People who talk about themselves all the time

I laugh at myself for my dodging tactics - avoiding the hours they are about or sitting in the car pretending to text! What a life! It must be awful tied to a dog lead.

I have friends and a neighbour like this they ask a question and when you start to answer they turn the topic to themselves.
I think it is a sign of insecurity in themselves under all the bravado. They want your approval of their actions or feelings but put it in a positive way and don't give you the chance to disaprove or discuse.
I worked with someone who always put high heeled shoes and lipstick on when going into meetings. She dominated the discussions with her ideas most of which got approved because no one had really listened. Then they would all backlash on her and she seemed oblivious to it. Her other trick was to give everyone a short say pick up the good ideas and go off on a rant as if the ideas were hers. She's onto her third husband now and goodness knows how many partners so obviously they are not listening to her and have had to go.

I meet a lady while I'm out walking my dog who is like this, she bores me to tears. She's always right and drones on and on. I try crossing the road when I see her and she crosses over then to me, tell her I'm a hurry she doesn't care so I now I'm ducking behind hedges or changing direction if I spy her in the distance. She has a husband and family so it's not that she doesn't see anyone, but her conversation is all one way, all about her, and I can't be bothered anymore.

I agree Maturefloosy about the age factor. Advice to pensioners; if anyone asks you how you are, don't tell them. They don't want a list of your ailments or your medication. Keep the conversation light and amusing, if you can.
Always remember that it is a great bonus to reach old age and welcome every day with joyful anticipation if you can.

It really does depend on what is driving the talkativeness and why it can be so repetitive. I am noticing more and more how certain friends are telling me the same things over and over again about themselves. I assume this is a sign of decline and/or a life which is becoming narrower so I have some sympathy however frustrating it is to have to listen.

A work colleague is a conversational narcissist, no question. Different kettle of fish altogether. Not a shred of interest in anyone other than herself. She cannot bear not to be the centre of attention or to see others having a conversation that does not involve her. She will cross a room, hover then physically insert herself between two people and start talking about herself.

Nowadays, I just shrug, walk away and hope I can pick up the interrupted conversation with the other person when she’s not around. What she does is rude but there’s no point tackling her about it as she is also histrionic. I’ve seen her in meltdown when things don’t happen as she wants. Sometimes you have to work around difficult people.

Ive known a few like this, over the years.?

We moved into a village 2 years ago and our next door neighbour has never asked me one question - always says hello and then gabbles on about what she has been doing, how busy she is how frail her husband is and what a lot of work she has to do. etc.. I have always listened and shown an interest and been polite but am now thinking I will just avoid her. What a shame! I find generally older people just like to talk about themselves - on transmit not receive as my daughter says!

As said above, Covid has made a lot of people very lonely and if they find someone to talk to they go on and on about themselves because there is little else in their lives.
I have to dodge a women who always begins or brings the conversation back to her deceased partner (8yrs 9 months ago) or her cat that is sadly dying with leukemia. She is very unhappy but I can't bear it. We all have troubles but as they say. "Laugh and the World laughs with you; cry and you cry alone.

I think I’m guilty of this. Sometimes because I’ve got so much going on in my head I’m going to explode. At other times it’s because I don’t want to pry. But I’m a good listener!

Those who are always talking about themselves are usually also those with the least self-awareness of just how self-centred they are. Sometimes this is because they have always considered them far more important than anything anyone else does or thinks, sometimes because age or illness has focussed their attention inwards, or a medical event like a stroke has altered the functioning of their brain. If their friends and neighbours still want two-way communication with them without expiring of boredom, they face having to entangle what has caused the verbosity and planning how to counter it without a major row. (If they are not concerned about losing the friendship, it is easy - just tell them to get lost!)

Which is best? An frank conversation with a tactful person and suggestions of how they can stop themselves doing it? A conspiracy of concerned friends to engineer ways of including them without having them talk nonstop? Even an eggtimer might be effective - though it would have to be applied to ALL in a conversation!!!

Good point Elegran. Isn't it lucky we're all perfect!

Elegran see my previous post ⬆️ - I did wonder if it was me.

We have a large extended family and because of that and our lifestyle we have a lot of first-hand experience of significant life events. In real life we try to be very careful to only use our own experiences when it helps the other person. E.g. “When something similar happened to me I tried XYZ, is that something you might consider helpful to try?”

My husband says that if he were to talk about all the things we’ve experienced first-hand he’d sound like a Walter Mitty character!

Everyone seems to know someone who does this, yet it appears that no-one is that person Just a thought.

I used to work with a woman who, as well as her own children, had a large extended family. Whatever the topic of conversation she had a niece who had suffered from the same illness or a nephew who had bought a house in the same area and we would have to hear all about them. If someone changed the subject she would shout across everyone in order to turn the conversation back to her. If that failed she would try to drag the person sitting beside her into a one on one conversation, even though they were happily joining in the main conversation.
It came across as quite rude and selfish and I used to try and avoid sitting near her during coffee breaks.

I know just what you mean! I can forgive the elderly hard of hearing neighbour I visit (she can’t get out) as she prattles on-I have been known to feel my eyes closing but she wouldn’t notice.
Sadly I know a few folk like this. I’ve come away and thought if anyone asked them what I’d said or about my news they would have nothing to say.
I have a longtime friend-now on her own, miles away-who I insisted have her hearing checked as I said either she couldn’t hear if ever I tried to speak or she was just rude. She had her hearing checked-no problems there-so. . . She’s just rude. I say to DH I’m just going to ring friend to be talked at! And she does too!
It does irritate me when I ring another friend, again on her own miles away, who starts to tell me in great detail about something that’s happened to someone I don’t know-I do intervene quickly and ask about her family instead!

I wonder if such people are just terribly lonely and very insecure.

MissAdventure. I've given your incredibly intrusive neighbour a lot of thought and have come up with a solution -a water pistol

Caleo

I have noticed this happens to me most of the time now that I am really old and look it. The only people who take me seriously are on an online discussion and they don't know how ancient and how poor I am.

Sending you a virtual hug.

LauraNorder

Go on then Calli let’s hear about the goldfish

Oh, thank goodness, someone wants to hear about the goldfish!
We had three goldfish, they lived in a tank; well, strictly speaking they belonged to the DC (bored yet?). So not really about me at all.
One morning a little DD was peering into the tank looking for her goldfish (it was more silver than gold btw). It was nowhere to be seen. We were very puzzled and thought one of the other goldfish had eaten it.
I looked up and there it was, a dead very dried up goldfish, stuck on the picture frame above the tank. It must have leapt out seeking an adventure and got stuck there.

Cue many tears (DD, not me).
It had an appropriate memorial service.

GrandmaRosie there's a saying: we have two ears and one mouth for a good reason.
We should listen twice as much as we speak.

Go on then Calli let’s hear about the goldfish

Grannyactivist you have had such an interesting life that I love reading your stories, don't stop posting ?

It’s odd that people who talk about themselves would probably say they were extroverts ! I think they’re probably just noisy introverts. Being extrovert is looking outside yourself, so no noise necessary and you learn far more by listening than talking! That’s my theory anyway ?

MerylStreep, some good suggestions there.
Another one is to just keep talking until she notices that you are talking too. We know a married couple who do this. Don’t know if either has ever heard the other. Hilarious to watch.

grannyactivist you certainly don’t come across as someone who talks only about yourself. Nor does anyone else on this thread by the way.
Gransnet is a bit different cos we can finish our sentence without being interrupted. Whether or not anyone listens while we blather on is another matter so yes, it’s nice to be answered sometimes.