Gransnet forums


Elderly parent problem

(48 Posts)
thelbg Sat 07-Aug-21 14:28:02

My sibling is the “golden child” and can do no wrong, and has always been very domineering and made things very difficult over the years. Their daughter, my neice, is getting married. The venue is 1.5 hours from me, and 1.5 hours from elderly parents. Elderly parents live 3 hours from me(think of a wonky triangle with me, parents and venue at points) sibling is demanding i drive 3 hours to collect parents, 1.5 hours to venue, then the reverse at the end of the day. Thats 9 hours driving! Although they are both 90 they are quite fit, but public transport would be too much for them. AIBU to suggest i pay for a taxi to take them to the venue. I have bad arthritis and would struggle to drive for that long all in one day .

Bluebellwould Sat 07-Aug-21 14:41:15

No I don’t think you are being unreasonable at all. Why can’t they organise your parents being as it is their daughters wedding, surely that are responsible for doing it all. I would think your role is purely as a guest. I wouldn’t want anyone driving that far in one day never mind someone older like us. It also sounds like a long day for your parents, can’t they stay overnight somewhere near the venue? I would say sorry can’t do and leave it down to them.

Ro60 Sat 07-Aug-21 14:41:16

YANBU! The golden child is crazy.

All in one day and the wedding is far too much. Put your foot down.
I wouldn't even pay for the taxi! But if you must, that's a better option.

Bluebellwould Sat 07-Aug-21 14:42:38

Also why on earth would you be the one to pay for a taxi? Their wedding, their costs not up to you to pay for it.

Grannybags Sat 07-Aug-21 14:42:45

Why does it have to be you that pays for the taxi? Couldn't you and your sibling share the cost?

I don't think YABU as it sounds like a long and tiring day for you otherwise

Grannybags Sat 07-Aug-21 14:43:37

X posts Bluebellwould

Bluebellwould Sat 07-Aug-21 14:49:15

Great minds think alike , Grannybags ?

Nonogran Sat 07-Aug-21 14:49:53

You are not being unreasonable. How selfish & disrespectful the Golden One is to even think of asking.
Be strong. Tell it like it is!
Have a lovely time at the wedding.

MiniMoon Sat 07-Aug-21 14:50:22

If the niece wants her grandparents to attend the wedding, then I think it is up to her to get them there. It's totally unreasonable of them to expect you to collect them and then take them home afterwards. I would suggest that paying for a taxi there and back is the best idea and it is up to the bride and groom to pay for it.

thelbg Sat 07-Aug-21 15:00:43

Thank you for responses, glad that i not being seen as selfish!! The reason i would offer to pay is as i know what will happen: sibling will say to parents “thelbg WONT collect you to take you to the wedding, and it has been left to them to sort it out”. Sibling has form for making me the bad guy. They could easily pay for themselves as they are very wealthy, far more than me, but i dont want sibling to think i an being unhelpful.

Zennomore Sat 07-Aug-21 15:10:27

The Golden Child needs to step up to the mantle of gold that has been bestowed upon them and accept the responsibility that goes with it. Making arrangements for their parents to attend their child’s wedding should be the least they can do. I hope you enjoy the celebration.

OurKid1 Sat 07-Aug-21 15:23:45

I would have thought that was a very long day for your parents, let alone you! Are you able to discuss alternatives like them staying over at the venue with them?

Grandmabatty Sat 07-Aug-21 15:27:54

Why would you care what your sibling thinks of you? They sound awful. Mumsnet has a phrase "That doesn't work for me." This isn't your family wedding so it's up to your sibling or your niece to organise transport for your elderly parents.

Pammie1 Sat 07-Aug-21 15:36:38

Selfish, disrespectful, uncaring and very dismissive of your obvious physical problems. A taxi for your parents sounds like the answer, but why should you pay for it ? If your sibling has been the golden child then they should be prepared to give a little back for the privilege they’ve had from your parents over the years. The cheek and entitlement of some people astounds me !!

GoldenLady Sat 07-Aug-21 15:43:00

I agree with all the above answers. Stop being a doormat for Golden Child, and stand up for yourself and your own health.

M0nica Sat 07-Aug-21 15:58:24

Golden child has bossed you around long enough. Now, just say 'No'. You know that whatever you do you will be placed in a bad light, so you can be as selfish as you like, he is gping to badmouth you anyways. so best be hung for a sheep than a lamb. Say, No, suggest taxi and refuse to pay.

Spinnaker Sat 07-Aug-21 16:00:22

They want your parents to attend so they sort the arrangements - not you !

SueDonim Sat 07-Aug-21 16:18:34

Huh? Golden Child invites his/her parents to an event and then expects you to look after his/her guest? Nope!

Welshwife Sat 07-Aug-21 16:22:55

I would say the mother of the bride is being unreasonable to expect her parents to do all that in one day apart from all that driving for you. Is it impossible for you all to go the day before the wedding and stay somewhere and return home the day after the wedding? We did that as a family when DGD married and the grooms family did the same. We had a lovely gathering of the families before the wedding and we all knew each other a bit before the event.

Baggs Sat 07-Aug-21 16:25:53

The problem isn't the elderly parents; it's The Sibling. As others have said, just say no, nothing else, no offers of taxi payments, etc, etc. "No" covers everything you need to say to Entitled, Blasted Sibling on this subject. Do it! or you'll be letting Gransnetters down ?

Aldom Sat 07-Aug-21 16:36:12

It's a no from me too. Your sibling ought to be making arrangements and paying for your parents to travel to the wedding by taxi and booking them into a hotel for an overnight stay. If I were you I would also be staying overnight. Otherwise it will be a long, tiring day for you.

Katyj Sat 07-Aug-21 16:53:00

No way. It’s ridiculous and unsafe ! It’s far too much for you and them.Put your foot down and have a lovely day.

Suki70 Sat 07-Aug-21 16:59:32

You are not being unreasonable or selfish. As others have said, just say no!

crazyH Sat 07-Aug-21 16:59:46

Taxi is the answer… will be expensive but for your parents’ sake, don’t quibble over the fare. You can sort it out between 4 ……you, your sibling, the bride and your parents. I’m sure your parents would not want to miss their granddaughters wedding. Good luck !

aggie Sat 07-Aug-21 17:06:53

In fact get a taxi yourself ! Less tiring for you