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What do you think about my 'ex'

(47 Posts)
MsCarol Sun 15-Aug-21 11:40:29

Good morning

I wonder if you could help please.

I met a wonderful man in January at the height of lockdown, we only saw each other for 6 weeks but it was very tense (he was 20 years older) - his daughter has alot of mental health issues and he had to be there for her so he ended it. We dabbled as friends with benefits for a week or so and then I ended it.

I got in touch with him a few weeks ago as I was in his area. He messaged back saying he had been having a rubbish time and hearing from me lifted him.

He started messaging everyday and we exchanged dating stories we've since encountered.

After one date he had a few weeks back he messaged me straight after saying I was funny, then we started chatting about everyday things.

I told him I was meeting the last guy I saw for coffee and he texted later saying I could pop to his afterwards if I was in the area which I did. After speaking, his daughter then popped home and he introduced me to her as his good friend (whom I had never met, also thought it was a bit weird). I told him I had a date with someone else and when he walked me to my car he wished me "good luck for my date and the future"... I said that it sounded like we'd never talk again and he said we probably will.

On the day of my date he wished me luck then asked how it went later that evening. He then spent the whole evening then texting me. That weekend I had a friends birthday party and called him. He arranged to meet me atound the corner (my party was next to his house) and his daughter was home... the minute we meet up we started kissing more than once.

After this, he has went quite cold. I rarely hear from him and when I do he is asking about my next date as he "wants me to meet someone" he has said a few times that he will be envious but so happy for me.

I have a friend who is online dating and she messaged him for a laugh and they started talking about exs. He went on to tell her he had dated someone much younger (ie me) but had nothing in common so ended it he then said that I keep in touch with him about my dating experiences (which I don't he asks!) He then went on to say he would never her (ie me!) If he was dating or anything personal about his life (but he does? He's messaged me after his dates and tells me about his daughter)...

He messaged yesterday with a screen shot of a funny dating message but I haven't replied.

My question is... are we really friends? I suppose the coffee and kiss has confused me a little.

Any insight would be great.

LittleDot Sun 22-Aug-21 20:06:48

He sounds like a complete waste of time and I wouldn't bother with him. He gets a bit horny now and then and uses the date thing as an excuse to get you there, then is bored with you. Dump him.

TrendyNannie6 Sat 21-Aug-21 18:55:34

He doesn’t sound like an ex to me, you became friends with benefits after you split up, I don’t think he cared much for you in the first place

MarathonRunner Fri 20-Aug-21 12:36:13

In two words SWIPE LEFT

silverlining48 Fri 20-Aug-21 10:16:19

This definitely isn’t going anywhere. Friends with benefits? You hardly know him. I wonder if he is married?

Katie59 Fri 20-Aug-21 10:03:15

It’s best not to discuss other relationships with a boyfriend or partner, it causes all sorts of complications that neither of you need.
Having a man as a friend and regularly messaging can really mess up your life.

timetogo2016 Fri 20-Aug-21 09:34:59

It seems to me that you are using eachother,what a waste of life.

Ali08 Mon 16-Aug-21 23:39:47

Oh dear! Unfortunately you're just a toy to him. I'm sorry to be so blatant but, honestly, do yourself a huge favour and dump him, you're worth better than him!!!

Mollygo Mon 16-Aug-21 17:33:16

Sounds a weird set up. There’s some good, if unwelcome advice on here. For me, the relationship you describe isn’t a relationship . I’d drop it now.

Nonogran Mon 16-Aug-21 16:49:09

What a waste of space!
Walk away. Block him. Maybe he’s getting some vicarious pleasure hearing about your dates? What a weird set up you’ve got yourself in to.

Beswitched Mon 16-Aug-21 16:06:01

It all sounds very childish. I really think you both need to grow up a bit.

Esspee Mon 16-Aug-21 11:28:54

Friends with benefits, really!
Where is your self respect?

Elegran Mon 16-Aug-21 10:59:51

A lot of teenagers seem to think we are agony aunts, JenniferEccles I have lost count of the number of posts from what sound like fourteen-year-olds writing about teenage dating tangles.

JenniferEccles Sun 15-Aug-21 22:37:35

You sound very young yet you are on a site for grandmothers.

It reads a bit like an agony aunt question in a teen magazine!

nadateturbe Sun 15-Aug-21 20:40:46

I can't quite understand all of your post but the behaviour of hoth of you and your female friend sounds very silly and immature to me. I think it's time to consider acting more adult. Sorry if that sounds rude.

Shelflife Sun 15-Aug-21 19:57:34

Have some self respect! You sound like a teenager with a crush .

FarNorth Sun 15-Aug-21 18:49:04

A person who is older than 30 13 and playing these tricks is not worth it.

Hetty58 Sun 15-Aug-21 18:48:44

Why bother with him - what's the point?

Hithere Sun 15-Aug-21 18:44:37

A person who is older than 30 and playing these tricks is not worth it.

Chewbacca Sun 15-Aug-21 18:42:33

Sneaking out and meeting round the corner for a snog isn’t dating, unless you’re about 12.

Ditto. The last time I read something like this was in my Jackie comic when I was 12.
MsCarol he's made it perfectly clear that he's not interested in a relationship with you. Move on and take your pride with you, unless you're happy to settle for a quick snog in a doorway.

MerylStreep Sun 15-Aug-21 18:34:10

MsCarol As the film title goes: He’s just not that into you.

Hithere Sun 15-Aug-21 18:24:07

Too many mental games for my taste. Life is too short for this bs

MoorlandMooner Sun 15-Aug-21 18:08:51

Unless you like complications and hassle there's nothing in this for you.

BlueBelle Sun 15-Aug-21 15:37:55

Well he’s not your ‘ex’ you said he was a friend with benefits
Sounds like you’re happy to come and go and discuss your many dates with him It doesn’t sound as if he’s remotely interested in you he sounds weird and you sound like you re 15

Artaylar Sun 15-Aug-21 15:37:32

Life is too short for nonsense like this.

Time to salavage your self respect and move on.

Silverbridge Sun 15-Aug-21 15:32:12

What makes him so wonderful and what is it that you want exactly?

The clue was there when he “ended it” to attend to his daughter. That doesn’t make sense. Adults don’t end personal relationships when something else needs their attention for a while.

When he “goes cold’ he’s interested in and probably having sex with someone else. If you are happy with that and are happy to be part of his harem and have occasional sex with him then remain as friends with benefits but from what you’ve described, there really is no prospect of anything more substantial so move on.