (not overly loud) but I can hear it over the tv and between that an the cannabis smells The other side have had a bbq and people round every day this month and the kids balls are constantly coming over the wall but honestly it’s just living isn’t it

I really don’t think it’s worth getting in a stew over

Let it go as the song goes the party isn’t an everyday happening if he’s left home so when you see a party starting go into the back room and sleep comfortably

Beswitched Sun 18-Jul-21 11:36:37

Yes don't normally do this tit for tat. I just lie there in bed imagining what I would like to do wink
In fairness the banging on the walls sounded like a hammer and some DIY work going on, not something he could definitely know was deliberate retaluation.
Anyhow his car is gone so presumably he got a rude awakening and decided to go home to get some sleep. Hopefully he has got the message.
As he was drinking from 3 yesterday afternoon until the small hours of this morning, he had better hope there were no Sunday morning checkpoints en route.

cornishpatsy Sun 18-Jul-21 12:01:18

In all the years have you ever just gone round politely to ask them to turn the music down , do they even know it bothers you?

BlueBelle Sun 18-Jul-21 12:35:25

Well if he’s 35 it’s a long time since he was a teenager 😂 so if it’s only now and then don’t let it wind you up into a spin relax about it it’s obviously not an every day occurance

Infinity2 Sun 18-Jul-21 12:45:32

Beswitched - the heat has made me lose the plot. I actually thought you’d said you’d put a heavy rock ( as in a large stone ) on your laptop and put it in the wardrobe. I was trying to work out why on earth that would be of annoyance to him.
Dear Lord - next stop for me will be the funny farm at this rate.

H1954 Sun 18-Jul-21 12:53:25

Next time this happens why not try some reverse psychology? Try going round and knocking in the door, ask if everything is ok because you heard all the racket and thought there was a riot going on and wondered if he was in danger! When he says no, just politely ask him to tone it down a bit, please. No harm in trying.